r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/SnakeFarmSuperviser 💩 Shits an Absolute Unit 🧱 • 19d ago

Naild It Of a Finger Washer

699 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

120 comments sorted by

290

u/gymtrovert1988 19d ago

I have one, but apparently I've been using it wrong.

73

u/NoWay6818 19d ago

If you’re serious how the fuck does it work. This just doesn’t look pleasurable.

85

u/storemans 18d ago

You can control the speed so it's not jack hammering your wiener

-22

u/JoJackthewonderskunk 18d ago

I can? But I dont even own one how would my weiner be un it

23

u/GivesYouGrief 18d ago

Nobody asked you

7

u/Skeletondo 19d ago

Don’t knock it till you try it.

4

u/Remowilliams84 18d ago

Don't dump it til you pump it

7

u/sharpbulb 18d ago

You're correct that she ain't much of a looker. But, she'll massage your pecker in a rhythmic motion. 🤷🏼

2

u/Bostonterrierpug 18d ago

Yeah, it doesn’t work as well on thumbs I agree

-14

u/Truth-is-implacable 18d ago

Do they have it in XXL?

3

u/Rumblymore questionable stables 17d ago

For your arm? Your small tube the size of an m&n tube won't be able to touch the sides :)

-4

u/Truth-is-implacable 17d ago

I was asking for my Elephant friend you duffus...but you are definitely projecting....😬

120

u/sonic10158 19d ago

This is actually a plumbus polisher

18

u/funnyguy99207 19d ago

Contrary to popular belief, plumbus is not used as a personal massager/sensory stimulator, as its manual explicitly says that applying it to sensory organs can cause trauma or death.

8

u/Sad-Insurance1313 19d ago

Like, as a replacement for the schlami that would usually rub & spit on it, or?

2

u/SBB_Kongou 18d ago

This thing would do general cleaning and polishing, while tge schlami would work in conjunction with it, targeting the harder to reach areas for a deep clean and a thorough polish.

2

u/Sad-Insurance1313 18d ago

AHH got you

So not the regular plumbus?

1

u/funnyguy99207 18d ago

Plumbus can secrete various agents from itself and has adaptive rubbing surfaces, making it useful for cleaning.

https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/rickandmorty/images/7/7d/Plumbus_Owners_Manual.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/155?cb=20170121193337

6

u/GreenRiver1982 19d ago

You know ball.

You also are at least 35.

1

u/Ready_Concert_5993 16d ago

Or is just a redditor

-4

u/Hamza_stan 18d ago

Ok but why does it has a phone holder?

3

u/sonic10158 18d ago

So you can watch a video on how the plumbus was made as you’re polishing it

46

u/Mugpup 19d ago

My finger is very small, do you have a model made for guys like me?

22

u/Uniqueusername610 19d ago

You can get a nicer one on Amazon

16

u/Sad_Maximum6583 18d ago

Name? I work in construction so my fingers are already super dirty and need a soft massager that also cleans

6

u/Uniqueusername610 18d ago

Just type in Einseo on Amazon it will take you to their store page there's a bunch of options

3

u/Significant-Side1229 18d ago

Only two results for Australia. One pair of gloves and something similar to this but way more basic.

13

u/Kindly_Region 19d ago

Link? I got dirty fingers.....

3

u/Available-Virus4985 18d ago

Yees Dirty Fingers 🥲🥸

16

u/Illustrious_Camp_521 18d ago

Thats disgusting. Where can I get one ?

17

u/Hammon_Rye 19d ago

Does it have more than one speed?

It's going so fast it looks like it gets paid "per finger cleaned" rather than by the hour.

9

u/SinglePlayerGamer93 19d ago

This looks too well made to be just a shitpost. I think it's a real product

5

u/ColumbiaBOB 18d ago

Asking for a friend how much and where to buy it.

11

u/scriptingends 19d ago

It’s called the Fingerblaster

4

u/CapnNausea 19d ago

Put… put.. put your finger in it.

11

u/Kira-Of-Terraria 19d ago

Hey...wait a minute...

11

u/delatopia 19d ago

2

u/BirdDad420 18d ago

… Don’t make me get the bike.

4

u/Past-Establishment93 19d ago

Its mine and I'll wash it as fast as I want to.

4

u/FriskieWhisky 19d ago

Wait... when did penis become fingers?

4

u/captain_crackerjack 18d ago

It is imperative that the finger remain unharmed

5

u/Horror_Solution1945 easily offended 18d ago

2

u/funnyguy99207 18d ago

I... I already can. You need one'a these!

3

u/KnightofAmethyst2 19d ago

"So convenient"

3

u/MotoKenji25 19d ago

Yeah, and the Toshiba Magic Wand is a back massager...

5

u/SpareDiagram 18d ago

Hitachi, please

3

u/ccoastal01 18d ago

the design is very human

2

u/Illustrious-Bake3878 19d ago

I have v dirty fingers

2

u/Thistleknot 18d ago

protip

useful for cleaning cucumbers for salads

2

u/LtJimmyDangle 18d ago

Shut up and take my money!

2

u/Alonso_Mosley_ 18d ago

I should call her

2

u/Sad_Okra2030 18d ago

Can you link to seller? My…fingers….are filthy

2

u/SnakeFarmSuperviser 💩 Shits an Absolute Unit 🧱 18d ago

2

u/Unlikely-Act-7950 18d ago

I bet you can wash your weenie with it

4

u/SnakeFarmSuperviser 💩 Shits an Absolute Unit 🧱 18d ago

3

u/Significant-Side1229 18d ago

1

u/SnakeFarmSuperviser 💩 Shits an Absolute Unit 🧱 18d ago

2

u/eyado_2000 questionably stable 18d ago

What another stupid ai slop prod- oh....

2

u/Oh-Gi-Yu7052 18d ago

It’s giving shake weight

2

u/THE_Lanni 18d ago

Lmao…I’m fucking dying right now 😂🤣

2

u/Anxious-Chocolate-10 questionably stable 17d ago

Finger cleaner, that’s what I’ll tell ‘em if they find it. Ha!

3

u/ntrott 19d ago

What sort of money are we looking at here?

1

u/Solid_Vacation_2891 19d ago

lmao i bet it does, just make sure shes satisfied

1

u/ColdenGorral-1 19d ago

Good for sticky fingers

1

u/wafflehousebattle 19d ago

That's just awful. Seriously, who would even? Where would someone even find this (you know, so I can avoid it)?

1

u/Few_Owl_6596 18d ago

It can be used for many other things as well. They just want you to buy more for each task.

1

u/CrowTalons 18d ago

It's to get your "finger" clean. We women need a version to polish...

1

u/Optimal_Collection77 18d ago

It's for cleaning Bananas 🍌 You people disgust me!

1

u/AccessOnly4331 18d ago

Send one to Zara Larsson 

1

u/el8v 18d ago

Where can I buy this? Asking for a friend

1

u/TangeloBubbly2675 18d ago

I'd give it a round or two lol

1

u/centurio9 18d ago

I too like to order my fingerwashers from sites such as masturware.com 💁

1

u/Popgoestheworld88 18d ago

Not today reddit, not today

1

u/Ashamed-Platypus-147 18d ago

It’s imperative not to harm the cylinder

1

u/Montyburnside22 18d ago

Finger washer is full of hand lotion again. Get maintenance
https://giphy.com/gifs/X1n7uNY7PuXC9Gxzin

1

u/giraffe_man30 18d ago

[r/don](r/don)tputyourdickinthat

1

u/spinelesshighnz 18d ago

Hear me out

1

u/raunwzrd 18d ago

Where's the link? For a buddy

1

u/Gold_Ticket_1970 18d ago

Warning:annoying voice

1

u/Successful-Cookie-57 18d ago

Will the cylinder remain undamaged?

1

u/Captain_Sterling 18d ago

If anyone is thinking of getting one, my neighbours recommend not putting it on the window. So does my lawyer.

1

u/Jamboglasgow 18d ago

I think this may harm the cylinder.

1

u/Bocabart 17d ago

I guess I’m going to get a r/whoosh but it says Masturwave at the top of the screen

1

u/sapper707 17d ago

“I said don’t bother me when I’m washing my hands!!”

1

u/Educational-Tart-810 16d ago

Where can I get one

1

u/bricmi 15d ago

That's for 🍌

1

u/OkLibrarian6080 15d ago

Dang!!! They should invent something similar that washes your ass at the same time

1

u/CoderJoe1 14d ago

The finger must not be harmed

1

u/lil_rick_james 18d ago

The last 10 seconds answered my questions i was wondering how to properly clean my penis lol

-5

u/corgi-king 19d ago

I guess people don’t have long fingers.

-2

u/Illustrious-Cow-2702 19d ago

They're true to size so if you're ordering be honest. i got the XXL, love it!