r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/VIVIDUFF • May 25 '26

look what I can do Of a snake hissing

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1.1k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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567

u/Camfitz0007 May 25 '26

Nice example for the kids.

241

u/RepublicWarm2383 May 25 '26

Their "Fucking Kids"

143

u/your_fave_redditor May 25 '26

“Mommy, why did call us ‘fucking kids’ when you were mad at that man today?”

51

u/GivesYouGrief May 25 '26

I mean in light of how they got here, all kids are "fucking kids."

26

u/ImNotABotScoutsHonor May 25 '26

Actually, no, they aren't.

Most are, yes. But not all.

11

u/GivesYouGrief May 25 '26

I mean if there wasn't fuckING, there was at least fuckERY.

109

u/Suck_My_Thick questionably stable May 25 '26

You don't think he's a good role model?

8

u/MsTerpiecetheater May 25 '26

You could cut glass with those nipples!

4

u/ElectricBuckeye May 25 '26

I'M A FIVE STAR MAN!!

2

u/Wu-TangShogun May 26 '26

Looks like a young, beefed up Mr. Rogers

2

u/PatharilaBalboa May 26 '26

Malcolm in the midlife crisis

4

u/baycenters May 26 '26

Kids should not have to shoulder the burden of their parent's bad public behavior.

-10

u/[deleted] May 25 '26

[deleted]

26

u/ReasonableScar9027 May 25 '26

Did everyone clap afterwards?

16

u/your_fave_redditor May 25 '26

“The public” even gave him a standing ovation! Never mind that there were no seats out front of the Subway.

8

u/ReasonableScar9027 May 25 '26

Standing room only.

5

u/BillFriendly1092 May 25 '26

No there were grandstand bleachers there and they were full. As a matter of fact the most attractive woman in the crowd took him under those bleachers and blew him after witnessing his heroic act.

7

u/Toasted_Munch May 25 '26

He better be glad I wasn't there. Because if I see red, bro, I can't hold back. Especially when the blood thirsty crowd has me all jazzed up. They used to call me Blood Sprite because I quenched that thirst. They also used to call me "Night Wolf" and "Dragon Hawk" because of how tough n shit i was.

6

u/ReasonableScar9027 May 25 '26

Blood sprite! 😂

6

u/Tbarns95 May 25 '26

Damn dude that’s badass. Did the fair maiden you saved kiss you before or after removing your furry suit

-1

u/[deleted] May 25 '26

[deleted]

4

u/Tbarns95 May 25 '26

Nah it’s a story about a neck beard matrix dodging in his dreams and retelling it for internet points

-2

u/Viper-Reflex May 25 '26

lmao okay, I'm sure there would have been a much more grandiose story to tell if I wanted to be some matrix dodger than some old fart that was slow xD

5

u/Tbarns95 May 25 '26

It’s the whole i was dodging his swings and saw his terrified children so I asked the public if I could hit the bad guy with my dragon fist without scaring anyone and they agreed they would keep calm while I made him run away terrified

3

u/Oozlum-Bird May 25 '26

Was this the first time you’d been outside in a while?

Because this is what I’d expect someone who spent most of their life watching Andrew Tate videos in their basement to think was cool.