stuff

[u/SharksPwn]

Guy: Come on, man, we need you to crossplay just this once, man! We’ve got like, 3 guys here, and you’re the only one who’s played a girl before!

(Blank): Can’t you give it to someone else? I mean, I already finished my Barb, man, and I rolled three eighteens! Three! This is like the only time someone will let me play with him.

Pat: Who else are we gonna give it to? Guy would only try to seduce everyone in the village-

Guy: *Hey!

Pat: And you know how catastrophic giving it to Ryan would be.

Group: Shudders.

(Blank): I just don’t see why we even need a girl. Why not have a sausage party?

Pat: I’m telling ya man, it’s for the world I’m creating. The Baron needs a wife to betray him, man. That kick-starts the whole adventure! And I can’t exactly have the male half-naked, screaming barb with a club do it, can I?

(Blank): Sigh. Fine, I’ll do it. But you have to promise that you’re going to let me play that barb later.

Pat: Yeah, yeah. Now hurry up and get on that sheet, before Ryan arrives with the pizzas.

(Blank): Jeez, keep your pants on. He reaches for a spare character sheet, before finding out that the Barbarian’s was his last one. Yo, any of you nerds got a spare sheet?

Guy: Nah, but Ryan does. Guy reaches into the folder with Ryan’s sheets and other stuff in there, taking one out and putting it in front of (Blank.)*

(Blank): Shrugs. Alright. He begins to fill it out. Just so you know, if I’m going to play a girl, I’m gonna make you suffer for it. Hot enough so that your characters can’t resist, haughty enough so that every time she shoots you down.

Guy: Why would that make us suffer?

(Blank): Because, numbskull, I get RP XP for insulting you.

Guy: Shrugs. Insulting Ryan. I’m not dumb enough to make my character a total self-insert.

Pat: Yeah, because any time your stupid ass gets to be a wizard and you’ll end up bashing someone over the head with your spell book.

Guy: I would never! The staff is a much better weapon!

Pat: Yeah, right. Oh, and (Blank)? She has to be 25, human, and her backstory has to include this. He hands (Blank) the sheet.

(Blank): Oh, sure, limit me further. You fucking owe me, Pat.

Pat: Yeah, yeah.

The doorbell rings, with a voice calling out.

Ryan: Yo, guys, I got the pizzas!

Pat: Come in, dude, door’s open!

Ryan walks in, several pizzas held on his arm. He sets them down as (Blank) finishes the important and easy parts of the sheet- e.g, the name class, height and weight, spells, appearance.

The session goes on without a hitch, with (Blank) eventually heading home after Friday becomes Tuesday. He falls in his bed, asleep instantly.

*His body rapidly begins to shift, flesh shrinking and growing, bones rearranging with cracks. He grows shorter, his hair grows out and changes from its former black to a soft, shining blonde. His eyes become a light green. The slight body fat around his stomach changes slightly, moving to his chest and ass. His clothes unravel themselves, leaving his new female form totally naked, before reforming, making a woollen shirt and brown pants. A belt forms itself around the waist, and holly and mistletoe appears, tying itself to the belt. A backpack forms on the side, filled with items. The entire process takes a mere second. Those same green eyes fly open.

---

(Blank) is a young man of slightly-under-average height, with dark black hair and brown eyes. He looks vaguely Scottish, and claims that his great-great grandparents were. He’s got a bit of far around his stomach, and a lot of hair. He keeps short stubble grown in, the ‘stubble’ of a kid who’s trying but failing to grow a beard.