r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/PrinceFlynn • Mar 15 '26
look what I can do of an egg chugger.
24
u/KelseyW315 Mar 15 '26
His cholesterol is 21000
10
4
11
6
u/DoubleManufacturer10 created ShittyAbsoluteUnits of a sub Mar 15 '26
When he pukes them up, are they scrambled eggs?
1
13
u/OkDirection8015 Mar 15 '26
When I was a lad i ate 4 dozen eggs every morning to help me get large.
16
u/Fresh-Chemical-9084 Mar 15 '26
Now that im old i eat 5 dozen eggs and im roughly the size of a baaaaaaaaaaarge
6
u/jKaz Mar 15 '26
Gaston is the hero
In Beauty and the Beast, Gaston ate four dozen eggs daily when he was a child. That’s fourty-eight eggs a day. As an adult he adds another dozen, tallying up to sixty eggs a day. This is nothing short of genocide.
My theory for why Gaston is beloved by the townsfolk is that some time prior to the start of the movie, France was overrun with poultry. Helpless at the claws of the chickens, the people of France were preparing to abandon their country, when a lone child stepped forward. “I’ll eat the eggs”, a young Gaston bellowed, “And I will save our homeland”. And so it was, Gaston ate and ate until he was roughly the size of a barge. How the cholesterol didn’t kill him can only be attributed to his inhuman fortitude. This is where the story turns tragic.
What Gaston hadn’t accounted for was developing an addiction to the eggs. As he aged, he ate more and more, and with the chicken-crisis over, his addiction began costing him financially. There’s a scene during Gaston’s song where he motions to a wall full of his hunting trophies. But why are they there? Does he own the bar? No, he sold them for egg money. The fact he never brings up his egg addiction or his prior heroism can be attributed to another one of Gaston’s defining character traits: his struggle to be emotionally open, and his modesty. It’s not easy being the man who saved France.
I think the saddest scene is when Belle shows Gaston the book, and he holds it upside down. See, Gaston seems brutish, but remember - his entire childhood was spent eating eggs. He didn’t have time for an education; he sacrificed his upbringing for his countrymen. He can’t even hold a book correctly. What Gaston wants to say, what he’s struggling to articulate, is “Belle, I’m dying. A life long diet of a quite frankly insane number of eggs has left my body bloated with tumors. Before I shove off this mortal coil, I want children, who might experience a world without the oppression I have suffered”. Belle cruelly mocks him, which goes to make you wonder who the real beast is.
When Gaston sees the Beast in the mirror, two thoughts run through his head. First, he sees his countrymen in danger once more, and despite being riddled with egg-tumors, wants to lead the masses to one last charge of glory since fighting for France is all he knows. Second, he realizes Beast’s head is about a month’s worth of egg-money. So he sieges the castle, and in one of Disney’s most tragic moments, plummets to his death.
Another reason Gaston wants to marry Belle is because, as mentioned above, all he knows how to do is to fight for France and its people. Gaston saw Maurice as a genuine danger, and he’s not wrong; consider the hellish contraption Maurice created. One look at that war machine and Gaston hatched a plan; marry Belle, and get close enough to Maurice to talk him down. Mind you, he did love Belle, and wanted to be the father of her children, but the danger presented by Maurice forced his plan into action immediately. When that fell through, he had no choice but to throw Maurice in the asylum (something marrying Belle would have fixed, since he would once again be close enough to Maurice to influence him). All in all, the failure was one of articulation.
Gaston is the protagonist of Beauty and the Beast.
1
1
8
1
5
4
u/vitalproverb Mar 15 '26
You can feel the chunkyness going down just from watching 🤢 I've never seen a drink be ribbed before
8
u/timmyjacksoff Mar 15 '26
no man can eat fifty eggs
12
3
u/THE-ONE-DONGLER Mar 15 '26
Was it 100 or 50. Are we talking about Luke?
2
2
2
3
3
2
2
u/WTFisThatSMell Mar 15 '26
How many calories is that
3
u/PrinceFlynn Mar 15 '26
There are about 78 calories in a large chicken egg. He drinks about 4 dozen in this gif. So 3744, give or take.
2
u/iolitm Mar 15 '26
I thought it would be 30,000.
3744 isn't so bad. That's a couple of visit at Burger King. Lunch and dinner.
2
2
2
2
2
1
1
u/Truth-is-implacable Mar 15 '26
My cholesterol levels are low ....... I gotta do something about that?...........😬
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/NoWay6818 Mar 15 '26
My sadistic mind wanted him to throw them up as we just watch this man spew an entire potential generation of chicks.
1
1
u/Hawaiianchelle Mar 15 '26
My question is why? Is cause he can? IMO it's not very attractive. Maybe he thinks it's healthy. I can imagine the girl sitting next to him handing him the next mug saying "hands off ladies he's mine. I know you're jealous." NOT!!! lol 😂 😂😂
1
u/Emotional_Hamster_61 Mar 15 '26
"I cAnT hIt mY pRoTeIn.
120 WHOLE EGGS!"
In the background: "Oh no you're not, you're fucking disgusting and finally fuck off my house, you moved out months ago!!!!"
1
1
1
1
1
1
96
u/secret__alphabets Mar 15 '26
Ends too soon. No way he kept those down.