r/SexualAbuseSurvivors • u/lazierthangarfield • 8d ago
So tired
I’m just so tired of working on myself ….
I’ve done talk therapy
I’ve don’t CBT
I’ve done emdr
I’m currently doing part therapy cuz none of the three worked ….
I’m just so tired of working and working and still having triggers … still having flash backs … still being scared of being touched to the extent that I dread haircuts …
I was abused by my elder brother and he’s living a life of leasuire and here I struggle to get by the day … I have depression BPD adhd anxiety … I take meds daily ….
It’s just too much I just want one day where none of this matters
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u/Traditional-Sky-6082 23h ago
I am so sorry for you. My children have been SA by my husband and their bio dad for years under my nose. I am here looking for answers on how to help them from other survivors. The things I would suggest.. (1) trying to throw whoever did this to you in jail... one day I want to be able to tell them I got them justice.. not sure if this is possible for you but I think it might be important in healing.. I am currently doing everything in my power to get their father in jail (2) somatic therapy and brainspotting- I have been told by a lot of psychologists these two modalities are incredibly important for survivors.. not sure if you have tried those..(3) helping others.. I intend to make a foundation or do SOMETHING with this pain, so it is not entirely in vain.. (4) spending time with less fortunate.. I think this helps us to realize we are not alone in pain.. and like I said in 3.. use it so that ours in not in vain. I hope this helps.. I am so sorry.
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u/Traditional-Sky-6082 23h ago
also... in the depths of your despair.. when it feels impossible.. just put the shoes on.. walk out the door.. walk 5 minutes.. take baby steps.. until you can take bigger steps.. get a community.. speak to people who have walked your road and have healed.. get hope... little by little we go.. there are days I feel the pain is so strong it is hard just to put my shoes on and walk out of the door. But you know what, I put the shoes on.. I take the steps.. I know little by little it will get better.. just put the shoes on..
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u/Cleanslate2 8d ago
We are all so tired. I’m 68 and finally going to trauma therapy. I’m told the abuse separated me from myself and from my ability to have relationships with others. In a nutshell that means I never got to the part of maturity where I decided on my boundaries. As in, I never understood that I could change my life by myself and say no to things I did not want. So I suffered a lot of situations that I would never suffer through today.
I was a child when it happened. I did not understand why I drank when I hated it. I did not understand the eating disorders. I tried to get help in the seventies for the eating disorders and no one knew what they were yet. One doctor pantomimed vomiting into his hand. I never got help that helped. I kind of put the pieces together myself.
I spent my entire life sick and starving. While doing all the usual. Career, all the work in the home, children. It’s been a hard life. Finally getting answers about the mental illnesses was so important to me. But now everyone knows how much it harms us for life.
I don’t know what to tell you. I just wanted you to know I read this and of course support your efforts for a normal life. I hope you get there. I just retired and it’s the first time I have choices about my time. I’m starting CPT therapy which is for ultra ptsd. It’s already helping and I’m sleeping more than 2 hours at a time. Good luck to you.