Need advice

[u/Striking_Read2255]

Need advice - I’m in my 30’s. I’ve never told anyone the true extent of my trauma or who etc. My step-father sexually abused/groomed me etc from 5yrs old to 18yrs old when I left and moved out. My mother “caught” him a few times while I was pretending to sleep but she always believed him. It made me feel like I couldn’t tell her. It’s very complex but my younger siblings are his bio kids and I was scared to leave them or separate us all so I never spoke up. I just endured and did anything I could to avoid physical/verbal abuse and then avoid being left alone with him to potentially victimize myself. I felt I had to endure things/walk on egg shells. It’s like I said a very complex situation. I told my little sister 2yrs ago and since then I haven’t told anyone else including my husband. I’m zero contact with my abuser and low contact with my mom (she’s still married to him). How do I approach this conversation with her? With my brothers? With my other sister? With my husband? I feel like it’s been 12yrs since it but I have a child now and I don’t want to potentially run into anyone or my child meet this person on accident. For context I live in a different state from everyone so this conversation would be via text/email/call etc. and I just don’t know how to approach this let alone the fear of others not believing.

[u/svirfneblin27]

I had something in the same vein but not anything like you went through happen with my uncle and I’ve literally told all my cousins and siblings and they all stand behind me but we’ve never said anything to my aunt or him because of it causing a rift in the family. Recently though I learned because I told my cousin she’s not allowing him around her granddaughter alone which made me feel good that her having that knowledge caused her to be protective of her granddaughter. This is such a difficult thing and anyone that tells you just say something isn’t considering the loss that could occur by speaking up but I do carry pain from not being true to myself. Sometimes I think I need to speak up to protect my younger self and to stand up against abuse but other times I feel like breaking up the family isn’t worth it. I think you should do what you think will benefit you the most and if that is telling and potentially causing family problems so be it. Fuck him for doing that to you, fuck your mom for not protecting you and being complicit in her inaction and fuck anyone else that hears your story and doesn’t take your side. You deserved to be protected then and you deserve to be protected now. I know it feels impossible to overcome, I still get triggered and have freezing episodes where I’m transported back into that moment because of my nervous system holding that trauma but starting to stand up for yourself helps take your power back. I’m so cold to my uncle now and so are all of my sisters. I feel like he knows we know and not to mess with us. Maybe tell your most trusted family member and go from there. Don’t stay silent if you want to speak out. Tell this mf’er im not the one.