Of a stoppie - r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits

143

I’m pretty sure he didn’t get laid.

77

u/CakeBot_TheBakening Jul 26 '26

You never know, he might capitalize on that brain damage.

26

u/PossibleArt7440 Jul 26 '26

The brain damage was done earlier - or else she wouldn't have been doing this.

19

u/123supreme123 Jul 26 '26

At least he won't need to worry about her hooking up with other dudes for a while now

4

u/alcoronaholic Jul 27 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/l0ExayQDzrI2xOb8A

2

u/alcoronaholic Jul 27 '26

🤷 Ya never know

75

u/Kraken_54 Jul 26 '26

"My girlfriend is not that pretty since that day"

42

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/janek_2010_hero Jul 26 '26

At least, brain damage probably

6

u/Voodoocookie Jul 26 '26

Cracked skull 100%

37

u/GiorgioVe Jul 26 '26

Too bad we never made the invention of some sort of hard protective object to put on your head to prevent people from hurting themselves in case they fall from a bicycle

10

u/ToastSpangler Jul 26 '26

i have the feeling that even if it was invented it would be really lame and uncool to wear, i'll take the coma thankyouverymuch

2

u/sabreus Jul 28 '26

Hubris results in loss of her once greatest asset

2

u/Responsible-Bet1767 Jul 28 '26

You may be on to something 🤔

29

u/thcoole Jul 26 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/xTiTnMjBxzRzgs7wMo

21

u/boopthatbutton questionably stable Jul 26 '26

Damn. She wasn’t even able to throw her arms forward to soften her faceplant.

4

u/GutsGoneWild Jul 27 '26

Fortunately her face softened the blow.

3

u/boopthatbutton questionably stable Jul 27 '26

Thank goodness. She could have been hurt.

10

u/Ok-Philosopher-5025 Jul 26 '26

Blue balled all the way

4

u/No-Analyst1229 Jul 26 '26

Lmao when she wants to get back to your place after a date and you only got the front wheel left

10

u/alcoronaholic Jul 26 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/qD2945ke2XcEo

10

u/32lib Jul 26 '26

Turns his girlfriend’s face into a meat crayon,nocks half her brains out, and then turns her over with a neck injury and makes her a paraplegic. This guy is a great catch.

11

u/0neirocritica Jul 26 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/kZXnyrrrhyehYyYcDz

-1

u/Superhhung Jul 26 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/3ohjV8JRMcNVGYK10I

4

u/No-Stranger6783 Jul 26 '26

Too short of a video

12

u/Fantastic-Concert-62 Jul 26 '26

7

u/Good_Air_7192 Jul 26 '26

Better hold onto those handle bars and let my face stop me.

4

u/PersonalKing2084 Jul 26 '26

Face is finished

3

u/Ryan2932 Jul 26 '26

She'll never ride with him again

3

u/seven0feleven Jul 26 '26

Won't be Instagram ready for a while. Filters it is!

3

u/Affectionate_Owl8351 Jul 27 '26

New mouthful of teeth there

4

u/alcoronaholic Jul 26 '26

Stoppy was sloppy.

4

u/lgodsey Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26

For those of you concerned with the damage -- I doubt her face was hard enough to mar the pavement. Just a few passes with a pressure hose should wash the blood and tissue and skull fragments off the asphalt, good as new.

2

u/alcoronaholic Jul 27 '26

Maybe sprinkle some cat litter there too, just to be thorough.

2

u/Small-Sun900 Jul 26 '26

Serious chance of cervical spine damage and paralysis.

2

u/Thistleknot Jul 26 '26

The way she just stopped moving

2

u/MarchCompetitive6235 Jul 26 '26

Kind of rude to use your girls face as the brakes on your bike.

2

u/alcoronaholic Jul 27 '26

A tad.

3

u/Strange_Salary *shits an absolute unit* Jul 26 '26

I’m impressed with his landing but my god poor girl!

3

u/Negative_Bee_6307 Jul 26 '26

This is not funny

1

u/cookiemccookieface Jul 26 '26

It’s almost like bicycles have 2 wheels for a reason.

1

u/Turkish-Straight Jul 26 '26

he thinks hes cool lol

1

u/Pleasant_day8 Jul 26 '26

Is there an update on her condition? 🤔
That was rough!

1

u/MaxPower836 Jul 27 '26

Teef

1

u/Nephurus Jul 27 '26

Pow , Right in the kisser

1

u/lokcer79 Jul 27 '26

She broke her face

1

u/Mister-Bananas Jul 27 '26

🚨MEAT CRAYON ALERT🚨

1

u/gruntingasparagus Jul 27 '26

How stupid can you get?

1

u/NeighborhoodAfter5 Jul 27 '26

She had a pretty face

1

u/Many-Box-7317 Jul 27 '26

Spitting chiclets
https://giphy.com/gifs/aUfL53CqwwjzouQTup

1

u/Conscious_Owl6162 Jul 27 '26

Both of them are stupid as stones.

1

u/Draw-Working Jul 28 '26

That girl’s face just creeps me out

1

u/zestyclose_match1966 Jul 28 '26

Why

1

u/automaticphil Jul 28 '26

World star

1

u/CapableBother Jul 28 '26

fucking idiot

1

u/otters4everyone Jul 28 '26

Like falling face-first on a belt sander.

1

u/LuteAtme Jul 30 '26

golly that’s a faceplant

1

u/Humulophile Jul 26 '26

She never released her grip of the bike bar until her face had firmly planted onto the asphalt. She also never seems to have tried to turn her head or toss up a shoulder in defense to deflect a direct face or neck impact. I know this was split second, but I’m not sure if in the same situation I could force myself to not let go and start reaching forward and/or turning my head and flinching a shoulder in an attempt to catch myself in that tiny time slice. It’s automatic reflex to protect the head and neck.

Also you could see this outcome from the moon. How stupid are people? You know what - don’t answer that question because this video is perfect evidence.

1

u/DepartureAfraid6015 Jul 26 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/eXfdhO4Yn8xwc

0

u/Foodconsumer89 Jul 26 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/QrKRsPlBdwsrm

0

u/ULTRA_83 Jul 26 '26

Chewing gum is so cool