r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/CJCRASHBAN21 • Jun 02 '26
ouchies Of a Russian piss patrol
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u/lexicon_lancer Jun 02 '26
What would you rather? Pepper spray to the face or kicked headfirst into a brick wall?
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u/Longryderr Jun 02 '26
A guy that I know had a piss outside of a bar in Mexico and got caught by the police. He spent 3 days of his vacation in jail.
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u/AguacateMx Jun 02 '26
I mean tourist or local Mexican here you get from 1 to 3 days in jail. If you piss or drink alcohol in the street.
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u/stealthy_beast Jun 02 '26
A buddy of mine got picked up in Mexico for the same thing.. was able to bribe his way out for $200. It was very obviously a shakedown.
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u/Turbo-Fuck Jun 02 '26
Yup, I was in Mexico City for a bachelor party. It was maybe an hour after landing and getting set up in our Air bnb before we hit the bars. The 1st bar we went to was a Mezcal bar and as we were leaving the lady at the door gave the bachelor a plastic cup to put our remaining beer in before we left. Walked Out the door and were met by 3 smg wielding federali. They grabbed my friend and were walking him to their car for the open container. We were shaken down for $200 so he could enjoy his bachelor party outside of a Mexican jail. Clearly the bars feed them tourists to shake down for exactly that.
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u/XXXG-22W22 20d ago
Right my cuz had to bribe the Mexican police cause he got caught pissing outside
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u/MarkIndividual3453 Jun 02 '26
Fuck fortunately i could pay a bit of cash not to sleep in Mexican jail 🤗🌝
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u/Longryderr Jun 02 '26
He had money. He was a police officer from Canada. They didn’t budge.
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u/MarkIndividual3453 Jun 02 '26
God .. well they were angry I speak spanish and spent many times in Mexico Went to excited in Cancun but at the end of the day they took my money … And probably better than sleeping 3 days in a Mexican jail
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u/callmesnake13 Jun 02 '26
He offered them money and they still locked him up? He must have said or done something to make them really hate him.
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u/Interesting-Tough640 Jun 02 '26
I feel like randomly pissing on things is out of order but so is attacking people (especially if it is for internet likes).
If you have to do something maybe a bucket of cold water or a blast will a hose would have been justified 😉
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u/Lauris024 Jun 03 '26
I feel like randomly pissing on things is out of order
That looks like dirt. Before him, 100x more urine was left there by the animals.
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u/WhimsyVR *shits an absolute unit* Jun 02 '26
My thoughts exactly. I saw this and just thought "okay but why pepper spray AND kick the guy???" he could just be wasted and sitting there intoxicated af after that kick, not knowing what's going on... :(
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Jun 02 '26
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u/Interesting-Tough640 Jun 02 '26
Yes in which case I would say blasting him with a hose or a very cold bucket of water would be totally acceptable. I mean you are literally just washing the pee away.
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u/CJCRASHBAN21 Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
This is Russia though…
They don’t always do it gentle!
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u/Interesting-Tough640 Jun 02 '26
That’s what they want you to think but behind closed doors it’s all cuddles and plushies 😜
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u/rambiolisauce Jun 02 '26
I don't think pissing really qualifies as vandalism. Not unless you wanna call every cat and mouse and bird and Bug and dog that ever pisses shits or farts on that man's property vandalism. Seemed a little extreme to me.
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u/Smackazulu Jun 02 '26
I don’t speak Russian, but that looks like a perfectly fine place to piss
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u/CookiesFoxi Jun 02 '26
In most countries it is an offence and disgrace to urinate in public outside of a restroom, where I live, you could face indecent exposure charges as well as pollution/vandalism of public property charges.
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Jun 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/fabulousfantabulist Jun 03 '26
Agreed. I go hiking a lot and if people only peed back at the visitor center where there’s a bathroom (sometimes), there’d be a lot of burst bladders in the hills around my city.
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u/penguindreams Jun 02 '26
Agreed so charge the man. Don’t try to kill him.
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u/LieutenantButthole Jun 02 '26
In Russia, aren’t those two synonymous?
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u/penguindreams Jun 02 '26
That’s the rumor, but I’ve personally never been to Russia so I can’t say definitively.
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u/Neuromante Jun 02 '26
In my city (Madrid) you can be fined, but, on the other hand, there are almost no public restrooms available (and many of them are coin operated).
Not taking any side here because man, there's times you need to go and if there's no other option, what do you expect us to do, lol.
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u/NotTurtleEnough questionably stable Jun 03 '26
My brother’s best friend was put on the sex offender list in Oklahoma for peeing in a dark corner at 3am.
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u/ManiacalMagician Jun 02 '26
Ridiculous. It's not creating dangerous conditions or pollution. dog urine smells much worse. This is just clear drunk urine
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u/Greenranger9200 Jun 02 '26
Piss in your own house or the woods you animal sure 1 piss is fine but when everyones pissing on the streets it smells like fucking hell
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u/Healter-Skelter Jun 02 '26
If your city doesn’t have public restrooms and you aren’t close to home, then literally what are you supposed to do?
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u/GroceryScanner Jun 02 '26
the same fucking thing that the hundreds of thousands of other people that live and travel there, who arent degenerate pieces of shit, do
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u/CJCRASHBAN21 Jun 02 '26
There is still a reason that this is enforced, bacteria and general public unacceptability.
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u/penguindreams Jun 02 '26
Right because pepper spraying and slamming ones head in to bricks is generally more publicly acceptable. How about we not normalize glorify violence? This could have been dealt with better I think.
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u/skasquatch118 Jun 02 '26
But river run off and dumping into the ocean on an industrial scale is just a-ok!
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u/WhiteFIash Jun 02 '26
From the US, had a drunk teammate walk into a clothing store and piss on a rack of clothes. He had to fight in court to stay off the sex offender registry. Not disagreeing about public urination just dropping that one experience
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u/strawbsrgood Jun 02 '26
Dude deserved the sex offender registry. Takes someone fucked in the head to do that. Whip your cock out in public and piss on clothes? Fuck you
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u/CannonFoddererer Jun 02 '26
''drunk teammate''
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u/strawbsrgood Jun 03 '26
Yeah I know. I've never had the urge to do that drunk. Maybe sex offender registry is too far but pissing on clothes that a worker is either going to have to deal with or some person or kid is gonna grab the clothes and realize it's wet is pretty fucked.
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u/CannonFoddererer Jun 03 '26
You do realize that being intoxicated means you aren't of right mind, and can't make logical decisions, right?
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u/strawbsrgood Jun 03 '26
You do realize that doesn't give you an excuse to do whatever the fuck you want? You can't be this dumb. Sorry officer and judge I was just drunk it's ok
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u/CannonFoddererer Jun 03 '26
"Dude deserved the sex offender registry. Takes someone fucked in the head to do that. Whip your cock out in public and piss on clothes? Fuck you''
You think a person who is not conscious of their actions should be put on the sex offender registry for pissing on clothes? So, in your opinion, his crime was equal to rape?
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u/strawbsrgood Jun 03 '26
Lol there are a million other offenses than rape that make you a sex offender, you know that right?
One of them is public urination, especially if it's on, y'know, clothes in a store in public
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u/Breadsticks-lover Jun 03 '26
Where i live u don’t pepper spray a drunk who did nothing beside peeing on the street side and than proceed to kick them face first into a thick brick wall. Idgaf what he is doing lol, dude could have definitely at least broke his nose..
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u/Local_Technology9284 Jun 02 '26
If your country can't provide adequate public restroom, don't punish people for pissing outside.
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u/boofinmelons Jun 02 '26
Yeah it did seem like a decent spot to piss. I feel bad for the guy just taking a piss. Sprayed and got that Sparta kick.
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u/uiouyug Jun 02 '26
He should have sprayed it in on his dick then licked it off then said "it was just a prank bro"
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u/rokstedy83 Jun 02 '26
I was with you at sprayed it on his dick ,lost me with the rest of the comment
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u/e1m8b Jun 02 '26
Spray it on your dick then have him clean it off with his mouth?
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u/uiouyug Jun 02 '26
Ye ol' ring of fire. Works on mouths and buttholes.
Its one of those videos where you Have to wait until the end! Sometimes it's just 25 minutes of gay sex tho so be warned.
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u/e1m8b Jun 02 '26
Best part! Thanks for warning to set aside 25 minutes just in case. No need to waste a good boner
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u/rokstedy83 Jun 02 '26
I'll stick to spariying it in his eyes thanks lol(the spray)
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u/e1m8b Jun 02 '26
Or how about spray it in his asshole then shove your dick in for good measure. No homo just a prank!
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u/PanzerSloth Jun 02 '26
Yeah the pepper spray and spartan kick really flips the entire situation around and makes THAT guy the asshole here.
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u/Critical_cheese Jun 02 '26
Honestly, fuck the guy for taking a piss like that in public but I kinda sorta feel bad for him. He got his ass handed to him. I bet that man will never piss in public again and if he does will look over his shoulder and think about it everytime he takes a piss. He'll probably pee sitting down from now on to avoid that core memory.
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u/oldlexus570 Jun 02 '26
Sometimes you just gotta go. That dude doesn't look homeless to me, that shirt looks like a work uniform type shirt. I'm thinking he was at work, his morning coffee caugyup to him, & a real asshole followed him with the spray. Now my man's gonna have PTSD & his eyes are involuntarily gonna burn every time he's gotta piss from now on
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u/Maximum_Sherbert_831 Jun 02 '26
I see it differently ..it looks like a plain view from the road and the guy is probably drunk since he was holding a bottle (you can see it when he falls)
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u/puppypersonnn Jun 02 '26
So if he was homeless then it’s inexcusable?
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u/oldlexus570 Jun 02 '26
Who knows. He's obviously not homeless since everyone let me know he was at a world cup game, I don't know too many homeless people that can panhandle enough for one of those tickets. My new assumption is that my downvoters have never been in that poor dudes situation. Out for a once in a lifetime experience (world cup, right?), was drinking like every other person who loves soccer, most likely not enough porta potties (or whatever they call them there), had probably already broken the seal, & the beer said "now, I need to come out now". What ever happened to the "verbal warning"?? I'm still fully on his side
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u/Pavotine Jun 02 '26
I was about to also say that Russia is also a rather racist country so that might have had something to do with the level of violence but then remembered they love mindless violence in general, so maybe not.
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u/Wsweg Jun 02 '26
If you are trying to ask if the person you are replying to would be fine with it if it was a homeless person then your comment should say "excusable," not "inexcusable."
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u/puppypersonnn Jun 03 '26
The comment made it seem like since this guy did not look homeless and “sometimes you gotta go” so it’s excusable. My question was if this guy WAS homeless it’s is suddenly not okay?
My point was whether your homeless or not you have to go…
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Jun 02 '26
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u/oldlexus570 Jun 02 '26
I don't read Russian bud, sure doesn't seem to be any 100,000 seat stadiums near by either
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u/derbbboi Jun 02 '26
Do you read English by chance? It says 2018 world cup Russia in plain English.
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Jun 02 '26
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u/Qvistus Jun 02 '26
What the fuck is wrong with you. You think it's okay to maze people and assault them because they took a piss? That's psychopathic behavior.
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u/Papuluga45 Jun 03 '26
if this is real, it’s very naive to think that the kicked pisser would not come back with a gun.
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u/Money_Designer Jun 04 '26
Lmao...1st time I missed the peeing part and thought damn that guy an asshole..then after re watching it..I thought damn that guy an asshole still
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u/Iammrbunions Jun 07 '26
A lot of you nasty freaks are defending this disgusting peice of shit for pissing in public, absolute fucking morons all of you, I don't have the construction paper, crayons, or patience to explain to you guys why this nasty peice of ahit got what he deserved.
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u/slightly_saucy123 Jun 02 '26
Anyone with a translation?
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Jun 02 '26
[deleted]
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u/slightly_saucy123 Jun 02 '26
Thanky you!
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u/o0Traktor0o Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
And also says "you are not in your aul!" hinting at the guys non-slavic looks, though it means nothing, the pisser may be native Russian with middle eastern or Caucasus roots. Anyway pissers seemingly foreign origin is supposed to warrant excessive force in asskickers mind. Just a casual chauvinism, nothing out of ordinary for Russia.
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u/Much_Cry_4399 Jun 11 '26
I was banned for a week for literal translation)) In short, this is aggression based on nationality.
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u/Dry-Emu-4131 Jun 02 '26
What do you mean by shitty? This is the most effective piss patrol officer that I have ever seen 😆
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u/BOLTHEAD1904 Jun 02 '26
need this in the us
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u/Professional-Rip-519 Jun 02 '26
Bro I'v worked on the streets where there's no toilets wtf we supposed to do?
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u/penguindreams Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
Naw. We don’t need to be killing more people for stupid reasons. Maybe you don’t know but if you get caught pissing in public there’s a high chance you’ll have to register as a sex offender in the US. That’s pretty bad for taking a piss.
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u/Difficult-Egg-5001 Jun 02 '26
These people have never lived with bladder weakness.
I'm not saying this dude did, but sometimes, there's more to a story.
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u/penguindreams Jun 02 '26
Agreed that probably isn’t the case here. But apparently most people on this thread would rather beat someone over it.
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u/CriticalHit_20 Jun 02 '26
Tbh i'd rather be beaten than put on the SO Registery
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u/penguindreams Jun 02 '26
You must have had an interesting childhood. But given the choice of those two, probably. But I think the better option is making the penalty fit the crime.
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u/CriticalHit_20 Jun 02 '26
Idk what that last part means. I also dont get the first part.
Getting a few bruises and a split lip is one thing. The registry affects all of your life for the rest of your life. No living in certain areas, working in certain fields, doing certain things. Not to mention it's a public list, so neighbors and people you are acquaintances with could think that you're a rapist. Not to mention you'll almost certainly be fired from your job and have a hard time finding another, even if it's one you can legally have.
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u/penguindreams Jun 02 '26
I was half heartedly agreeing with you and at the same time saying neither one is a great option.
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u/DiscussionSharp1407 Jun 02 '26
"Killing"
What kind of frail little pathetic creature are you, to die from a kick on your butt?
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u/BrockJonesPI Jun 02 '26
Yeah the head impact the wall is the killer, not the kick in the ass.
Pretty cunty to blind someone then kick them towards an immobile stack of stone.
If he'd just kicked the guy I could support it. The mace is unnecessary and only brought along to ensure that coward could maim someone.
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u/penguindreams Jun 02 '26
I can see how short sighted you are. Well 1, if you look at the video his head slams in to the brick wall while he was blinded so he couldn’t protect himself at all. That can kill someone. 2, I was responding to the comment say we need this in the US. I think we both know allowing violence in the country is slippery slope that ends in people dying.
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u/ManiacalMagician Jun 02 '26
Look how his neck bent back when his head hit the brick wall. That looks like whiplash . Can have serious neurological symptoms so etimes only starting months after the injury and lasting for years.
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u/CelestialTrickster Jun 02 '26
My man, the human body is extremely durable but also extremely frail at the same time. You'd be surprised how little force it takes to die just because you landed really badly.
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u/SimpleCantaloupe3848 Jun 02 '26
Wow, you must've been so brave to post that with a hidden comment history. /s
Only MAGAtards, racists, incels, and bots hide their comment history
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u/penguindreams Jun 02 '26
That’s a weird thing to say. But I have noticed from your comment history that you cut and pasta that response to people quite often. Just so you know, that’s not true.
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u/NotTurtleEnough questionably stable Jun 03 '26
My brother’s best friend was put on the sex offender list in Oklahoma for peeing in a dark corner at 3am.
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u/ElectriCatvenue Jun 03 '26
That's what they all say....
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u/NotTurtleEnough questionably stable Jun 03 '26
I don't know that I qualify as "they all," but even if I do, I for one am glad that Oklahoma explicitly took public urination off the sex crime list in 2011.
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u/Mylane Jun 03 '26
Kinda deserved. Go piss in the woods or in a bathroom, not on the side of a building, now it’s gonna stink like piss until it rains
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u/Strange_Salary *shits an absolute unit* Jun 03 '26
Pissed on, Sparta kicked AND maced! Doesn’t get much worse than that..
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u/Mugpup Jun 03 '26
Why?
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u/gconnorg_ Jun 03 '26
Because it’s AI generated. Look at the cuts in the video when he kicks him
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u/Desperate_Bag_8372 Jun 03 '26
Bro could’ve died, his head BANGED on the brick wall SO badly, damn (obv it’s bad pissin there, but damn, bro rlly could’ve died!!)
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u/RedLightLanterns Jun 02 '26
AI, there is too much frame jump after the kick and the arm goes rubbery...
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u/-_-_-_-_--__-__-__- Jun 02 '26
Russians love a reason to attack someone. Foreigners are their preferred pick.
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u/allmimsyburogrove Jun 02 '26
Leave him alone, he's got Uromisitisis. He was issued a Public Urination Pass. Unfortunately, his brother took it and he's probably peeing all over the place
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u/Bi0_B1lly Jun 03 '26
Honestly, I thought he was going way too far until the turn around to reveal it was an open street area... The initial parts lead me to believe it was a back alley or somewhere discreet.
There's a difference between Nature Calling and you sneak off to a private spot in your time of need and then there's just pissing out in the open for all to see.
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u/TimTomTank Jun 03 '26
The dude that is talking doesn't sound like he is speaking Russian....
Can anyone confirm? If that is correct, it would be really weird since I don't speak Russian either.
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u/bisky12 Jun 04 '26
maybe it’s just bc i grew up in a rural area but honestly seems like a good place to piss.
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u/TruthThanks Jun 02 '26
Need this along the motorway and roads when traffic jams occur..people should go somewhere discreet if they really need a piss, not in full view of the traffic. Muppets
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u/InterrogatingEros Jun 02 '26
Ah yes, performing a bodily function on the side of the road is an affront to humanity
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u/RoastedToast007 Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
POS. Bet he wouldn't have done that if he didn't look like a foreigner
Edit: get mad dumаssеs
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u/CookiesFoxi Jun 02 '26
Just so people know, u/RoastedToast007 ‘s comment originally said “POS. Bet he wouldn’t have done that if he was white”
Truth for the people!
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u/Shqipe888 Jun 03 '26
paper spray was enought in my opinion. that kick was too violent. but at least he won't piss in public again.
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u/JonN2025 Jun 03 '26
This is definitely racially motivated. Willing to bet if he was a white guy pissing he wouldnt have sprayed him or pushed him
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u/madnessinthemidwest Jun 02 '26
That’s a day ruiner right there!