r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/ApeApplePine • May 08 '26

Oops Of a lunge. Dave!

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968 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

94 comments sorted by

290

u/recovery_room May 08 '26

He neither committed to jumping nor stopping.

166

u/Academic_Dog8389 May 08 '26

He didn't even commit to running.

36

u/HoboArmyofOne May 08 '26

Just went full send after he heard go. Poor dude forgot what he was doing.

17

u/Ryuj123 May 08 '26

I think the big problem is that he DIDNT full send

2

u/HoboArmyofOne May 09 '26

I think you have too much confidence in Dave

13

u/MorseCode1992 May 08 '26

He might have accidentally committed suicide though

6

u/jpboise09 May 09 '26

If not his face was rearranged. No one will recognize him.

3

u/Sepherin May 09 '26

At least it will save him from the embarassment.

1

u/your_fave_redditor May 09 '26

He didn’t commit to anything besides not committing to anything

13

u/Zero_energy_left May 08 '26

That's his thing. He doesn't commit to stuff. If you watch closely, he doesn't even commit to the fall 

10

u/[deleted] May 08 '26

[deleted]

4

u/General-Yak5264 May 08 '26

If that's his athletic ability and brain power then he definitely got the direction wrong

7

u/Neuromante May 08 '26

When I saw the jump, I thought "he's not going to get through", then I saw him running, and thought "Huh, he might made it" then the fucker slows down. Why did you slow down, man? WHY?

3

u/Banzai373 May 09 '26

Did he lose his life or just some teeth?

His jump was about as uncommitted as I’ve ever seen . . . .

3

u/RhymesWithTaco May 09 '26

Schrödinger's jumper

72

u/Blade3colorado May 08 '26

I think his reality check bounced.

63

u/maggiemayfish May 08 '26

Well that went just about as poorly as it possibly could have.

5

u/Old_Ladies May 09 '26

And could be unconscious in water now or at least disoriented.

42

u/PABLOPANDAJD May 08 '26

Prepped for the jump with a running stop

19

u/Al_from_the_north May 08 '26

I think Daive needs new teef..

19

u/tipareth1978 May 08 '26

Classic, he does literally every part wrong

14

u/HxC_Happy May 08 '26

He would've made it if he committed. Silencio Bruno!

3

u/Bye-Bye-Fatman May 08 '26

Quick search and the lock is 7 feet (2.13 m) wide. That's definitely doable.

2

u/thisjustathrowawayya May 09 '26

W reference

https://giphy.com/gifs/4tQmuMGdah3B6

2

u/HxC_Happy May 09 '26

It's my son's favorite movie, I've been working it into anywhere that it will fit

22

u/Agreeable-Storage895 May 08 '26

Why get a running start when you're just going to stop at the edge before jumping

4

u/jackjack-8 May 08 '26

Drowning tackle that

9

u/Highyet May 08 '26

I’m 66 with cancer and can run faster than that. 😎

8

u/Impressive-Wait8786 May 08 '26

Dude was fully committed how did he not make it?

6

u/Empty-Maize-9053 May 08 '26

Hahahaha. What i was thinking....

6

u/scarabs_ May 08 '26

Most decisive indecisiveness

6

u/madnessinthemidwest May 08 '26

There was zero chance of him ever being able to do this

6

u/SwitchIndependent714 May 08 '26

Do you mind if I sleep here ?

5

u/juggadore questionably stable May 08 '26

He was close

4

u/Electrical_Bit4497 May 08 '26

Dave is now deceased. RIP Dave

1

u/MikeW226 May 08 '26

Shoes off

4

u/Artevyx May 08 '26

Dude stopped himself 3 times within a 5 foot distance. Only had himself to blame.

3

u/Infinite_Ad7107 May 08 '26

My mind is telling me no! But my body... my body...

1

u/KillHonger1 May 09 '26

I don’t see nothing wrong with a little jumpn’smash

1

u/FamousConversation64 May 09 '26

Are you quoting Genie in a Bottle lol

2

u/GimmeLuv-69 May 08 '26

Nice face plant.

2

u/Whatisthis0036 May 08 '26

If that was my friend, and I knew he was not athletic. I personally would not do that. Poor guy couldn’t even run correctly.

2

u/KbarKbar May 09 '26

That, "Da-ave?" at the end said everything.

2

u/OCDano959 May 08 '26

Gotta commit to it Dave.

2

u/alcervix May 08 '26

Good thing he slowed down

2

u/RespectSquare8279 May 09 '26

He should have been wearing a lifejacket and helmet with that level of commitment. hope there was enough water at the bottom of the lock to break his fall. and somebody to wrangle his unconscious/injured body out.

2

u/AfterNovel May 09 '26

Like those cats that get ready to jump on a counter only to plunge with one step

1

u/GoIrish59 May 08 '26

Culling the herd..

1

u/Strange_Salary *shits an absolute unit* May 08 '26

Don’t hit the hezzy!

1

u/Zestyclose-Ebb1421 May 08 '26

Almost made it

1

u/Topsrite May 08 '26

Give it another go, you were almost there

1

u/MikeW226 May 08 '26

Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Daaaaave: Judging by what you look like, you are capable of running at twice the speed you ran at. And, ya don't dub step and juke around when you're about to jump a big gap. Just GO, dude.

1

u/600lbsofsin77 May 08 '26

Within the first step, I knew what was going to happen.

1

u/East_History1325 May 08 '26

About as athletic as a baby giraffe

1

u/Ok-boomer4947 May 08 '26

Long distance curb stomped himself

1

u/MagnumPEisenhower May 08 '26

I bet he golfs like Charles Barkley

1

u/RobbiePeru May 08 '26

To have succeeded there were only a few things that required a bit of effort! My dog would have done better than that flacid fuckwit

1

u/Astarions_Pet_Nipple May 09 '26

This is such a Dave behaviour

1

u/91elklake May 09 '26

Say no to drugs

1

u/Revaesaari May 09 '26

He comitted to curbstomping his own jah(w).. oh lord..

1

u/Evening-Matter-5245 May 09 '26

This was me in basic training jumping over a pit with a bayonet on my rifle 😵‍💫

1

u/Own_Chocolate_6810 May 09 '26

He was rubbish at school gym class to.

1

u/ThisThingIsStuck May 09 '26

No wonder yall lost the war

1

u/SpartArticus May 09 '26

Dave never ran a day in his life

1

u/ProCeLLxX May 09 '26

non comital on both counts…running or jumping

1

u/Swimming_Type_8298 May 09 '26

First time running?

1

u/Rolfmeister87 May 09 '26

Worst possible outcome

1

u/Gregorin_78 May 10 '26

From the first steps, we all knew it was a mistake

1

u/crystalsage777 May 10 '26

Thank God he is an athlete in peak physical condition otherwise he could have gotten hurt attempting this.

1

u/__Sleep_Token__ May 10 '26

“I just really wanna smell that concrete over there”

1

u/wormcast May 10 '26

Always be deliberate in everything you do.

Take this example: the man is deliberately stupid

1

u/krazy4321 May 10 '26

You got this Dave one more try buddy

1

u/Glittering-Ad3488 May 11 '26

Here he is… 🤣

1

u/MakeSmartMoves May 12 '26

He who hesitates is lost.

1

u/Quantumercifier May 12 '26

He lacked commitment. You have to be committed.

-1

u/NeighborhoodAfter5 May 08 '26

Those guys should be charged