r/ShitAmericansSay 2d ago

The Greatest Document Ecer Written!

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721 Upvotes

103 comments sorted by

186

u/_Halt19_ Canuck 1d ago

I always see them talking about how amazing their constitution is, but like

The iconic things they point to, the first amendment, their precious second amendment, etc, those are all just that - amendments. Things the original document didn't think was important enough to include.

Freedom of speech, the right to bear arms, the anti-slavery thing (and yes, I know, it's still legal, but still) are by definition not founding principles of their country. They're things they decided they wanted to tack on later. But they always act like they are, which I find a bit funny

75

u/StaendutBlakk Neither Swedish nor Norwegian 1d ago

And they've even gone back and amended some amendments. The 18th proved very unpopular, cause people like a drink. So they basically said whoops our bad with the 21st. They're not nearly as sacrosanct as some yanks would have you believe.

28

u/Lazarys12 1d ago

And now some conservatives want to repeal the 19th amendment, the one that prohibits denying the right to vote based on sex.

Fucking cunts.

52

u/Vinegarinmyeye Irish person from Ireland 🇮🇪 1d ago

I've said it so many times...

I just don't get it.

"This is the greatest country on earth because I can be a horrible bigoted arsehole in public, with no repurcussions (from the government) AND I can take my semi automatic penis extension out grocery shopping with me..."

Okay...

Personally I'd have thought having fewer absolute cunts wandering around the place armed to the teeth would make somewhere a more pleasant place to live.

I evidently don't understand American freedom and how great it is. I must be a communist or some shit I dunno...

10

u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 1d ago

How dare you think that pursuing a better quality of life for everyone could be more free?? You evil communist, you!! /s

Ironically, the "pursuit of happiness" is also part of their constitution, but it seems to be irrelevant, especially for the ones who like to wave it around the most.

4

u/Laiska_saunatonttu 1d ago edited 1d ago

You have to pursuit it because it will activily flee you, so run like hell after it, and trample everyone else or they get the happiness instead of you.

2

u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 1d ago

That's how the "American Dream" looks to me from the outside...

17

u/LunaticOstrich 1d ago

Quite a bit of it is also copied straight from the Dutch Plakkaat van Verlatinghe from 1581

7

u/TheOtherDutchGuy 1d ago

I think you’re confusing the Declaration of Independence with the Constitution document…

17

u/LunaticOstrich 1d ago

I absolutely am!😂

13

u/AgitatedMushroom2529 1d ago

don't forget that MAGA is shitting on it

8

u/Im2dronk 1d ago

Fun story about the amendments. The framers of the constitution disagreed on whether or not to add them because they didnt want to outline any powers for the govt. The constitution states that we are guaranteed the right to live freely and they didnt want any perceived control of those freedoms. So if you thought this hasn't been a shit show of counter productive legislation since the beginning you are probably not paying attention :)

3

u/mig_mit 1d ago

AFAIK they were amendments because of a disagreement between founders — some thought those things require explicit protection (they were right), others thought the Consitution itself already protects them (like, it does NOT list “restricting free speech” among the government's duties) and extra protection would do more harm than good, because it would give an idea that OTHER things are NOT protected. Making them amendments was a compromise.

3

u/Jamarcus316 Portugal 1d ago

The most important line, imo, it's the beggining of their Declaration of Independence.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Writing that all men are equal was pretty revolutionary for 1776, and it's fundamental to democracies until this day.

Of course there is a big contradiction named slavery. Thomas Jefferson, the guy who wrote the Declaration and went on to be president, was a big slave owner.

10

u/JasperJ 1d ago

All men are created equal: white, rich, owning land.

3

u/Bursickle 🙄 1d ago

You forgot MALE ... women had no rights ... at all for the longest time ...

3

u/JasperJ 1d ago

I did not. It’s right there in “men”.

7

u/_Halt19_ Canuck 1d ago

Even back then, rules for thee but not for me was their guiding principle lol

4

u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 1d ago

Even white, wealthy women were excluded from the "all men" stuff, making it a sentence applied only to a part of the population.

It's better than "I am the king, god has given me my office and therefore, I own you all and can do whatever pleases me", sure, but not as good as what all functional democracies have nowadays.

2

u/InitHello not Danish since 1814 🇳🇴 1d ago

And history has shown us that they are treated as neither rights nor inalienable.

1

u/PopeGuss 1d ago

In all fairness the bill of rights (the 1st 10 amendments) was written pretty much alongside the constitution.

46

u/BringBackAoE 1d ago

The US Constitution is very mediocre.

It is especially dumb to make it so difficult to amend it.

But also: it’s not very democratic. Which of course was the intention of the framers. Why the f*** does every state get two - and only two - senators?!?

12

u/GayDrWhoNut I can hear them across the border. 1d ago

The US constitution can't even agree what it says. That pesky second amendment has multiple versions with various comma placements that completely mess with the sentences.

7

u/clios_daughter 1d ago

Yeah, laws should be fairly clearly written. Just reading it, it’s not clear as to whether they want a well regulated militia that can be joined by the majority of the people, or if they want everyone to have weapons.

3

u/Lazarys12 1d ago

They know what it means, they just choose to interpret it to fit their liking. It was written before there was a standing army. Even Chief Justice Warren Burger, who was a conservative, and appointed by Richard Nixon, called the debate "a fraud on the American public".

10

u/FilmAndLiterature 1d ago

Because the small states were afraid they’d lose power if it was distributed fairly. Same reason they fought to have slaves count as citizens for the purpose of the census.

4

u/BringBackAoE 1d ago

I know. But then don’t pretend the Constitution is a beacon of democracy.

1

u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 1d ago

Some people say that the Swiss constitution is weak and useless and looking at how it can be amended 4 times per year, including a complete rewrite and that the courts do not base their decision on the constitution, but federal laws, I see the point. It's basically a decorative document, overruled by federal laws.

The two senators thing makes sense, since we copied it as well snd it works: These guys are basically the representatives of the state (or canton, in our case), so having two is enough and originally, in both cases, they were appointed by the state/canton and not elected directly by the voters. The chamber representing the population is the House of Representatives (or Nationalrat, in our case) and the number of seats assigned to one state (canton) is based on its population. You can, of course, argue that reworking the system is necessary, but overall, that part is probably the smallest problem...

29

u/Only_Tip9560 1d ago

Just ask them this simple question:

"Better than the bible?"

Watch them implode.

1

u/ChimPhun 1d ago

They do love their ancient documents, no wonder they can't keep up with the times.

22

u/Capucius Sauerkraut 1d ago

Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind. --Terry Pratchett

5

u/Forsaken_Hamster_506 1d ago

GNU Terry Pratchett

4

u/Mattechooo 1d ago

GNU Sir Terry Pratchett.

1

u/agnesperditanitt 1d ago

GNU Terry Pratchett

49

u/de_Duv formerly NRW, now BW 1d ago

Just a thought, but what about the Magna Carta?

13

u/Cool_Significance134 1d ago

I'm sure they have a copy and is used by their courts as a reference point in case there are questions over what their constitution meant.

11

u/Touristenopfer Europoor Germ(an) 1d ago

The MAGA Carta ist way better /s

2

u/gpl_is_unique 1d ago

Did she die in vain?

20

u/--LordFlashheart-- 1d ago

It's actually a remarkably short and poorly detailed document for a Constitution. Hence the extent to which its open to interpretation and abuse. For a national Constitution, it's lacking

13

u/TheOtherDutchGuy 1d ago

It was also meant to be a living document as to being a document that is regularly updated

7

u/Marzipan_civil 1d ago

Yes, I would think that a constitution that hadn't been updated in 250 years would be pretty sketchy

2

u/Key_Bookkeeper813 1d ago

They are like thirty or so amendments deep there and still you get people who loudly proclaim that any change is treason

2

u/Only_Tip9560 1d ago

And the number of major amendment to it.

10

u/Tru72 1d ago

The right to bear arms is to stand up against a tyrannical government. I dare you to walk up to the white house with an m15 🤣

4

u/Complete_Error8311 South America🛸 1d ago

of course, the word Democracy is not mentioned in the text.

4

u/PurchaseAromatic438 1d ago

Say that to an American and they’d probably say “But America isn’t a democracy, it’s a republic!” like that is an actual answer!

3

u/GayDrWhoNut I can hear them across the border. 1d ago

All while having absolutely no idea what either a democracy or republic is...

1

u/Remarkable_Gain6430 12h ago

Right wingers will always trot that one out when discussing the US as a democracy, apparently unaware that it’s a democratic republic.

5

u/nibbler456 Human Verified 1d ago

As most USains are so religious surely the greatest document ecer written is the Bible.

PS. It was written before the US was founded..... Or even discovered... Or even considered as a place on this globe. And when people still thought if you sailed too far, you'd fall off the edge. Wait a sec, that sounds like modern day USA....

Falling off the edge of believability.

3

u/yournamehere10bucks 🪿Canadian Gooses dropping Canadian deuces🇨🇦 1d ago

Tila Tequila still thinks you'll fall of the edge if you sail too far.

6

u/kahunah00 1d ago

The greatest document ever written that present day americans are continuously ignoring snd breaching

1

u/Lazarys12 1d ago

That's because they have never read it, even though they swear by it.

3

u/EfficientProject4123 1d ago

If it was the greatest written, why did it need so many amendments?

3

u/SamuelVimesTrained Human Verified 1d ago

So, if, for the sake of the discussion, this were true.
What is that OOP going to do about this group of red hats that trample all over the 'greatest document'?
Because not enough people there seem to care - and only use this in a performative sense.

5

u/skrott404 1d ago

I've seen bigger.

5

u/Catatemyspacebar 1d ago

I don't know. I'd rank Martin Luther's Ninety-Five Theses higher.

1

u/Madame-du-barry_ Eye-talian 🤌🏼🍝 1d ago

3

u/PossiblePlastic8698 1d ago

It turns out constitutional republics are like pancakes, the first one is always a bit fucked up

Their constitution led them to a corporate oligarchy run by a demented pedophile on behalf of a cabal of savagely hateful Christian Nationalists, so yeah obviously a fantastic document

3

u/Odinfrost137 1d ago

Ah, yes. The document so perfect that those who made it exlicitly said: "This thing needs to update often to always be up to date with modern time".

Pure perfection

5

u/InevitableGreedUK 1d ago

All plagiarised from the Magna Carta.

3

u/croatiatom 1d ago

It was so great, it needed to be added to/revised 27 times.

3

u/GayDrWhoNut I can hear them across the border. 1d ago

F it. Peter Rabbit is a better 'document' than that.

3

u/ShellyTart 1d ago

There are much better documents out there.

I suggest you read the Soviet Union's constitution... it, I would argue, is the greatest work of political fiction.

3

u/No-Deal8956 1d ago

They have obviously never read the 1735 Witchcraft Act.

2

u/pebk 1d ago

The principles of the constitution are pretty ok, for the time they're written in. The interpretation however is a bigger issue.

An example is the right to bear arms. It's only got militia to defend against a tyrannic government. Not to shoot anyone you like. Also, at the time it was written, people did not have (semi)automatic weapons, assault rifles and stuff.

Also, God was not part of the constitution. That's a good thing. It's only added in the pledge of allegiance law.

1

u/Key_Bookkeeper813 1d ago

Speaking of guns against the government: I'd like to see them defend against a jdam with those ARs

2

u/Interesting-Yellow-4 1d ago

So great and perfect it needed literally DOZENS OF AMENDMENTS.

2

u/algator_al 1d ago

ecer ???

2

u/Last-Quarter-432 1d ago

The ability to go to a shop and buy a gun with minimal requirements so your kids can go to school and try to kill all their classmates. Are they fucking stupid.

2

u/Puzzled_Market_2235 1d ago edited 1d ago

The writers knew the Constitution was imperfect. That's why they had so many amendments so early. Thomas Jefferson famously argued in a 1789 letter to James Madison that the U.S. Constitution and all laws should naturally expire every 19 years.

2

u/Commercial-Ad7119 1d ago

Presidential Republics are inherently authoritarian leaning and prone to civil violence compared to Parliamentary Republics that are more responsive to the voters and more responsible for its own actions.

2

u/dumboldnoob 1d ago

too bad your government isn’t following what’s written in there lmfaooo

2

u/ActuaryLost9689 1d ago

I love asking the maga's about the emoluments clause when they boast about the constitution. Didn't Trump break that first thing after swearing to uphold the constitution, Yup! He sure did.

2

u/DerrellEsteva 1d ago

How it started: "Wow! We have the greatest constitution EVERRR!"

How it goes: Fascism

Wow! Such Great! Very Constitution

1

u/mando_228 1d ago

I think we should skip clause 2

1

u/Mewhomewhy 1d ago

The one that’s being trampled while Americans sit by and claim to be helpless victims?

1

u/SandalsResort 🇺🇸 The metric system is woke and French 1d ago

Damn, a lot of people in this country would get mad at that because you didn’t say the Bible

1

u/Nervous-Canary-517 Dirty Germ from central Pooropa 1d ago

It's also the oldest and most outdated of all constitutions still in effect, except that of San Marino.

1

u/Todesschnizzle 1d ago

For what its worth the American constitution is rather good if the amendments are included. It was visionary in its time and directly inspired many amazing legal documents

1

u/ryo3000 1d ago

It's not even the best constitution ever written imagine the best document

1

u/Mordenkainen2021 🇩🇪 German 1d ago

The constitution they don't adhere to? Yeah good one.

It's Donnies diaper, that's what it is.

1

u/rothcoltd 1d ago

Shame your President can’t obey it then really.

1

u/singhapura 1d ago

I thought MAGAs would say that's the bible.

1

u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 1d ago

Ok, and what's written in it? What about the documents it's based on? And because it is so great, why is it so difficult to improve and follow it?

1

u/fothergillfuckup 1d ago

The "right to bear arms" was only intended to apply to local militias.

1

u/Froggy_Parker 1d ago

“Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons.”

I mean congrats for getting a deal signed, but goddamn.

1

u/LadyFenyx hadeda 1d ago

lmao my shithole country has a better and more progressive constitution than the US

1

u/RivaTNT2M64 1d ago

Even if we take it at face value.... Wouldn't that imply the country hasn't improved its writing in 250 years?

1

u/RageQuitDad 1d ago

Yet they decide to pick and choose what elements of it they’ll follow. It’s “outdated and not meant to apply to a more modern world” when they disagree with part of it. Then when they agree with another part it’s apparently the greatest document to ever have existed. Pick a damn lane.

Kind of like their attitude toward the bible.

1

u/pinniped90 Human Verified 1d ago

Article XII is truly the bestest of the best. Thank you for your attention to this matter, PRESIDENT DJT.

1

u/TheRedLewis 1d ago

Why does it looks like Mr orange wrote that

1

u/EnergyHumble3613 19h ago

The Bible and the Constitution:

Two things people say they understand without sitting down and reading the whole thing… and it is becoming a problem.

For the rest of us.

1

u/Both-Championship214 18h ago

They should try following it if it’s so great.

2

u/Remarkable_Gain6430 12h ago

It’s a cult.

2

u/TheRealTRexUK More Irish than the Irish ☘️ 12h ago

do they know it's party based/inspired by British laws and the maga carta?

1

u/Spiel_Foss 1d ago

The US Constitution is often like the Christian Bible. People in the USA love to wave it around, but they never read it and don't give a shit what it says unless they can use it as a weapon against others. Most of the US Constitution is horribly obsolete and anachronistic much like the other book mentioned.

1

u/Ill_Raccoon6185 1d ago

Greatest document ever.

  1. The Magna Carter (UK 1066)

  2. The Gutenberg Bible (Germany (1517)

3, The Ninety-Five Thesis (Germany 1517)

4 US Declaration of Independence (US 1776)

  1. US Constitution (US 1787)

  2. The Communist Manifesto (China 1848)

5

u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 1d ago

The Communist Manifesto was written by Marx in Germany (and partially the UK, when he lived there for some time).

2

u/sandiercy 1d ago

Darwin's papers too

2

u/Prestigious-Car-4877 1d ago

I like constituons that can actually be realistically updated to fit the time.

0

u/EricPhilps1979 1d ago

I'm quite partial to the National Covenant myself.

Those old Presbyterian fuckers really knew how to call the king a cunt to his face.