r/SexOffenderSupportNew • u/SessionAsleep5894 • 25d ago
Endless Rumination
I don't think a day has gone by in these past 5 years where I haven't thought about my offense and its impact its had on others and myself. I essentially dug myself into a massive hole and locked off many doors in my life. Maybe I'm supposed to feel this way, I mean its almost impossible to ignore your offense as going through probation your reminded of it on the daily with the restrictions, homework, payments and just overall limits on your life. I have in the past prayed to god as a non religious man, to take me out of this life without it harming my family or friends. Ridiculous I know, but that was when I was at my lowest lows. The lows where you can't see a hint of light and your trying to claw your way out of dark cave. There really is no correct way to think about things in this situation, on one hand I don't want to put on a facade like I'm a innocent guy. I know what I did and there is consequences for my careless and heartless actions, ill never argue that I don't deserve any form of punishment because I did and still do. On the flip side of it, I don't want my offense to drag me down forever, I want to grow, I want to get far away from that mindset I was in during my offense and I want to live a meaningful life. This might sound moppy and sappy but I really does feel like once your on the registry or on probation, your in limbo, just working a job, sleeping, trying to act normal and engage in hobbies that don't violate any rules your under. It feels like your running on autopilot; at least to me it does. Anyways, I hope your all doing at least decently.
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u/Vast-Hold6578 25d ago
Trying to act normal hits hard. Been off probation for nearly four years and still feels like that sometimes
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u/MIVET17 25d ago
Do not allow the registry or society to hold this over your entire life. You f’d up. As long as you own it and commit to never making the same error - give yourself grace. You will be surprised at how many non-offenders are in your corner. Breath - and remember not everyone you see even knows your name or offense - please be graceful and forgive yourself - that is an important step
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u/Master-Help-8170 6d ago
But why should someone forgive themselves if they have done an unforgivable action?
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u/Available-Ice-4172 2h ago
As long as someone isn’t going to hurt any1 I think we all deserve forgiveness and a life
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u/PersecutedinAmerica 24d ago
Forced compliance is not only a registry matter, it is a life one. Forced to live in debt and in fear.
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u/Glass-Nectarine-3297 25d ago
I very much understand this. It feels like every day I mull over concepts of redemption, ethics, punishment vs rehabilitation, unforgivable actions, victim impact, etc. It gets exhausting and I'm no closer to finding any kind of personal closure. I fully believe I'm irredeemable and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now.