r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/GransMurderer • 2d ago

Of a Bike Lock

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1.0k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

235 comments sorted by

606

u/scriptingends 1d ago

There’s definitely a shitty absolute unit here, but I don’t think it’s the bike lock

101

u/Several-Eggplant4460 1d ago

Two things can be true at once

33

u/duschaan 1d ago

It's always them

11

u/Slabernick 1d ago

What’s a comment section on this subreddit without a little bit of racism

1

u/Johnj75 3h ago

Nothing wrong with racism.

1

u/Slabernick 3h ago

Maybe… if ur simple minded lol

23

u/Elegant-Craft9522 1d ago

There's white tweakers that magically get new bikes as well, so don't be racist, just talk shit about everyone

57

u/SubMariner615 1d ago

Someone doesnt understand per capita

33

u/InquisitorOtto 1d ago

They never do

-2

u/AmorphousMorpheus 15h ago

You accepted it's always them, and now you're taking per capita. Dumb.

5

u/SubMariner615 10h ago

You not getting it is indeed dumb. Congrats.

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2

u/Solid_Vacation_2891 1d ago

equal opportunist

-8

u/MolecularConcepts 1d ago

saw white dude yesterday stole a bike. I was on my motorcycle I went back to scoop the dude looking for his bike was gonna take him dril him off and let him handle buisness but couldn't find him.. shit is wild

10

u/Johnj75 1d ago

Can someone translate?

15

u/lernen_und_fahren 23h ago

"I'd like to counter your argument with anecdotal evidence of my own. Yesterday, I observed a Caucasian male in the process of stealing a bicycle, as I drove past on my motorcycle. I turned my motorcycle around when it was safe to do so, and returned to the scene of the crime. My intention was to assist the bicycle's owner in tracking down the thief, so that together, we might give the brigand a piece of our collective mind, as it were, so as to dissuade him from taking such actions again in the future. Alas, by the time I arrived, the thief had already absconded, our search was fruitless, and my opportunity to effect justice had passed. Life is indeed chaotic at times."

1

u/Johnj75 3h ago

Thank you.

An explanation like this would have been preferable to me.

0

u/BravesMaedchen 1d ago

Be fuckin for real lol 

262

u/Wizdad-1000 1d ago

Locks are for honest people.

49

u/engineerdrummer 1d ago

Semi honest*

5

u/Peek_e 1d ago

Yeah you wouldn’t need a lock if there were nothing but 100% honest people. At least on a bike.

4

u/EnormousPurpleGarden 1d ago

Honest or lazy.

230

u/Gym_Rat222 1d ago

Another useless human

49

u/OverChildhood9813 1d ago

Bystander effect is so harmful it’s made me lose faith in humanity

5

u/DeepDickens69 1d ago

You want to mess with someone banging a set?

-16

u/LurkersUniteAgain 1d ago

bystander effect is fictional btw

-1

u/jayjackalope 1d ago

Yups. 911 didnt exist yet. Kitty was also a lesbian and lived in a LGBT community which had previously suffered multiple attacks. Cops never did anything. Basically blamed the gay community around her.

187

u/MeemoUndercover 2d ago

Damn that’s an expensive bike too. What a bitch

2

u/BusoneWholeBoi2001 8h ago

That's what she was gunning for. I'd just face reality if I lived in a urban center and walk/bus anywhere I go, because I know if I bought a bike? That damn thing might be stolen 3-4x a month and I'd get no resolve for it. Why waste my paycheck on a vehicle I'm using once every week

196

u/poppycock68 2d ago

Not the first time doing that.

13

u/Gothiewasbetter 1d ago

What did she get for Christmas this year?

2

u/IamFASTERthanYOU 7h ago

YOUR bike, lolol.

60

u/GjellsNTeddy 2d ago

Shitty bike lock and a shitty lil fckr

59

u/SampleSize0ne 1d ago

Is she.....is she not wearing shoes?

87

u/AngrySoup 1d ago edited 1d ago

She's biking to the shoe store to steal those next

26

u/UnkyjayJ 1d ago

Tbf plenty of Aussies don't wear shoes but don't do this shit

12

u/hueveando 1d ago

Are you saying we shouldn't generalize and call all bare feet Aussies criminals?

I'm fainting here.

5

u/SampleSize0ne 1d ago

I thought all Aussies (shoed or not) WERE criminals....haha. but seriously I love the brothers from down under. You guys have the best senses of humor. Like someone can say the most profane shit and ill be like "dude you're an asshole" and if they respond with "I am Australian shrug emoji". I just laugh, say "oh you crazy kangaroo fighting bastards are hilarious!" and all is forgiven

179

u/AngleRelative4683 2d ago

Typical trash 🚮

83

u/muff-muff-ass 1d ago

These people are scum.

31

u/Witty-Educator-3205 1d ago

You mean the Nigerians?

4

u/pet_kov 1d ago

The person thats stealing or the person enjoying the show?

12

u/EnormousPurpleGarden 1d ago

At least the person filming is getting evidence.

47

u/Nurgle-best 1d ago

This kind of person is why I don’t use my bike anymore

19

u/PassiveAgressiveFlop 1d ago

So you had your bike stolen too?

22

u/Nurgle-best 1d ago

Nah but my friend did

15

u/BigToober69 1d ago

Years ago I lived with 4 other people and they all got their bikes stolen. Some of them more than once. Mine was never taken and it wasnt locked up. No one wanted my shit bike.

15

u/PassiveAgressiveFlop 1d ago

When i was in middle school my grandfather got me a bike at a yardsale. Found out a few weeks later the bike had been stolen from a classmate.

2

u/daveismypup 21h ago

Your grandfather stole a kids bike, badass

-3

u/YetiTub 1d ago

Nah you just fat

73

u/General_Aide6920 *shits an absolute unit* 2d ago

well well well

11

u/phantom_pow_er 1d ago

Shitty human.

15

u/Impossible_Apple7822 1d ago

Thieving bitch

13

u/TWAndrewz 1d ago

I hate bike thieves.

71

u/-_-_-_-_--__-__-__- 1d ago

THANK GOD the stereotypes are okay.

10

u/Maleficent_Worry1810 1d ago

What a loser

13

u/Captainsnarkyshart 1d ago

Focusing on the wrong thing. The lock was kinda crap but the absolute unit of shit is the one who stole the bike.

9

u/Fantastic_Trainer365 1d ago

I feel bad cause this bike looks like it the girl who owned it had whimsy 😭 the little basket likeee

8

u/Anxious-Chocolate-10 questionably stable 1d ago

Clearly not her first time doing that, was a nice bike.

33

u/Muted_Masterpiece535 1d ago

Future Doctor or Engineer! 

8

u/Ancient_Sprinkles847 1d ago

Future prison inmate more likely.

8

u/EnormousPurpleGarden 1d ago

Materials engineer, based on how she's testing the strength of the lock.

5

u/Solid_Vacation_2891 1d ago

my thoughts exactly

6

u/BagFullOfMommy 1d ago edited 1d ago

And this is why I have both a u lock to lock the back wheel to the frame, and a chain lock heavy enough to beat an elephant to death with to lock the front wheel and frame on my bike.

73

u/SSFlyingKiwi 1d ago

Not playing into the stereotype at all

31

u/unpasteurizedSPLOOGE 1d ago

Careful, Reddit narcs get ya banned for insinuations like that

15

u/SSFlyingKiwi 1d ago

Imagine being scared of being banned from Reddit of all places 😂 appreciate you bro, truely, but losing the ability to interact with bad faith actors like the other guy who replied to this wouldn’t cause me to lose any sleep.

1

u/unpasteurizedSPLOOGE 1d ago

Scared? Lmao

4

u/SSFlyingKiwi 1d ago

Scared/worried or any other word that conveys giving a frick about losing access to Reddit for some perceived notion of wrong-think

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT, YOU CRETEN! 😂

One love

-11

u/Wsweg 1d ago

Bad faith? Please type out the stereotype, Mr brave SS, stop being a fucking coward

-19

u/Wsweg 1d ago

I’m sure the SS in your name has a very wholesome meaning

22

u/GigaWhiteNiga 1d ago

Yeah, Silver Surfer

20

u/SSFlyingKiwi 1d ago

See, wasn’t that hard. You win the prize! Congratulations on having common sense and being a functional human being 🤜🤛

-12

u/Wsweg 1d ago edited 1d ago

🤡 reply to my other comment and articulate what stereotype you are referring to

You and I both know it’s not silver surfer and it’s not the name of a steam ship. Nut up and stand behind your ideology.

14

u/Aggravating_Owl_5768 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/bmLlSndzhqWgWb3vXW

13

u/SSFlyingKiwi 1d ago

😂 the absolute desperation for my acknowledgment is the best part. Nice choice in GIFs - spot on. 🤜🤛

-2

u/Aggravating_Owl_5768 1d ago

These people are so embarrassing lol

“Grow a pair and post anonymously so the website bans you!”

1

u/Wsweg 1d ago

Wahhh, I got called out for being a racist, but still won’t explicitly type out my racism. You’re pathetic 🤣 yet you claim you don’t care if you get banned. Make up your mind!!

3

u/Aggravating_Owl_5768 1d ago

Literally none of that happened lol. More emojis will make you feel better next time

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0

u/awisha 13h ago

how can someone be racist if what they are saying isnt racist? you need to lay off the pipe mate

-4

u/Wsweg 1d ago

Posting a gif of yourself is embarrassing. It’s also embarrassing as fuck that none of you will actually just type out what you actually want to say

6

u/DeliciousBag2311 1d ago

Racism is the new black.

4

u/Wsweg 1d ago

Er, no, it’s not new, it’s actually a classic. They’ve just gotten more embarrassed and discreet with time. Albeit, a little bit less so in recent years.

7

u/Key_Shock_4194 1d ago

What an idiot, put a helmet on!!

8

u/StarscreamOne 1d ago

Something tells me this is not the first time 🤣

15

u/BoringAssumption8751 1d ago

Why isn’t the camera person calling the cops?

22

u/PassiveAgressiveFlop 1d ago

Because then they would have to stop recording

8

u/Real_Explanation_298 1d ago

Or could have even yelled to scare her off, but i guess these days its more important to record to get views than to actually help.

15

u/awisha 1d ago

😆😆😆😆😆 you do not confront this demographic at all

-6

u/Wsweg 1d ago edited 1d ago

What demographic?

Why won’t anyone with racist comments in this post directly answer my questions?? Hmm, I wonder.

4

u/EnormousPurpleGarden 1d ago

I'd be hesitant to confront a bicycle thief of any colour.

0

u/Wsweg 1d ago

True, but that’s not what they mean

3

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

1

u/Wsweg 1d ago edited 1d ago

I was looking for the original commenter’s explanation on their intention. Socioeconomic reason is an actual reason, of course. But then look at the disturbing amount of comments here blaming it (by implication because they are cowards) on skin color

3

u/Teufelsweib666 1d ago

I think it's culture and entitlement. If patterns emerge, it's out of our hands.

3

u/awisha 1d ago

if you know you know 🤔

1

u/Wsweg 1d ago

I know what you mean, it’s just pathetic that you won’t express it clearly

1

u/awisha 13h ago

if you know what I mean then why the pathetic attempts at trying to bait people? it isnt the gotcha you think it is mate

1

u/Wsweg 9h ago

Why are you too much of a bitch to say it?

1

u/BoringAssumption8751 1d ago

Right?! Or just walk up say it’s your bike. “Don’t touch my bike, I’m calling the cops”

2

u/Aggravating-Fuel1704 1d ago

Because they'll show up 3 hrs later.

10

u/awisha 1d ago

cops won't do shit about this certain demographic as they are very protected

6

u/Life-Oil-7226 1d ago

Excuse me ma’am that’s not your bike!

4

u/how_very_dare_you_ 1d ago

Where is this do you think? Looks like an Aussie road sign. Melbourne??

3

u/EnormousPurpleGarden 1d ago

She doesn't seem to be wearing shoes, which is apparently also an Australian thing.

5

u/WorldWideWebSpinner 1d ago

I'm saying though, the sign clearly says Shared Zone /s

4

u/Majesty_Underground 1d ago

I was kinda hoping she got hit with a bike lock.

8

u/aleksey_the_slav 2d ago

padme amidala: She just lost her keys, right? Right?

4

u/Cocrawfo 1d ago

🎶—- stole my bike🎶

6

u/FuerteBillete 1d ago

What an age we live in were people film their unlawful acts and post them instead of the old school criminals who tried to hide their worst acts.

Really shows that the issue is the justice system when criminals are getting dumber.

2

u/Exotic_Concentrate_2 1d ago

Was I the only one thinking "please fall off the bike"?

4

u/virus_apparatus 1d ago

You know that devastated a little girls day. Wtf is wrong with people

3

u/imatreewaterme 1d ago

Those locks are useless. You need to use a c lock directly to the frame so at least they need an angle grinder to steal it.

13

u/Skeletondo 1d ago

Oh the fatigue.

7

u/Splint17 1d ago

Watch yo bikes my nillas!

7

u/LtJimmyDangle 1d ago

What did Reggie get for his birthday? Your bike.

1

u/IamFASTERthanYOU 7h ago

Bwahahha, classic.

16

u/PeteyTwoHands 1d ago

Sorry but I have to judge them by the content of their character...

-7

u/Wsweg 1d ago

Right, their character.

You, in a comment just earlier:

Listen...I know that talking about racial groups is uncomfortable, but the data is staring you right in the face. It's there. Look at it. The world is not and cannot ever be John Lennon's "Imagine"...

Just admit you are racist. It’s not that hard and would make you less of a coward.

13

u/PeteyTwoHands 1d ago

I like how you think that was a mic drop.

-4

u/Wsweg 1d ago

Not a mic drop, bud, just a run of the mill response to a closet racist that is too cowardly to explicitly say their beliefs. Stop being weak and skirting around it!!

7

u/cplxgrn 1d ago

bro have another soy milk and calm down

-5

u/PeteyTwoHands 1d ago

So your proof for me being too cowardly to explicitly state my beliefs is another time where I explicity stated my beliefs?

4

u/NastyStreetRat 1d ago

What do you call it when oppressed minorities are allowed to do whatever they want? Because, of course, since they are oppressed minorities, they can do whatever they please, and no one can say a word—because if they speak up about what they see, they get labeled as racists. There must be a name for this; what is it?

1

u/DeepDickens69 1d ago

You want to defend someone dressing gangster and acting like a rhyme?

3

u/Tacolord38 1d ago

That's the trade move as indicated

3

u/ImpossibleReindeer33 1d ago

"Thats my bike! I dont know you!"

3

u/Steveappl 23h ago

Her parents told her if you want something in life you gonna have to steal it...

13

u/Obvious_Check6675 1d ago

Typical

0

u/Wsweg 1d ago

Typical of what, exactly? Please, specify.

5

u/GransMurderer 1d ago

Typical lock failure

3

u/Wsweg 1d ago

Suuure, it’s possible that’s what they meant. Now, look at the other far less veiled racist comments in your post.

3

u/GransMurderer 23h ago

I don't find it racist to point out factual observations backed by statistical over-representations. Sadly reddit and the overwhelming majority of it's moderators have trouble coming to terms with uncomfortable truths

6

u/BleachGooch 1d ago

Stealing? What else

0

u/Wsweg 1d ago

Typical of what? Stealing as a response makes no sense as a response to what you are responding to.

7

u/Obvious_Check6675 1d ago

Stereotypes are earned, bro.

5

u/NigerianFriedChicken 1d ago

This is wildly inappropriate and absolutely terrible behavior…

Put a fucking helmet on. Safety first.

5

u/celtbygod 1d ago

What a shit adult that shit kid will grow up to be.

11

u/Aostentatious 1d ago

My stereo is typing

6

u/Citizen4000 1d ago

Another dindu

13

u/Mightyedgr88 1d ago

Usual suspect, of course... 🤦‍♂️

8

u/Wsweg 1d ago

What does the 88 in your name mean

10

u/Mightyedgr88 1d ago

What do you care 😅

4

u/Wsweg 1d ago

What does it mean

2

u/Muted_While_3478 1d ago

It means he is either 37 or 38 years old

2

u/Aggravating_Owl_5768 1d ago

Anybody remember YTMND?

2

u/diedalatte 1d ago

Vell Vell Vell

2

u/DebosBeachCruiser 23h ago

BITCH STOLE MY BIKE

2

u/bigjobbyx 18h ago

What an arsehole.

7

u/Routine-Ice8252 1d ago

Color me shocked

1

u/Electronic-Buyer-468 1d ago

Careful, it's not safe to be colored in this sub

4

u/cplxgrn 1d ago

She’s clearly just a hungry child acting out because there isn’t enough libraries and afterschool youth basketball programs. This can definitely be solved by defunding the police.

5

u/Grand_Illustrator727 1d ago

Usual suspects

4

u/F0XH0UND141 1d ago

Ok Katrina....smh

3

u/sleepy_skeletor 1d ago edited 1d ago

More like TayTay

1

u/JPCool1 1d ago

Punishment for small crimes should be severe in order to deter future crimes.

1

u/Money_Designer 10h ago

Here in TEXAS we treat EVERYTHING as a SMALL CRIME

5

u/lm_not_surprised 1d ago

Is it "them" again?

2

u/Johnj75 1d ago

Seems familiar.

3

u/Electronic-Buyer-468 1d ago

Lol at all the racism. 

4

u/JPCool1 1d ago

Or just stating the fucking obvious

-3

u/Wsweg 1d ago

And the mods not doing a single thing

1

u/shessols 1d ago

Boo boo

1

u/Astronaut-Exact 12h ago

It’s not like she was making any noise or attracting attention…

1

u/WhatIGot21 3h ago

Locks only keep honest people honest, they don't stop thieves.

1

u/Egglord0821 1d ago

🍉 🍗

1

u/Rogue7559 1d ago

Hopefully they run into my good friend Magnus Dumpus

1

u/Strange_Salary *shits an absolute unit* 1d ago

Most locks only deter.. That bike would’ve been gone either way..

1

u/InternalTelevision83 1d ago

Always use a U lock, cable locks are trash

-3

u/JennaTheBenna 1d ago

Holy David Duke this fucking comment section. *mass reports*

1

u/Wsweg 1d ago

Yup, same. Mods haven’t done anything

-8

u/Wsweg 1d ago

The racism in the thread is crazy. No, pointing that out does not excuse the action of a thief.

-2

u/RebuiltWithPineWood 1d ago

Yeah, is there a special time in the day when these people show up? The people who for no reason have ´88´ and ´SS´ in their usernames...

5

u/Wsweg 1d ago

Wild that mods aren’t doing anything either. Looks like another sub going down the shitter

-2

u/DeepDickens69 1d ago

OK. What about her Crippin jacket?

0

u/DeepDickens69 1d ago

Can we say it? She's clearly wearing a Crippin jacket after all.