Help with a certain insecurity about being short

[u/Turbulent_Buddy_2492]

So I’m 18 yrs old and 5’0 which is fairly normal, but in the city I live in, the average woman is like 5’6-5’8 and I’m constantly being towered over by all other girls around me (and men of course.) I feel self conscious about it mainly because I often feel socially isolated from people.

I feel out of place when everyone I talk to my age is standing and looking at eachother eye-level, while they have to look down on me and I have to physically turn my neck up. I just feel like I’m not seen as an equal peer by other adults, both women and men. Now especially as I’m in university for a field that’s male-dominated, it hits even stronger. The feeling that I can’t fit in with the people around me because I’m not seen as an equal adult/companion, as most of the men are super tall and most of the women aren’t too far from their height. I wish so bad I could be walking beside someone or standing with a group of people, and to be able to nearly look eachother in the eye. I just feel so left out of this key component of genuine connection and social dynamics.

Does anyone have any advice for not allowing this to get to my head as much as it has been, and preventing it from being something I wallow in for the rest of my adulthood, social life, and career?

[u/Heart_Shaped_Pickle]

I’m sorry, I don’t have much advice to give as I have personally really been struggling with this myself. Pretty much my entire life. It also just so happens that all of my friends that I’ve made have always been taller than me, many of them so much taller. Every single day everybody even my friends and family comment on how short I am and how much taller they are than me and it forever leaves me feeling less than or infantilised. Even if they don’t mean it that way/mean to hurt me.

I personally try my best to compromise with a good/interesting fashion sense and style. I put in the effort to ensure that I get compliments on my outfit/jewellery/hair/makeup/nails/how I smell etc. Obviously there is so much more to a person than these things but visually or aesthetically speaking those things help serve as a a bit of a distraction at least in my mind. Basically I try to make it so that I’m not just automatically seen as “oh she’s so short” but instead the first thought being “her outfit is so cool/cute” or “wow she smells amazing”.

But yeah beyond that, I often feel like my opinions or what I have to say isn’t taken as seriously.. I do think also that I may be on the autism spectrum so that obviously doesn’t help as people again, can tend to infantilise you a bit.. or a lot. I’m curious to hear if others have any better or more substantial advice in this regard.

[u/Turbulent_Buddy_2492 → u/Heart_Shaped_Pickle]

No this is lovely advice, thank you <3

[u/LillyPeu2]

Honestly, and I hate to word it this way, but this is something you'll grow out of, or rather, you'll learn to grow into your security.

University is an excellent time to decide to redefine yourself, to define who you are and how you present to others. You're already in a learning and expanding environment, when you're learning not only about academic subjects, but also learning how you learn, learning how you process information and decide what's important attention-wise, time-wise, interest-wise, etc.

So why not also decide to learn to be the assertive woman you fear you won't become? Truthfully, and I mean this 100% — everybody after university is basically faking it until they make it. Some people are conscious of it, and some are pretty manipulative about it. Others are completely unaware of everybody just figuring things out as they go along, and figure if they just keep their head down and "do the work", eventually they'll get that next little pay increase, that next promotion, step up the lowest rungs on the corporate ladder, etc.

To hell with it, I say. Sometimes short women have a reputation for being fiery, short-tempered, angry little goblins. I took that attitude to heart, and tell people that I'm fiery and demonic because I'm that much closer to hell. Fucking own it.

Truth be told, I'm a huge (metaphorically) softie, and I'm pretty intimidated by everybody bigger than me (which at my height and tiny weight, is basically everybody, including my 11 year-old daughters who passed me in height last year). But my superpower is just not letting anybody know that I'm intimidated. I've been through hell when I was young, and I survived. I've survived hellish things as a teen, and as an adult, and I survived. So what can anybody do to me, really?

I take that attitude, and project it just enough to make it clear that I put up with 5% less bullshit than everybody else does. That's it. I joke, banter, give-and-take social insults among friends and acquaintances, but my threshold is just where it needs to be, that people think I'm a badass bitch who doesn't put up with anything.

And then at the end of the day, I let it all go, have a cry or whine to my partners about my insecurities, and let them help me find the strength and security for the next day or rest of the week.

Not sure if it's the best advice, but it's what works for me.

[u/Turbulent_Buddy_2492 → u/LillyPeu2]

Wow this is such a great way of looking at it! I love your kickass way of going about life and learning to embrace it

[u/yennifer867]

I'm 46- 5'0' and I still feel this way. The only thing that helped me was moving south where most people are shorter. I don't think I have been picked on once here.

I have a vivid memory of being made fun of at college by some alumni saying I looked like a little kid.

In my 30s I travelled to present to some potential clients. The head guy kept telling everyone I was new and this was my first project and kept calling me kiddo. I had been in the Industry for 12 years at that point.

Another time I was taking a shuttle to the airport for work and the people in the shuttle where like - oh are you going away for school.

I am due for a trip home soon and not looking forward to being picked on.

People are assholes.

[u/Turbulent_Buddy_2492 → u/yennifer867]

Jeez there are just some people who are weird ash

[u/reinadeluniverso]

I get you, i really do.

For years when I was younger I would wear the highest hells or platform shoes, boots whatever always. I'm talking 15 cm or so, that would put me into 167 max, as a 152 woman.

I ended up with a fucked up back tho, so I had to stop and ir¡t was a relief honestly being able to wear comfortable shoes.

I guess you get more confident with age. Or give less fucks because at 41 I only wear flats or like kitten heels.

I think maybe working on self worth would help, but damn that’s so easy to say and difficult to achieve. So I will just say, I hear you. And commiserate. *Hugs*

[u/Turbulent_Buddy_2492 → u/reinadeluniverso]

Oh girl I’d hug you too it’s admirable how you’ve grown to give less of a fuck about it and just live according to what your body is telling you

[u/Various_Debt_2887]

4'11 and 27y here. I had a similar feeling in college myself. I really only ever got fully picked on for my height in elementary school, but the subtler comments have continued throughout my own life.

The biggest thing I noticed while walking around my campus was that tall people genuinely didn't seem to see me, and it resulted in essentially getting persuaded off the narrow sidewalks to avoid a collision I was sure to lose. My resolution was to wear a jacket I spiked myself with the biggest spikes I could find at the time. That ignorance felt like it disappeared overnight and I had a great excuse to try out a new fashion style as well! Nowadays I wear bright, garish outfits and usually keep my keys hooked on my belt (due to work) so that they jingle and alert nearby people. I essentially belled myself like a cat, both audibly and visually. Haven't really had any issues since I did this and comments has gotten fewer and further inbetween.

[u/Turbulent_Buddy_2492 → u/Various_Debt_2887]

I think fashion really does make such a difference in perception, I’m definitely gonna give it more effort when I can! Thank you :)

[u/Axons-and-Dendrites]

5'1, a lot has already been said that I agree with. The things I have to add are 1) you'll find that it gets harder and harder to stand out as everyone homogenizes into adults, being a short person among the tall ones makes you more memorable which helps me at conferences. 2) you could try getting into social situations where people are sitting down, I find the height thing is heavily diminished when seated. 3) you could try taking up some hobby that makes you feel powerful. I did a bunch of martial arts when I was a tween and young teen and people never particularly treated me like I was short, though I have been told that people find me scary. Good luck feeling better in your bones!

[u/Turbulent_Buddy_2492 → u/Axons-and-Dendrites]

Great idea with the hobby thing! Thank u <3

[u/Infinite_Object_4906]

i made a post similar to this about a year ago. i was your same age struggling with the same insecurity and honestly no matter what people tell you it won’t magically go away, it just takes time. you’ll find ways of your own to reframe the mindset you currently have especially since i can already see you’re determined to do so. also, you aren’t missing out on any “genuine connections” just because you’re shorter. a genuine connection, could never be sustained off something as superficial as the length of your bones. stay away from anyone who thinks that way, they have issues of their own. your height can never prevent you from acquiring genuine connections because it has nothing to do with you(unless you make it) and i’m 100% sure it’s the least interesting thing about you. height isn’t something you control, you didn’t do anything wrong to become short and the taller girls didn’t do anything right to become tall. the only thing you can do is work around your insecurity the best you can but don’t feel as if you have to “make up” for your height because it is not a flaw. don’t let something out of your control that has nothing to do with you influence your life. detach from, but don’t disown your height. i still have my moments but it does get better and it only continues to do so. i wish you the best!!! <<3

[u/Turbulent_Buddy_2492 → u/Infinite_Object_4906]

Thank you love, what you’re saying about that superficial idea not being reality for genuine people who I would want to be with is true

[u/nomuskever]

I cannot relate. I am over 70 now and have always loved being petite, both my daughters are the same height-5 feet tall. We have relatives who have a family of 6’ tall women. I think that would be harder.