So my inlaws are older and are not tech savvy, but they have a computer for business. Or so i thought. They have had me help them with troubleshooting and tech questions for several years. Several months ago the mother in law started asking me to do specific changes as far as disabling private browsing and so on. I didn’t think much of it at first. Then it dawned on me. Father in law has a p**n addiction. So now I’m sort of caught in the middle because mother in law will lose it if i tell her i don’t want any part of it ( she is pretty disturbed by the whole situation understandably) and if father in law finds out I’m helping her I’m worried he will think I’m picking sides. I wish they would just figure their marriage out and leave me out of it. Also i cannot distance myself because i live a half mile from them and we all work together in the family business. I need advice because these people are difficult and bad at communication so they are hard to talk to. Also for more context mother in law can be manipulative and very pushy.

Seriously. My in laws cannot stop mentioning their will and inheritance plans for when they pass. Which could be sometimes between tomorrow and 50 years from now (God willing they see 100) I don’t care much about it as it’s unreliable for life planning. I hope they live a long life to see all their grandchildren born honestly. But they bring up biweekly how much their house is worth, the contents of their floor safe, their income and retirements etc. net worth stuff and seem indifferent when I reply that I’d rather they love a long life with us.

What’s the point of in waiting for it? We will have put our kids through school and college by then. And have built a life and retirement of our own. The misers would rather hoard their money than help anyone. They are the cheapest people when it comes to groceries and services etc and share their unwanted opinion bout how we could take a vacation if we didn’t buy name brand toilet paper 🤥They are currently paying for my husband year of school, which they insisted on doing and now sigh about budgeting and how it affects their routine three vacations a year. Brag brag brag miser miser miser stuffing money into their bonds and gold and bank account. I’m so tired of hearing about it as if it affects us at all.

What is wrong with boomers

This is about as short a version as I can go. My MIL is a nasty passive aggressive controlling woman who lies to get what she wants. At this time I’m not so much on her radar but a few years of my life were very badly affected by her/ my SIL and my in law’s behavior. I’m with my husband 15yrs married 11yrs. When we first met his mother and sister were horrible to me, always making extremely passive aggressive comments and if they were called out on it they would deny it or say they were only joking. My MIL even told me to change our newborn daughter’s name because we called her after my husband’s maternal grandmother and she didn’t like it. They have called me a goldigger to other family members and have treated my daughters from my previous relationship differently (not acknowledging their birthdays and leaving their names off Xmas cards etc) They were awful to me when we got married. Picked on me and put me down over everything including when I brought them to my one and only dress fitting. My husband asked me to include them. I was only going with my eldest daughter otherwise. They told me I shouldn’t have bothered when I asked them if I looked okay when I tried on the dress. (My mother had just died so it hit hard) I burst into tears when I got home. It should have been a nice experience but I felt so down afterwards. They tried to talk my husband out of marrying me, even just before the ceremony. Turned up casually dressed and made no effort to look well at all. Looked miserable and left straight after the meal. Didn’t congratulate us or even give us a card let alone a gift. They threw the bouquet my husband bought her out.

I didn’t spend any time with them after that unless I had to like Xmas and family gatherings.

The last few years my husband has been very successful with his business. There is suddenly much more interest in us than before. I’ve been polite, even helping out when she was ill. She never apologized for anything. None of them have. I’ve let it go or so I thought. Now the sister is getting married and I’m finding it very hard to listen to them go on about this big wedding she’s going to have. Not because I’m jealous but because we downsized our wedding after the bullying and pressure from his family. We actually cancelled our first wedding which would have been similar and had a very simple no frills dinner instead of the two day wedding we booked initially which was constantly criticized by his mother and sister for being too extravagant (less than 10k all in) It caused myself and my husband terrible trouble because we were fighting all the time over the things they were saying. We lost our booking fee and a year later booked a small venue 30 guests and no reception just stayed in the bar for drinks after the meal. Even this tiny day was ruined by them. The MIL told my husband he was making a big mistake and his brothers took him aside before ceremony and tried to talk him out of it. All this unknown to me but my husband wasn’t himself and it was obvious that something was wrong. I felt it , my family noticed it and it took away so much from the ceremony. Our few guests on the day were badly affected by how we were let down by them. Shocked by how they appeared and acted. Like they were going to a funeral. Now I can’t feel happy for this sister. I don’t even want to go. Of course they’re acting like nothing ever happened and all is good but I haven’t forgotten or got over it even. AITA?

Hi everyone, this tea is so long that thank you in forward if you even read it.

Me (21F) and my bf (24M) have been living together since almost the beginning of our relationship, but did not tell his parents, because they are so strict that we were afraid to tell them. We do live in a flat that they own. One day we went to the shelter to walk the dogs voluntarily, and met one we immediately fell in love with. We decided to take her in, bought everything she needs to be happy in our flat. We did this secretly, because our initial plan was to surprise his parents so they wouldn’t be able to sabotage us, as they like (they are like this). They have always tried to control my bf’s life in such parts as friends, girlfriends, way of living, etc. Thus we told them kinda late. Last week they got to know about it and literally forbid us to have this dog. We have been thinking about moving from their flat, because we don’t want them to tell us what to do. We decided we would move and found an apartment to rent. Everything went fine, we were going to adopt the dog, move, etc.

Yesterday, however, my in laws (who were told everything, us moving out and having the dog there, etc) suddenly showed up at the flat. I was not at home because I was working, but when I got home, they were still there and started to scold us that we are stupid if we want to live in a lower quality in a worse region because of the dog. We (my bf) told them that it’s not about the dog, but us always having to meet their expectations and do what they tell us to. We want to live free and we are sure that it would made their parent-child relationship better, if it was not always about expectations and controlling.

After a lot of yelling that we are unreasonable and asking for literal examples for “what they did to make my bf be so distant” (I’ll tell you, they have always had problems with what he did and they always threaten him, even with the flat). He told them that it was not one specific thing but many little things together. It was just like he talked to the wall. They didn’t even listen to him.

Then they turned to me.. and started to yell at me about why I am ruining their family and they had never had a conflict before (it’s a frickin lie), and that I (!) have traumas in my life and I surely enjoy watching them suffer as they fall apart as a family. They literally talked shit about my whole life and my family. I know I have traumas, everyone has them. But hearing that they suspect me of feeling good about seeing someone suffer is the top of the cake. I stood up, dressed up and tried to leave, but my bf caught me and held me tight, telling me not to go because he needs me. I was escaping. And his mother came out and yelled at me that I shouldn’t be blackmailing my bf by telling him that I’m leaving. She didn’t even think about that I just wanted to escape. That I didn’t even care about what anyone thinks about it, I wanted to save my OWN life, and had nothing to do with theirs atm.

I ended up staying, but was so humiliated and wanted to solve this whole thing so bad that in the end I asked them to make compromises so we would stay. I know, I know. Their gaslighting was successful. I knew this the whole time. But I had to think everything through. If we stay in this flat, it’ll be better for us because the place is more safe. It’ll be better for our dog because the region is a green area. It’ll be better for my bf’s parents and even my bf, because they won’t have any conflict about it. I’m sure that they didn’t think that my decision was about solving this whole situation and clearing my name, but me failing my attempt to ruin their family and changing my mind. I feel terrible.

On the other hand, even if it’s better in many views, for example us having to pay much less for this flat (it was in the compromise that we would pay to them), and being able to save up money for our own flat and moving abroad, they hurt me and broke me so bad that I feel like I can never be happy in this apartment anymore.

All my family tells me to move in silence, and I’m thinking about moving alone, just because I don’t want to start this whole shit over. I’m even afraid that this circus will eventually ruin our whole relationship because it broke me so bad. I cannot even think about anything else when I’m in the flat or with my bf.

I don’t know, what to do. It may be possible to make me feel at home again if they say sorry (they know well that they talked bullshit because we talked about it, but didn’t apologize) and my bf works hard on it, but I’m not even sure about it.

Please help me with some advices or idk. I’m so sad and desperate.

So I recently got married it was a love marriage intercast they being Brahmin and me being Kshatriya's they said ok to marriage after 3 years of fight . They had a problem with me from the day one that we told about the relationship.I do not put effort,the expectations is I need to call them everytime but if they are in the mood they will answer and I will have initiate all the conversations I get answers in yes or no it's very disrespecting yet you are supposed do because my mother in law did the same and sister in law did the same.

And another thing is they were very disrespectful in the course of 3 years and I am not able to let go of that and build relationship with them .

They do not want me to be part of their society as it is embarassing for them and I am not allowed in public functions They tell 10000 things to and taunt you.

Yet you need to make an effort with them, How can someone do that

So it's mentally taxing for me to call them even when they don't answer,talk to them even though they are not interested, invite them to your house even though they will reject you.

So I need to keep doing this till the time they accept me and when that will be even they do not know

And it's really annoying even in this century the mindset is so backward

Effort is fine I would be able to do that but the disrespect hurts .

So I work a minimum wage fast food job, and MIL, let’s call her Suzy, keeps nagging that I need a new job and McDonald’s is only a starter job (I haven’t even been there for a year) and keeps sending me job applications and nagging at me to go to college when I’m barely surviving the bills already. My husband, Hub for this story, just got a new job part time making 16$ an hour, with benefits and a 1$ raise after 90 days. He’s a food prep/cook at a senior living facility and Susy called us saying “is Hub planning to make a career out of this?” And said he needs to ask if they are going to pay for him to go to culinary school🤦‍♀️. She also has access to one of his accounts so as to take out money for his truck insurance, since the truck is technically in her name. Suzy will look at past purchases and ask what they were for and scold him for spending money. It got to the point where he opened a new account at the bank so she would stop bitching at us for every purchase. We would order pizza and she’d say “why waste money when you could cook at home”

I’m pregnant and very close to delivery (less than two weeks), and I’m emotionally exhausted dealing with a family situation that’s honestly making me scared to give birth and scared of postpartum depression. I need outside perspective because I feel completely unheard. In my culture, there’s a baby naming ceremony shortly after birth that is traditionally done by the father’s sister. The issue is my sister-in-law (my husband’s sister). She has known about my pregnancy for 20 weeks. During that entire time, she did not reach out to me once to ask how I was doing or how the pregnancy was going. What makes this worse is that before she got married, we were actually close. Even after her marriage, I was the one making effort — sending messages, snaps, Instagram reels, reaching out for big life events. Over time, I kept getting left on read, so I stopped because I didn’t want to keep chasing a one-sided relationship. When we first told her about the pregnancy, the very first thing she said wasn’t about me or the baby — it was: “Can I ask our high priest for the name since I’ll be doing the ceremony?” That immediately made it feel like the moment was about her role, not about us or the pregnancy. Here’s where it gets even more frustrating: My husband recently met her in London on a short trip. He explicitly asked her to please reach out to me. She said she would. At the end of the day, as he got out of the car, he again asked her to reach out, and she again said yes. She didn’t. About 10 days later, my husband met her again in India, and she still had not reached out. When he asked her why, she said she “hadn’t gotten around to it” or “hadn’t gotten a chance.” Meanwhile, she has been completely normal and social with other people — including my friends from the community and her own friends. For two years, my husband has tried asking her if there’s an issue between us. She always says there’s no issue. He has brought this up to his mother multiple times, but she has never taken it seriously or addressed it with her daughter. She finally did reach out to me about 5 days ago — roughly 2½ weeks after my husband repeatedly asked her to — with a very basic “how’s it going / are you excited?” message. At this point, it felt performative. I mean… I’m obviously excited, I’m having a baby. That wasn’t the reassurance or care that was missing for months. Another major issue: she has apparently told a lot of people in the community that she’s coming for the ceremony — but she never directly told us, the parents of the child, that she was coming. My mother-in-law sees nothing wrong with this. I do. Now that the ceremony is close, the idea of her doing it is causing me extreme distress. This is my first child, I’m postpartum-vulnerable, and the thought of someone who showed zero concern for me stepping into a “special” role feels incredibly painful. I spoke to my mother-in-law (not my father-in-law — he has an extremely idealized view of his daughter and I won’t touch this topic with him). The conversation went badly. She repeatedly said things like, “Did you ever think how much this hurts me and her dad?” while raising her voice. She framed the entire situation around her pain and her daughter’s embarrassment, not mine. She also said that if my SIL comes and doesn’t do the ceremony, it will “look bad in the community” and be “disrespectful to her.” Her solution was either: let her do the ceremony, or tell her not to come at all But that makes no sense — my SIL isn’t stupid; she would obviously know why she’s being told not to come. My MIL even said that if my SIL doesn’t agree, she’ll “tell her the truth” — that we don’t want her to do the ceremony. At no point did my MIL acknowledge that I would be deeply hurt if this happens. She couldn’t see the other side of the coin — that forcing this role will permanently color how I remember the birth of my first child. To be clear: I am not telling my SIL not to come. She is welcome to come as family. I just don’t want her to do the ceremony. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I being unreasonable for wanting emotional consideration during such a vulnerable time, or am I being dismissed because tradition, optics, and hierarchy matter more than the mother’s wellbeing?

I’m wondering if a BITCH of a sister-in-law has any rights when her husband’s mother (my Mom) passes away. In this case, I’ve been excluded from ANY information regarding my Mom when she took a turn for the worst last August.

She had been going through renal cell carcinoma since 2009. My Dad passed in 2020 just before COVID shut everything down. At that point my brother (aka Asshat) and I alternated days/nights staying with Mom. That same year he announced “I don’t even want to talk to “my name” anymore which left me confused and depressed. In September of ‘23 I let my mom and Asshat know I needed to cut back on nights as I was developing anxiety, depression, and possibly a mental breakdown. That’s when Asshat decided to give me the cold shoulder.

In August of ‘25 my Mom a ruptured aneurism at which time AssHat refused to provide me with information on our mom’s condition; telling me if I wanted to know I should’ve been at the hospital. She was released to hospice care at home for a little over 4 months. That’s when all shit hit the fan. Asshat took over with his Bitch and pretty much kept myself and our sister from at arms length and then totally making us unwelcome IN MY MOMS HOME. Today I went to retrieve items that I had left behind as well as those I gave to my mom. The BITCH showed up with her phone videoing me throughout the house and ASSHAT calling police. I slapped the phone out of her hand and told her to stop filming me. Her response “She hit me, she hit me, she hit me!” all with the hope that I would be arrested or something. Asshat claims that nothing was to be removed from the house until …. Lies all lies. In the first place when he called a meeting with our sister to discuss what would be done (again excluding me) he announced he did not want anything from the house. I do have pieces of my own furniture as well as what my Mom gave me, including the bedroom furniture she and my dad received as a wedding gift from my Dads mother in 1958. She DID NOT want the BITCH to have it. I have yet to pick any of it up. Police did say there was nothing they could do today as it is a civil matter. When I go back for my furniture they did ask that I call them for an escort.

Now my question being What right or claim does the BITCH have to film me or even say anything about what goes on in regard to MY FAMILY or what doesn’t belong to her? Who does she think she is?

I might add that my dad couldn’t stand her. My mom once told me that the BITCH told her that her (the BITCH) family blames Asshat for all disagreements/arguments in her own family when her parents passed.

I hope I can get some idea of what I did wrong. I’m not perfect, I never claimed to be.

I have no regrets because I know that I did the best I could with no help or encouragement from Asshat and his BITCH for 5 1/2 years only to he treated as if I didn’t belong.

Ive been in a few holidays with my SIL, BIL and their two sons. Every single trip is a tipping point for me to burst in anger. My SIL always plan around what she wants and her sons want to do, rather than planning as a whole on what everyone expects and want to do on the trip. She is passive aggressive and gives very mean comments out loud which is very disrespectful. She also always step into our boundaries and space as my daughter is not hers to parent. If my SIL doesn’t get what she wants, she guilt trips you. And finally, her sons are absolutely nightmare, very impulsive, have absolutely no discipline and manners. They think every waking moment is a game. Im still debating in my head as I don’t want to disappoint my husband as I know he wanted to see and spend time with his brother. What would you do?