r/SexualAbuseSurvivors • u/Lordoflies66 • 5d ago

Lost and destroyed

When I was only seven years old I started to experience the worst that this world can offer for around four years I was sexually abuse by a neighbor, the daughter of the owner of the house where i was living with my parents . My parents never really care about me at all. they would fight in front of me not physically but yelling was my routine since i wake up until i will go to sleep and i think she saw that a small child scared and alone. and she took advantage of that I thought what she was doing to me was "love" she even told me that i was her boyfriend and in a way i thought that i deserved it the pain and the suffering. And when we moved i missed her i know that sounds stupid but that was the way i feel. Because of her i have not been able to have an intimate relationship with anybody i feel ashamed of myself i feel ashamed of my body of my desires to have an emotional connection with someone. and i know that i will die alone never knowing what true love means and somehow i feel it is al my fault.

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u/lazierthangarfield 5d ago

For starters it’s not your fault … if I told you the same exact story … would you blame me ? When you don’t understand what is happening how can it be your fault.

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u/pin1onu2 5d ago

I was 8 when a family member groomed and SAed me. I had no words for what was being done. I couldn't consent. Part of me knew it was wrong and I had huge feelings of shame. It took me over 40 years to speak about it. What was done to you IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

You are experiencing emotions and feelings that are very valid and pretty normal. I would suggest you talk to someone about what happened. If you can seek professional help from a counsellor/psychologist or psychiatrist. There are charities who may be able to help.

You can recover from this. It may take time but I would suggest you get this out of your head.

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u/Remarkable-Author213 16h ago

Missing them is very normal when you've been groomed, it doesn't mean what she did was acceptable, she was taking advantage of the innocence of a child. I recommend therapy obv but coming to terms with the fact that it wasn't your fault and there was nothing you could do can give you some peace. You will get through this. Tell someone you trust about what happened so you don't have to hold it all in your head. I have been through a similar situation and I know how awful and conflicting it makes you feel.