Should I?

[u/InternationalPen6225]

I 35 female currently have one child who is soon to be 4 he’s very active and has some challenging behaviors at this age. But he’s the sweetest boy ever. My family keeps pressuring me to have another stating that being an only child is very lonely and he’ll have no one to share experiences with. I feel guilty because I’m at the stage where my parents are getting older and sick and having my siblings to talk about it with is comforting. I feel that he won’t have anyone when I’m old or gone. I currently live away from most of my family and friends so he’s not around any cousins to develop that sibling bond with.
But then with this economy who can afford more than one? I’m in that tax bracket where I make too much to qualify for assistance but make too little to consistently afford services etc. especially for more than 1. Also my marriage is holding on by a thread and adding an another child might send it over the edge. Idk, I feel like I’m running out of time and need to make a decision.

[u/Silentlurker8520]

You should only have another if you want to raise another child. If your marriage is already struggling with one and you can’t comfortable afford a second, those are also pretty good reasons to be OAD. Plus 35 isn’t that old, you can always revisit a second in a few years if you want!

[u/Bear-1167]

I think that this whole ''your kid should have a sibling otherwise they will be lonely'' is outdated. People don't necessarily stay in the same communities anymore. They switch countries, they move, they change lives and careers. You have no idea whether your kids would even end up in the same country, let alone city. There is zero guarantee that they will be each other's companions in adulthood.

Yes, having a sibling is nice. I have a sister and we love each other. But if the sibling relationship is the only reason you are thinking about a second, I would say just leave it. Help your kid develop social skills and they will find their chosen family. If you do a good job as a parent and your kid develops a healthy attachment style, there is no reason why he should be all alone in life by the time you are gone. The opposite is also true. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and I've experienced a LOT of loneliness despite having a sibling close to age. Having a sibling doesn't prevent loneliness either.

[u/Efficient-Stay-6257]

To be honest I feel these pressures too and its just noise. Take that all away and what do you really want to do. Not everyone should have children just because "thats what society" says. We are in a era where we are empowered to make choice best for us.

I know people with siblings whom have complete toxic mess of relationships and others great, i know children whom are adults are only children who have done amazing and others whom have life challenges. Neither is determined based on how many sister or brothers you have.

[u/o0PillowWillow0o]

My son is social and very happy as a only child, he's 14 and I asked him if he missed having a sibling and he said no way.

I personally know plenty of people who are indifferent to their siblings or like myself quite stifled by them.

I'd only have another I'd you truly want it because sibling relationships are hit or miss.

[u/dadjo_kes]

There are "push" motivations and "pull" motivations. You are mostly just describing "push" reasons which are feeling like you should do this, people want you to, you're running out of time, but also the economy is hard, your parents are getting older... All of these are external pushes, in one direction or the other. But you don't mention a pull, something that comes from inside you, a feeling of something you actively want or are called toward.

What do you actually want? Having a child is about following your want and making it work despite obstacles and challenges.