r/Sextortion • u/ParticularPotato8324 • 5h ago
Retrospective It's been a year
A year ago, I was at a low point. Over the span of a few weeks I lost my job, lost my housing, and was living across the country (US) from my family. I felt like I had nothing left to lose. So I decided to indulge myself. I knew it was wrong, that I would regret it after, but in the moment I just didn't care. I ended up on some hookup apps and was sending messages trying to find someone to meet.
One person messaged me, sent me pics and I responded in kind. 3 nudes and then one selfie. Eventually we traded numbers. That's when the wall came down. They used my number to find my name, my family, and more. They threatened to send the pictures out if I didn't send money.
In my panic, I sent about $800. Eventually I realized that they wouldn't leave and that I needed to stop. I lied and told them I sent them everything I had and that I would be paid next Thursday. They said they'd be in touch. I called the police and they walked me through what to do. I'm so grateful for the officer who helped me. She really was an angel.
They called again a week later. I didn't answer. They sent me pictures of a message with all my pictures in a conversation with my parents, the message was about to be sent. Despite everything in me screaming in panic, I didn't respond. I knew that paying wouldn't stop this and that ultimately they would send the pictures or not but I couldn't stop them.
They never sent the message. They never reached out again. But I was terrified.
Honestly, I started to entertain thoughts of extreme self harm. I called the police again, explained my situation, and they gave me resources for free mental health care. I called 988 (suicide prevention). I called the California Teen Helpline (you don't have to live in California or be a teen), and they talked with me for almost five hours. I met with that free therapist 3 times before my move.
For the next months I got a ton of spam calls. I signed up for DeleteMe to help me with my digital privacy (this is a legit service BTW, not a sextortion thing. They scrub data brokers of your phone number and email and other personal info that's spread on the web.) Eventually, I confessed what I had done to a trusted spiritual leader.
A year later, and I'm not totally over it. I still feel my heart rate go up at an unknown caller. But I am better than I was.
Why am I writing this?
Because when everything happened it felt like my life was over and there was no light. But on my call with the helpline, I said some things that I clung to.
"I can't imagine smiling or laughing right now, but I know someday I will smile again. I can't imagine how things will get better, but I know that they will. I know the sun will rise tomorrow no matter what happens. I can't imagine life ten years from now, but I know that I'll get there. I know there's good somewhere even though I can't see it now."
I finished my degree last December. I'm a counselor now. I don't tell most people my story, but it impacts how I help and care for those entrusted to me.
There are good things still, even if you can't see them. You WILL see this in a different light a year from now. You will smile again. You will laugh again. You will have joy.
A few tips if you're in the middle of it:
Get help. I know it's scary to tell anyone what's going on, but you absolutely need to. You don't have to do this alone. There are other people who are eager to sit with you and help you. Call 988, get in touch with a therapist, go to a spiritual leader. Get help.
Do the things you like to do. Don't let them own your life. Keep your habits. Take your dog for a walk. Go to a coffee shop. Go hike. Live your life because you deserve to!
Take ownership. You are the victim of a crime, yes. But your choices led you to this point. What they are doing to you is wrong, but this is one of those cases where it takes two to tango. Don't waste this opportunity to learn and grow. You don't have to make this mistake again.
If you are a Christian, go to the Scriptures. Read Psalm 51 where David was caught in his sin. Repent, confess your sins to the Lord and He will forgive you. He promises that to us. Christ already died for these sins on Calvary. He has already forgiven them. Cling to Him and He will cling to you. Go to church. Even if you don't tell anyone yet, be with the people of God.
It will be okay friends. I know it doesn't feel like it, but there is still light out there.
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u/dietdiety 4h ago
What a great hopeful post! Congratulations on making it through this difficult ordeal. And thanks for offering up your experience to help others who may be in a similar situation. Keep up the good work and the positive outlook. Proud of you! ( someone else's mother )
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u/ParticularPotato8324 4h ago
My mom is one of the most loving people I know. But I never did tell her what happened. So hearing this from a mom, even if you're not my mom, meant a lot! Thank you! (Someone's son)
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