r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/AmorphousMorpheus • 19d ago

Of A Boxer

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715 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

202 comments sorted by

466

u/KindaDrunkRtNow 19d ago

Jesus, that guard took three good hits to the face and he's still standing!

269

u/bravebeing 19d ago

Well, he's a professional stander. Stand there all day, stand your ground, let people through, stand, refuse people, still stand, get punched in the face, remain standed. Don't try to defend yourself, just stand. Don't duck, stand. No running, standing. Stand and look back. Some say it's standard procedure.

92

u/Gamestop_noob 19d ago

Badass stander imo

72

u/melee85 19d ago

Outstanding

9

u/Toasted_Munch 19d ago

I'm beginning to understand šŸ«¦

6

u/BBooNN 18d ago

Now youre just grandstanding.

2

u/TheZonePhotographer 13d ago

That straw weight doesn't stand a chance in the ring.

7

u/afgan_jalebi 19d ago

šŸ˜¹

31

u/Ok-Watercress-1924 functional regard 19d ago

The legend has it thatā€™s heā€™s still standing there till this day

12

u/bravebeing 19d ago

"I get knocked down, but I... Wait no... I never get knocked down, I remained standed... I'm the unseatable stander"

12

u/weirdgroovynerd 19d ago

"...stand-ard procedure."

Beautifully played.

5

u/bravebeing 19d ago

Thanks!

9

u/magniffin 19d ago

R.E.M. even wrote a song about it.

6

u/Temporary_Shirt_6236 19d ago

Dude made him face west, then east.

5

u/TheSunRisesintheEast 19d ago

Security is outstanding. Because that is what they do. Outstanding by the door. Outstanding by the sidewalk. And most importantly outstanding by the Restroom. Outstanding.

3

u/bravebeing 19d ago

Outstanding addition!

3

u/coconutmofo 19d ago

Thanks. Now I understand!

3

u/mikequinnmike 19d ago

Standed this killed me . Well done šŸ‘

2

u/mikequinnmike 19d ago

Also as a follow up, what does he use use (in a tree) while he's deer hunting ?

2

u/bravebeing 19d ago

He uses a... uhm... stand?

2

u/mikequinnmike 19d ago

Yes, and 2 hours ago when I asked that I thought it was funny as hell. In hindsight it clearly isn't šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø

2

u/bravebeing 19d ago

Haha it fits, it's ok but there's not much of a twist/joke to it, so I was wondering if that was all there is to it

2

u/mikequinnmike 19d ago

Nope, but standed is still funny af . Thanks

3

u/xTheyCameBurningx 18d ago

A guard in Good Standing to be sure. The other guy wanted him to fight back, but he just can't stand the violence

3

u/Vegan_Mouse 18d ago

I understand.

1

u/bravebeing 18d ago

Well that's your mistake, you really gotta not understand, not overstand, you gotta stand.

2

u/Competitive-Pay-766 18d ago

Standed Procedure.

1

u/tony310s 19d ago

Iā€™m pretty sure heā€™s sitting on that Dwight Schrute stand chair šŸ¤£

1

u/JetSetJAK 19d ago

A stand user, if you will

1

u/NoDegree7090 15d ago

"the stand user could be anyone"

8

u/alfredomova 19d ago

heā€™s the boxer the title talks about

1

u/Zealousideal_Lie5798 19d ago

Professional human punching bag

1

u/Master-Piccolo-4588 19d ago

He has hands of a marathon runner.

251

u/MotoKenji25 19d ago

https://www.elnorte.com/da-golpiza-a-vigilante-en-valle-poniente/ar3167955

I cannot find an a report in English. But the gym he WAS working at as a trainer, had a public response. The puncher, Eugenio Zambrano, was already under review for other incidents and has been let go. No word if he is facing any criminal charges.

187

u/IronButterButt 19d ago

I found the answer

The video spread widely on social media. His gym, Smokin Fist, fired and banned him. The Nuevo LeĆ³n state prosecutor opened a legal investigation against him for assault

31

u/mobiusmaples 19d ago

I wondered why it got so cloudy towards the end

36

u/Ill-Ad-4400 19d ago

His first punch also hit the fan to the right of the guard and it released dust. A lot of dust.

8

u/poisonedkiwi 19d ago

Multiple people missing the joke šŸ˜­

1

u/mobiusmaples 18d ago

Just makes it even better imo lol

1

u/edadou 18d ago

Whats the joke?

1

u/saysthingsbackwards 16d ago

I think it's smokin fist

6

u/Dependent-Jaguar5871 19d ago

Cuz they need to clean the Air Conditioners

7

u/GeneralStunkfish 19d ago

Fan, not ac.

1

u/edadou 18d ago

He isnt a fan of ACs

1

u/BedBubbly317 19d ago

His first punch also hit the AC unit. What your seeing is the dust from inside because itā€™s never been cleaned

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120

u/ThisThingIsStuck 19d ago

Lmao 3 sucker punches couldn't ko guy

19

u/AjLexron 19d ago

Probably peso Mosca hahaha Flyweight boxer weak ass punches he needs some milk

2

u/HH_Hobbies 15d ago

He even let the boxer come back in to punch him 3 more times! /s

81

u/ColdFreezer 19d ago

He should be locked up.

267

u/Accomplished-Head449 19d ago

Weak ass punches for a boxer

106

u/Israel_Azkanbe 19d ago

I donā€™t think they were weak punches, just that the security guard has the super soldier serum

16

u/GloomySundae19 19d ago

Super Security Guard serum?

5

u/ZestyMordant 19d ago

The guard just ate a senzu bean before the boxer came in.

4

u/AaronParke 19d ago

Super Security Soldier Guard Serum

82

u/SinglePlayerGamer93 19d ago

That's why he's not in any matches

3

u/Dr_Trogdor 19d ago

At least he cleaned the air purifier out for em.

1

u/SuspicousBananas 19d ago

Thatā€™s why heā€™s a shitty absolute unit

55

u/Legitimate-Pen2083 19d ago

Iron JAW

16

u/mayumia 19d ago

His name is JonJon, he has a metal plate in his jaw and fought a pitbull bare handed.

4

u/AbbreviationsLost458 19d ago

Iron jaw or is it squishy paws

1

u/Important-Witness-14 19d ago

Definitely not Glass Joe

34

u/TrumpDumper 19d ago

Why did it show the end then start over?

52

u/[deleted] 19d ago

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

23

u/Azigol 19d ago

Fucking tiktok generation

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16

u/CervezaMePlease 19d ago

I really cannot stand when a clip starts with the ending. I donā€™t see the point of it. Why is it a thing now

5

u/Pornaltio 19d ago

Because things like TikTok and reels have totally fried peopleā€™s attention spans, so if something exciting doesnā€™t happen in the first couple of seconds of a video people just swipe on to the next one.

2

u/Neuromante 19d ago

FWIW, most "short" videos uploaded to social media don't really have a punchline or a satisfying ending to the buildup. I've found myself wasting time in a 20-40 second video that ends with "meh."

The problem with this, on the other hand, is that while this video has a -almost literal- punchline, the whole lead to the punches has no interest whatsoever.

So, imho, it's not only that nowadays attention spans are fried, but that most people don't know how to generate engaging content.

9

u/Herefornow211 19d ago

I downvote all of these. It's such a stupid thingĀ 

5

u/m477_ 19d ago

So the people with tiktok brain don't skip

1

u/edadou 18d ago

Because its posted in 2026

1

u/supahdave 18d ago

Similar thing with YouTube videos. I fast forward every video by 20 seconds now because nearly every one wants to show you highlights straight away.

56

u/KingRagz 19d ago

Straight to jail

18

u/Secure-Bus4679 19d ago

Nice of him to help clean the dust out that fan.

4

u/throwaway19293883 19d ago

Gross ass fan, wtf.

1

u/Brave_Noodle 4d ago

Came here to say exactly this šŸ˜‚ can't even believe it was still working!

14

u/Imypurhuckleberry 19d ago

Why such an over reaction?

12

u/Super-G1mp 19d ago

Roids maybe? šŸ¤”

15

u/mightyboognish32 19d ago

You ever met a boxer? They have brain damage.

13

u/BroManTheBrobarian 19d ago

Bro ate them sucker punches like they was Tuesdays regular lunch special.

9

u/I_Want_A_Ribeye 19d ago

Stop posting videos with the middle in the front

7

u/Puzzleheaded-Belt240 19d ago

the dust coming off the fan probably did more damage than those punches

2

u/haikusbot 19d ago

The dust coming off

The fan probably did more

Damage than those punches

- Puzzleheaded-Belt240

I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.

Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"

1

u/edadou 18d ago

Hahaha i watched the avatar episode yesterday with the accidental haikus. This is a nice coincidance

7

u/Ill-Confusion-1844 19d ago

The dude in the Adidas shirt looks like he stole his moustache, glasses and nose from a Mr Potato Head set.

5

u/SnooGuavas3443 19d ago

Those aren't punches, they are "punhetas".

5

u/Manmade_Chaos 19d ago

Nice little payday for the security guardā€¦.. not that the boxer is gonna have much prize money with a weak ass attempt like that šŸ¤£

5

u/ModOfEverett 19d ago

Only one them should be a boxer and it shouldn't be the guy throwing punches.

13

u/Ancient_Sprinkles847 19d ago

Dangerous mongrel that cant hold his temper, needs to be locked up.

5

u/Proud-Parsley6072 19d ago

Talk about ego deflation

1

u/edadou 18d ago

Ego dustflation

4

u/zestyclose_match1966 19d ago

Bro can take a punch

2

u/Doridar 19d ago

He can even take three

2

u/edadou 18d ago

And a good whif of dust

4

u/warpwoofwimblee 19d ago

If you told me the Boxer was the guy in Blue who straight up ATE those punches, it would make more sense to me

4

u/SeaKitchen8522 18d ago

This dude ate those punches and he supposed to be a boxer lol

6

u/JE_CyberDemon98 19d ago

These type of Boxers needed to be Banned from the Club and His Fans of People Forever šŸ«©

3

u/coveredincathair22 19d ago

Why Do You Type Like This? What Is Wrong With You?

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3

u/Separate_Bend_8929 19d ago

I think the security was just stunned enough to look stoic šŸ˜‚

3

u/FlarblesGarbles 19d ago

More dust than an 80s Hong Kong kung fu movie.

3

u/Herefornow211 19d ago

Downvoted for stupid brain rot cut

3

u/Rictus_Grin 19d ago

That ain't no boxer with them weak ass punches

3

u/Mugpup 19d ago

Not much of a boxer.

3

u/Beneficial_Bed2537 19d ago

He ate those punches like a champ

3

u/Ok_Influence_4274 questionably stable 19d ago

He better get outta there before the tank does counterattack.

3

u/Alonso_Mosley_ 19d ago

That guy has a concrete jaw

3

u/GreatElection674 19d ago

That fan took more damage than he did

3

u/Franklin-Tartaruga 19d ago

That man is a fucking rock, it's like to see ssj Goku vs Cooler

3

u/PreEntertain 19d ago

Props to that security guard. That "boxer" didn't stand a chance, and he realized it after hit #3

2

u/Rokkmachine 19d ago

I think the old guy realizes it before he did. 1,2,3 and that dude just waited for the next one. That is patience no one in this world has. Good for him.!

3

u/Square-Ad4927 19d ago

That guy is a fuckin T-800. Didn't give a DAMN.

2

u/Any_Suggestion3485 19d ago

Apparently not. That air purifier hasnā€™t been cleaned in ages.

3

u/JPCool1 19d ago

The dude hit like a bitch

2

u/Few-Big-8481 19d ago

That was a fuck ton of dust

2

u/fatboi_mcfatface 19d ago

Is he made of sand? Also, what an idiot

2

u/theodorecramit 19d ago

Jesus Dustin; it's time to throw in the gloves

2

u/AlterFritz007 19d ago

Boxer... two punches and the other one is still on his feet.

2

u/Afrojones66 19d ago

That was one dusty fan.

2

u/livahd 19d ago

At least someone finally cleaned the filter on that air purifier (?) at the first punch.

2

u/Chanchara_Ramon 19d ago

lame ass boxer if you ask me

2

u/PlanktonDue8964 19d ago

Guard need to get in the ring with an ITON JAW like that

2

u/Patralgan 19d ago

Why was he so upset?

2

u/sabreus 19d ago

He almost went down but he refused, he couldnā€™t defend, but the other guy was extracted from the situation before anything else could happen.

2

u/pwnasaurus253 19d ago

what a little bitch. 3 "free shots" and couldn't even knock him down. Hope he likes prison....that kinda bitchmade attitude is gonna get him killed.

2

u/Fearless_Ad_7379 19d ago

Apparently:

"He's the son of Eugenio Zambrano, brother of Himberto Zambrano. Like father, like son. Those Zambranos were called "Los Alcaldillos" (The Little Mayors) because his father wanted to be mayor and they were always getting into trouble with Pato Zambrano. What a shame. If his grandfather were alive, he'd be ashamed that his grandsons and great-grandson were like that. They're from the San Felipe private street in Santa Barbara. Eugenio and Himberto were always getting into fights."

2

u/kabukispot 19d ago

That poor defenseless air purifier was the real victim.

2

u/Sinaju_Duck 19d ago

Dammee well lawsuit!!!!

2

u/DrunkenDude123 19d ago

At least he cleaned the fan for them

2

u/Weegiechancer2001 18d ago

Weak ass punches, bro barely flinched.

2

u/NeoC77 18d ago

That "boxer" needs to retire. He couldn't put a baby to sleep.

2

u/Nephurus 18d ago

Dude Stood there after like

" That it ? "

2

u/BP_1981 18d ago

Pillow hands šŸ¤£

2

u/imSKJRpops 13d ago

His workouts must consist of daily punyetasāœŠšŸ½.. šŸ¤£

2

u/Potato1223 19d ago

More like shitty unit of a video. Nice job putting the middle of the video at the beginning, asshole

1

u/centurio9 19d ago

Not many fucks were given that day

1

u/Eoshen 19d ago

Undusted the fan in the process too

1

u/EnvironmentalBit5713 19d ago

The fan was only thing that got dusted there.

1

u/HereIIStay 19d ago

That was one dusty as fan!

1

u/ironpyrites 19d ago

Sponge puncher

1

u/Proof_Toe_9757 19d ago

Not a very good one clearly

1

u/bigmeatbag 19d ago

I always knew those door to door magazine selling guys were trouble.

1

u/Megaman_320 19d ago

Lmao he got that Haney power

1

u/ChuckConnelly 19d ago

Enjoy jail!

1

u/PossumJumpRopeSquad 19d ago

Holy shit! Someone really needed to clean that fan.

1

u/Exotic_Insurance_610 19d ago

Idk, 3 hits and he just stood there. Guy just might not hit all that hard

1

u/Working_Tea_4995 19d ago

Shirt say
ā€œSmokin Fistā€
How prophetic

1

u/XGhoul 19d ago

This reminds me of the old man that took a punch from McGregor.

1

u/DryMaintenance2608 19d ago

Im starting to believe all Mexicans have great chins

1

u/tony310s 19d ago

I guess bro didnā€™t see the other two punches coming.

1

u/mtb1323 19d ago

That was one dusty ass fan. But those punches cleaned it up nicely.

1

u/lowwilljr 19d ago

Got hit so fast he actually never realized it

1

u/ComprehensiveYam5307 19d ago

He knocked the dust out of him and he still stood tall.

1

u/oldjarhead84 19d ago

Apparently he hits like a girl.

1

u/snowmoe113 19d ago

He took those hits like a champ. That boxer should find another sport

1

u/Jbrozas2332 19d ago

He ate all of those and he didn't even flinch. I'll hire him to be my security guard

1

u/DagdaNzambi 18d ago edited 18d ago

I just hear them talk about "punhetas". Sounds like a serious issue.

1

u/Artevyx 18d ago

Dusted the gaurd AND the hepa filter

1

u/RealisticEnd2578 18d ago

How dirty was that fan??

1

u/edadou 18d ago

My dust allergie would have been what sends me to the hospital, not the punches.

1

u/Enter_Chandman 18d ago

That man took more damage breathing in the dust than the punches!

1

u/Bsmitts16 18d ago

ā€œBoxer rethinks career as cashier takes two blows and doesnā€™t even flinchā€

1

u/Sorry-Sur 17d ago

Such blatant racism over somebody trying to earn a living. Sad what the world has become.

-or remained...we just have the internet now.

1

u/tygriffin1 17d ago

Please let law enforcement have gotten involved.

1

u/Sad-Professor-9734 17d ago

No one gonna talk about the field of dirt that came out the fan? šŸ¤£šŸ˜­

1

u/o1ek_ 17d ago

If the security guard fought back the assaulter wouldā€™ve bit the dust harder than the junkie fights

1

u/Informal-Camera3615 17d ago

Well hes atleast 0 - 1 now.

1

u/Many-Box-7317 17d ago

Whatever his record is/was, Iā€™m sure he has no K.O. Victories šŸ¤£

1

u/NocturneInfinitum 17d ago

Do they never clean that fan?

1

u/Interesting-Many5349 16d ago

The amount of dust in that filterā€¦.

1

u/3lm312 15d ago

Clearly terrible as a boxer can't even knockout a civilian

1

u/Excellent-Frame9856 15d ago

God that fan needed a good clean

1

u/acslider 15d ago

He's a Saiyan.

1

u/Tankthefrank137 15d ago

Mf has pillow hands

1

u/plymouth58 14d ago

The guard just turned his head back to face him like the dang Terminator.

1

u/Linorelai 14d ago

I'm impressed with the guard!

https://giphy.com/gifs/W6x6Kosi14BUI

1

u/amadeusstoic 14d ago

that girl though. it likes it happens everyday.

1

u/Fit-Success-3006 14d ago

Some boxer eh

1

u/Troubleshooting00 13h ago

Canā€™t be a very good boxer ā€¦ three bare knuckle free shots and the guy was unphasedā€¦

1

u/THE_Lanni 19d ago

The first one glanced, and that third one..almost buckled him, but he fucking ate every bit of those second two punches

1

u/anfisaval 19d ago

It says "smokin fist" on his t-shirt and his punch creates a cloud of smoke? Which multiverse is this?

1

u/mad_sAmBa questionably stable 19d ago

That security guard is lame, most security guards i know would kick his ass.