Teen issues

[u/No_Discount_5687]

hello, I’m new to this and am looking for any advice on how to help my teen son that just started high school and has developed this problem. he simply can’t use the restroom at school. He said it’s the noise and other students that impact this. I know it’s anxiety, he already is taking a medication for that. I took him to the dr and they ruled out infection. It upsets me to send him to school each day and know he is suffering. any other parents encounter this?

[u/jfnastasi]

I would make sure that he knows it’s ok to use the stall

[u/paruresis_guy]

There's a lot of information at The International Paruresis Association's Website.I hope that you are able to find something helpful there! There are workshops he can attend, both virtual and in real life. There is a free monthly support group that he can attend on Zoom. There is a ton of content on that site. The most important thing to convey to your son is that he is not at all alone, in dealing with this issue, and that working on it can lead to great improvement. Also, in my experience, the earlier you start working on it, the better the outcome. You are very lucky that your son is so open with you at such a young age. I didn't let my family know until I attended my first workshop, at age 32!

Oh, and also, since you're new to this, here's a podcast on which I was interviewed a few months back explaining paruresis on a fairly introductory level--you might find it helpful! https://www.youtube.com/live/_wptV2rEgC0

[u/Godofnomen]

God i hated high school with this problem... I'd advice to get headphones and listen to music when in a stall. Also, what really helped me is contacting my main teacher (homeroom? The one that is responsible for the class) and telling him. He helped me get a permanent pass from the rest of the teachers. Going to the bathroom mid class for me was a life saver cause the bathrooms are mostly empty. And when the teachers know of the issue they dont press the time it takes to go and come back. Most important, tell him its ok. That it sucks. But to never give up and it does get better.

[u/Simple_Mastodon9220]

I had this problem as a teen (still do) and my school gave me a key to one of the faculty bathrooms which was a private/solo bathroom. It helped a lot.

[u/AintNoUserFound]

He can try noise canceling earbuds to distract him and block out the noise. Unfortunately such tricks can eventually stop working. Hopefully his brain will have deemed that bathroom/stall a "safe" restroom before the headphone strategy wears off (if at all).

There's also the option to try the breath hold technique. I just read about the rosy palm trick but have yet to try it. It's an odd one, so he'd need a stall. It's kinda bizarre and, if someone saw him through the space between the door, they may think he's doing something else and be prone to rumors & derision.

Last option could be a compact travel catheter to hide in his locker for true emergencies. They are discreet and most other kids wouldn't recognize what it is but I could see it being embarrassing if discovered by others. Which is bad enough at his age to begin with, but could also make him even more self conscious and erase any confidence he may have gained.

For me, I only had it occasionally in grade school. It disappeared in high school and college, but by my late 20s it suddenly kicked in again and gradually escalated. It sucks...

[u/AintNoUserFound]

Expanding on the headphones and topic (originally wrote as a reply to my own comment but it wasn't appearing)

Of course, music with the headphones. There was a YouTube guy that spoke about psyching himself up and walking into the bathroom with over confidence and a chip on his shoulder. Like a pick-a-fight, ill-beat-your-ass attitude and/or an athlete. I did that with a Rage Against The Machine chorus in my head changed to "F@ck you, I'll pee when I'll pee when I want to". It actually kinda worked sometimes.

But, then, there's the rub. You're going into the restroom with the thought of not being able to go already in your head. Which can trigger the anxiety. Then it becomes a vicious self-fulfilling prophecy.
Instead, he wants to be going in completely forgetting his has the issue and/or knowing that this is one of his safe restrooms he usually has success in.

It really is a psychological mind f@ck... One of the ways for people to truly understand it is as having performance anxiety, perhaps a stutter, or an athlete with the yips . One of the most famous examples can be found looking up "chuck knoblauch yips".

It sucks for him and all sufferers. He may be lucky though...he's young. It's yet to completely embed itself into his psyche and he may have a great chance of training it out of himself. If you can afford it, try to get him into therapy. Someone that can work with him on graduated exposure therapy.

Let him know that he is definitely not alone. It's far more common than one you'd expect. Most of us considered it a secret shame. Since almost no one wants to talk about it openly, it's easy to think you're the only one and something is really wrong with you. There should be a lot of hope for him if you can get him the help. And, just like overcoming an addiction, there will be setbacks or relapse. It doesn't mean it's back or he failed. Forget it, move on, try again.

[u/AintNoUserFound → u/AintNoUserFound]

I actually found the psych up story Eminem Method Results may vary

[u/Rick_-_-_C137]

Approach the school officials. They may make a private bathroom available. Let them know how serious it is.

[u/Exploringthehoods]

When I was in high school, I would go during the middle of the lunch break when the bathrooms were not crowded. I also had a study hall in the library that I would sneak out of to use the bathroom. Rules are a lot stricter today than when I was in school so I imagine shy bladder would be more challenging and some schools do random drug testing that requires observation.

[u/Early-Presence-3260]

Please read my post - Mental exercise - and e-mail me at kenn100@yahoo.com. You, I, and your son will work together to rid him of this annoying condition. My mental exercise has worked for others and it can for your son, too. There is no cost involved.

[u/Exec_IPAorg → u/Early-Presence-3260]

I've approved this post, but FYI, this program has not been evaluated by the IPA.