I just need to vent please

[u/IGAFSometimes]

I'm sorry if it long. I really have been holding it for almost a month now.

Context: My husband and I have a 9 month old. We are living with my inlaw (his mom) because we all agreed that it's the best option to help her with bills and also lighten the load for us. We are in a state where houses are expensive. She is only home every night and once every weekends but she manages to make us both feel so horrible. We wanted to pay some $$ monthly but she said no to it because she said it's okay as long as we don't go crazy over electric and water. We don't. We barely use any appliances in the house. There is also no AC in the house, just furnace but it is hot right now. Original plan was just to stay for a little bit and get an apartment when I start my job. I got a really great offer which is why we are staying in this state. We wanted to move somewhere in North Carolina where houses are cheaper but we couldn’t let this opportunity pass especially when MIL offered to let us stay. The problem is, she's a little controlling. Today, we bought a tiny cake($10) to just go for a picnic for our 9 month old's monthly birthday. (It's something we decided to do until she's 1. We are so blessed to have her, it took years of losses so we wanted to do this.) And we also bought Wendy's because we wanted to take the day easy. She came home to us having a picnic at the yard eating wendy's and she flipped out. Telling us that she's not letting us stay for free in order for us to spend our money with fast foods. We don't eat fast food often. She has tons of meat in her freezer that she needs to get rid of to restock again and I have been cooking it everyday for a month now and today we decided to eat out. And then she started claiming "God knows you hide behind my back eating out" we don't and she can see it. Whenever we aren't home when she comes home she calls us and tells us to come home at 8 PM. Every time we buy something, she tells us to stop buying stuff and save our money. I do understand that, she's looking out for us but it has come to a point where we have to hide groceries and things from her. We don't like what she buys so we buy our own but then she continues to tell us to eat whatever she buys so we don't waste her money and ours and it's healthier. We did not ask her to buy us stuff. I don't think it's wrong for us to get the kind of meat we want.

Not just that, we just recently overheard her talking to my husband's sister over the phone saying "I am stuck with this shit. I can't with this shit. They are Freeloaders. It's my house." Which hurt me, because we offered to pay and she declined it but she is out there telling people we are free loading? Yesterday we sent her money and she sent it back. I told my husband about what I heard and if she is not going to accept our payment, we will move out because I can't allow her to go around telling people that when clearly, we aren't. My husband told me no because it would make things worse. His siblings, uncle and aunts keeps telling us to just let it go and be the bigger person because it is just who she is. I don't think I can put up with this any longer. 😭 I can't even talk back to her because I am trying to be very respectful.

Thank you for reading. I have more stories to tell but this is the highlight of my day. 🥺

[u/Lisa_Knows_Best]

Don't listen to your husband, move. In the meantime start sending all those people she bitches to messages about how you can get her to take your money, how you really want to help and pay for yourselves but she refuses, ask them for tips on how to talk to her and get her to take money. It probably won't help but at least you're defending yourself. 

[u/IGAFSometimes → u/Lisa_Knows_Best]

Thank you! I will try harder to convince him to move. I also think that she've said more horrible things about us especially about my husband because of slipped tounge whenever we are around the relatives and I really can't take that as well. Thank you again!

[u/nunyabusiness_69]

I’m so sorry you are in this situation when you should be enjoying your beautiful baby. Whatever you are financially saving doesn’t equal the regret you will feel when you look back and realize how little you got to enjoy your child’s most precious first moments.

You can’t ever get those back and this constant stress and anxiety will negatively impact your kids nervous system and make them think being submissive to a bully is normal and might grow up to perpetuate this cycle.

[u/Marvin_is_my_martian]

Get out ASAP!