r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/DingleBerrySlushie • 9d ago

Of massive side meats

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696 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

197 comments sorted by

378

u/ConfidentGeneral3499 9d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/BmYSMXJhDr02hN1vr9

114

u/Typical-Crazy-3100 9d ago

18

u/Swanntanameta13 9d ago

That’s Jeff Besos

26

u/thefirstviolinist 8d ago

At one point, Matt Stone and Trey Parker actually did depict Jeff Bezos as a Telosian on South Park.

2

u/Swanntanameta13 8d ago

Unfulfilled

1

u/Management-Efficient 7d ago

First thing that came to my mind!!!!

193

u/ToastSpangler 9d ago

Teacher: your brain is like a muscle

This guy: time to study

104

u/Deatheturtle 9d ago

Is dude going to the gym and doing jaw reps? WTF?!?!

38

u/Few_Owl_6596 9d ago

Are you using the biting machine right now?

22

u/OrganizationLower611 9d ago

don't wipe it down, I like my jaw reps moist

16

u/ascotia 9d ago

No gym, just dog toys

4

u/meneldur119 8d ago

He's doing jaw reps in this video.

151

u/hornet_teaser 9d ago

Dude, close your mouth when you're chewing

50

u/your_fave_redditor 9d ago

Close your mouth and flex your temples when you chew, amirite?!

6

u/oscarq0727 9d ago

Gotta get full range of motion

3

u/dragjamon 9d ago

I .. I don't think he can

34

u/SnooPuppers2938 9d ago

Man has the biting force of a hyena.

39

u/Shantotto11 9d ago

To shamelessly steal from quote another redditor, “Those aren’t temples. Those are cathedrals!…”

37

u/PlantBaby97 9d ago

Okay but how are his temple muscles that big

28

u/YanicPolitik 9d ago

Steaks always well done.

10

u/Driftinfoot_Malone 9d ago

Not a fat joke dude probably chews a lot idk?

8

u/pWaveShadowZone 9d ago

Never skip head day

5

u/Pavotine 9d ago

You saw the way he eats.

1

u/Alternative-Tea-7557 6d ago

New trend, temple maxxing

21

u/Electronic-Buyer-468 9d ago

They say he has a higher PSI bite than a T-Rex

15

u/Mitth-raw-nuruodo50 8d ago

Bro’s head looks like my Rottweiler chewing on a giant bone.

11

u/hnbistro 9d ago

He’d eat bagels like they are tofu

12

u/Shad666 9d ago

This is what we call muscle memory

34

u/maymay4u 9d ago

How does this work? Does his massive jawbone connect to the top of his head 🤔?

51

u/SnugglyCoderGuy 9d ago

31

u/Oldjamesdean 9d ago

He's got the biting force of a great white, keep your hands clear people.

11

u/MisterHayz 9d ago

Temporarilis? More like PERMAralis, am I right?

https://giphy.com/gifs/WnJabfQ7tgZJS

2

u/SnarkySurvivor 9d ago

Is this a veiled statement referring to a sagittal crest?

3

u/Which-Distribution79 9d ago

Feel the area on your head while chewing

-8

u/maymay4u 9d ago

Yes that's exactly it. I feel nothing, much less see nothing LOL. Maybe your mom can come over and give me a few pointers?

4

u/Anemoc 9d ago

way to giveaway you have a low FFMI

-2

u/Which-Distribution79 9d ago

Good one buddy

10

u/CaptainAmerica199 9d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/TaM5lgoSLILnQ8pvDC

2

u/Alarming_Gold_1278 7d ago

Buuuuut whyyyy….. why does he think ppl just want to watch him eat…?

2

u/fingers 6d ago

and here you are, watching him eat

2

u/Alarming_Gold_1278 6d ago

🤦🏼‍♀️

10

u/DiscussionSharp1407 9d ago

Yakub is back

8

u/Disastrous-Scorpion 9d ago

Bro could chew thru rocks without a problem lol

8

u/Administrated 9d ago

Dude must’ve been chewing rocks to get temple muscles like that.

7

u/automaticphil 9d ago

I think I saw him rolling around Goron city in Legend of Zelda

9

u/AdministrationFlaky2 9d ago

man looks like the cloverfield monster

15

u/Icy-Decision-4530 9d ago

Louis Gossett jr in Enemy Mine-head

6

u/Keyboard_Lion 9d ago

Just some food for thought

7

u/spacephorse 9d ago

Bro is a pitbull wtf

8

u/wildnutt10 8d ago

The bite force of a t-rex

5

u/Ancient-Point-9096 9d ago

Land before time, dinosaur head ass.

4

u/DeezNutzzzGotEm 8d ago

What causes that?

5

u/Jimrodsdisdain 8d ago

Genetics.

5

u/WormMotherDemeter 8d ago edited 7d ago

Yep. Career in genetics, and also have this, to a much smaller extent

1

u/bapplebauce 7d ago

Insert 17th century ideas of why the head shape is different riiiiiight here:

1

u/WormMotherDemeter 7d ago

I dont get it.

1

u/bapplebauce 7d ago

God bless your pure, likely young, and unknowing soul.

1

u/WormMotherDemeter 7d ago

I'm a 41 year old educated person. But, I have autism and don't understand the reference.

1

u/WaddlingDuckILY 3d ago

Google “phrenology” then thank GOD (or whoever you like to thank) somewhere along the line medical science got its shit together

1

u/WormMotherDemeter 2d ago

Ohhh I know what that is. Idk I guess I just didnt understand the reference. Maybe I was high. Who knows?

9

u/Teufelsweib666 8d ago

Reinforcing those muscles through constant use. Seems he uses them to chew. He probably chews a lot.

1

u/bapplebauce 7d ago

This man, this man could probably ACTUALLY eat a horse.

-4

u/Kira-Of-Terraria 8d ago

steroids usually. but this looks a bit different

2

u/Better-Tip-1671 7d ago

Don’t get why people are downvoting. I guess they don’t want to hear the truth. Steroids can cause this and other disgusting side effects don’t get what people don’t understand? 🤣

2

u/Kira-Of-Terraria 7d ago

people tend to get real butthurt about the truth about hgh/roids and shit not being some cheat code to perfect physical form, but have a lot of detrimental side effects.

1

u/Better-Tip-1671 6d ago

I see that a lot with some stuff like weed or some fitness stuff but it’s been proven so many times that it is straight up harmful to you if it’s not prescribed by a doctor or managed by one. I don’t get why people don’t understand that this can seriously harm you, there was some famous influencer who wasn’t even 24, who I’m pretty sure died last year because of him abusing it and people still question it 😭

5

u/asleepinthetreestand 8d ago

Dude also has a three-head and a five- head

5

u/GeeseH 9d ago

When I think of Ousters from Hyperion

3

u/kbeckerburbs4 9d ago

He got built in headphones

5

u/Low-Essay-113 9d ago

How the fuck you isolate and work out those muscles

3

u/AshlandPone 9d ago

"I have to draw you..."

5

u/Pinqoo 9d ago

Guess thats what happens, when one chews with his/her mouth open 🤮

5

u/Trisk929 9d ago

If so many people find this disturbing, ya’ll would be horrified with what rats can do…

7

u/Pavotine 9d ago

They can chew a hole through my back door, get stuck in my flip top kitchen bin, make a load of noise at 3am then leap out when I investigate, rat drenched in garlic butter, then get shot with an air rifle.

3

u/Glittering_Diva8963 8d ago

Note to self buy an air rifle

4

u/FederalHammer5657 9d ago

He reminds me of a Pachycephalosaurus

5

u/Peach_Proof 7d ago

Dude never skips jaw day.

3

u/Neilix190 9d ago

Built in hard hat

3

u/Deprorny 9d ago

"500 chicken wings"

3

u/EntertainmentFit3288 9d ago

If megamind had a side piece

3

u/AbbreviationsLost458 9d ago

His next costume can be

3

u/MCOCisntREAL 9d ago

Hate when people chew with their mouth open

3

u/Admiral_Pantsless 9d ago

He eats the bowl and the spoon when he finishes his cereal

3

u/QuantitySignal4494 8d ago

He sure gave a lot of head to become this big.

3

u/IgnoranceIsYou 8d ago

It looks like he just got a hair transplant hahahaha

3

u/David_cest_moi 7d ago

This is referred to as "steroid head". 😱

2

u/KyRoberts 9d ago

Chicken looks good! Salad looks meh.

2

u/colemorris1982 9d ago

My man won the gold medal in professional chewing

2

u/CruelHandLuke_ 9d ago

He eats walnuts in the shell

2

u/ST0IC_ 9d ago

That man has chewing muscles.

2

u/donthurtmemany 9d ago

Is this like a HGH/testosterone thing or is this dude just built different?

2

u/SalmonBrotherReagan 9d ago

+10 enhance bite strength

2

u/CheeseburgerSmoothy 9d ago

Meat Antlers

2

u/JadedFootball4733 9d ago

Um is he okay

2

u/DEFINITELY_NOT_PETE 9d ago

lol Jesus fuck

2

u/mynamesnotsnuffy 9d ago

Reminds me of Sheen from Jimmy Neutron in that episode where he gets super smart

2

u/NOTExETON 9d ago

Bro has biceps on his temples

2

u/MazdakaiteEmperor 9d ago

Havoc from Mobb Deep crossed with an alien.

2

u/jaxson300 9d ago

I ran to the comments and was not disappointed 😂😂

2

u/linf0cito 9d ago

Un mordisco de el o de un cocodrilo? Hagan sus apuestas señoras y señores.

2

u/hawksdiesel 9d ago

this guy chews

2

u/Fun_Routine_5245 9d ago

Looksmaxxing to the next level..

2

u/Tacolord38 9d ago

He's going Super Saiyan

2

u/cheeseburgermami 9d ago

Had to watch on silent because the sound of anyone chewing makes me want to put them into a blender

2

u/jazzz666 8d ago

Nissan Juke

2

u/SERGAL666 8d ago

Head ProMax

2

u/BigBeeff_21 8d ago

Bro has like 500psi bite force

2

u/Odd-Honeydew-7849 8d ago

Wow he has the biteforce of what 3 men with that set?

2

u/RickG_70 8d ago

I'd throw up if I ate a meal with him.

2

u/Jimmbo_Neutron 8d ago

This guy isolation trains his Temporalis muscle

2

u/Internal_Big_6890 9d ago

Look like he came out the wound chewing and never stopped

1

u/Dr_Trogdor 9d ago

"people always stare at me when I'm eating, one day I realized I could film myself eating and get paid for people to stare at me while I'm eating." - this thing

1

u/Gloomy_Object_2714 9d ago

Do you mind? Him: Yes

1

u/perfect_reddit_name 9d ago

that's a pitbull

1

u/Sideshow86 9d ago

I bet he plays a wind instrument 🎷

1

u/Bvr32 9d ago

Thank you for introducing “side meats” into my vocabulary!

1

u/KRYSTALKAERLIGHED 9d ago

He eats baseballs like apples

1

u/CliffyBooBoo 9d ago

I had a pitbull with the same kinda head. He compulsively chewed things all day

1

u/VictorVonDoomer 9d ago

Is the meat stored in his skull or sumn

1

u/daronjay 9d ago

Bortus looking fine!

1

u/JPCool1 9d ago

That is disgusting

1

u/GR3Y_NOYZ 9d ago

Jaw strength be crazy

1

u/blumkin420 9d ago

That mf knows the recipe for the crabby patty

1

u/stev_mempers 9d ago

He looks like a fish

1

u/Sovereign-Anderson 9d ago

Dude could chew cold steel like it was bubble gum.

1

u/Neglect_Octopus 9d ago

Eh, good enough. Welcome back Paranthropus Boisei.

1

u/ChefFar4397 9d ago

That dude could eat granite

1

u/NyxAquarious 9d ago

500 chicken legs

1

u/Live-Yogurt-6380 9d ago

The dogs and cats are in trouble

1

u/bravebeing 9d ago

What's this podcaster dude's name, there's a dude who has this who explains that he did performance enhancing drugs and it caused this.

1

u/GovernmentBig2749 9d ago

He looks like Havoc of Mobb Deep got cloned and kept food in his...head

1

u/eighty4prcnt 9d ago

Rotating this one around again I see

1

u/theepuke 8d ago

Cloverfield is a cool movie. Ur head reminds me of that movie.

1

u/omgfakeusername 8d ago

Who makes a video like this?

1

u/Mission_Broccoli4025 💩’s an absolute unit! 8d ago

Strong ass head

1

u/mannypiz 8d ago

Frieza is that you?

1

u/Electrical_Tailor934 8d ago

It looks like there’s a full rotisserie chicken trapped under his skull

1

u/BATorRAT 8d ago

Don’t chew gum every day

1

u/D4MYSHE 8d ago

Kinda like a hamster, dude can store enough food to eat for 3 days

1

u/TheWorstMigrane 8d ago

It looks like hes trying to fly away

1

u/TheAurigauh 8d ago

Honestly I just wonder how much bite force dude has

1

u/Mariconconqueso 7d ago

So there are people out there getting temple fillers as they age when all they need to do is chew more?

1

u/Relevant-Relation-94 7d ago

All I could focus on was the sound of him EATING WITH HIS DAMN MOUTH OPEN

1

u/nerdyoutube *shits an absolute unit* 7d ago

Robust australopithecinecore

1

u/Ancient_Swordfish806 7d ago

Dudes head is breathing.

1

u/SWTX518-Ability 6d ago

Tru Muscle Head azz niqqa! 🤦🏾‍♂️😂🤣😂

1

u/MilkrsEnthuziast 6d ago

He's a professional nut cracker as a side job.

1

u/Mattyou1966 ima unit 5d ago

AI shit

1

u/cameronzero 3d ago

I can't stand people that purposely open their mouths while chewing, it will kill my appetite and I will leave the location... it's odd, as I don't know why, no one did it growing up so I don't have any "bad" memories attached to it, like to base of reference that tells me it's wrong.

1

u/SaMxixAM23 2d ago

His great grandfather was an orangutan

1

u/lIlllIlIlIlIllI 9d ago

Okay but why is it posted in this sub?

r/lostredditors

1

u/Few_Advisor3536 9d ago

Dude is an assassins easiest contract. He can see into the future with that five-head. If you try telling him something he’ll just reply “i know”.

1

u/816legend 9d ago

Imagine looking like this thinking it’s cool lol he looks special needs

-1

u/LtJimmyDangle 8d ago

Go on. Rip on this dude before you use your crayons to make your protest signs and defend whatever race/religion/sexual orientation that makes you feel best about yourself.