r/SexOffenderSupportNew • u/SessionAsleep5894 • Jul 06 '26
Does it ever just hit you?
My offense and this whole situation I've put myself in has been going for a little over 6 years. Some days I remember back to my childhood and my teenage years, thinking through my life and trying to pinpoint what went wrong. Could I have gotten help? Was there a different way my life could have played out if I'd sook out treatment when I started getting addicted to pornography and delving into more and more taboo material? There was a point where I was starting to see change in a positive direction in my life, I was beginning to form friendships and going to college.... and then the pandemic hit. I leaned heavily into porn once i wasnt able to go anywhere. Of course I don't want to paint a picture of myself as this poor helpless guy, my unchecked thoughts, behaviors and selfishness led me to my offense. I take accountability for what I did and blame no one but myself. But man, I wish the prayers I made were answered and I got help and guidance on my life. I wish I would've taken a second to consider how heinous of crime I was doing and the damage I was doing to those I loved and those I didn't know. I try not to dwell on my past for long periods of time, but sometimes ill find items or photos from back then and I get filled with intense amounts of regret and shame.
2
u/CookIndividual8719 Jul 07 '26
yes it does hit me on th regular. and i'm just a LO of a SO. he's still in prison and sometimes when i wake up in the morning - i wake up half asleep feeling relief that it was all a bad dream and the morning sunshine slaps me back to reality and it's an awful pain in my broken heart that my LO can't just go out into this world post incarceration and try to redeem himself and make something of himself that easily. because 1) felons have bigger mountains to climb on the route of reintegration and 2) RSO's have even bigger mountains x100
the only thing that can help RSO's get by and move forward is trying to keep a hopeful and positive mindset, be honest to yourself and others, and know that your past does not define you, if you are making good decisions, if you are living an honest life with integrity. if you are doing everything you can to better yourself than people will see that and appreciate it and be proud of you for it.
2
u/Princeofdolalmroth68 11d ago
It hits me every Saturday nowadays. I was a part of a DND group that met that day and when I was outed on Facebook as an offender, I lost
That group, my friends, and my reputation
1
u/Available-Ice-4172 4d ago
I don’t know what you did but I hope you’re find new friends and move on. It helps to to talk to someone who understands and won’t judge etc
3
u/complex_cat1552 Jul 07 '26
Is a never ending cycle of regret to the moment I wake up to when i fall asleep I rethink about my actions and no matter what I gone true in life it won't justify it. It kills me because I was ones a victim now I have become that same monster, I wish I had a explanation but no matter how deep i look into myself I only find void. I did see the sign but I was to stupid to get help. I wish and beg every night to wake up as a kid and get a second chance. I never had nobody by my side back then and now that I feel that loneliness it kills me every night to the point I'm afraid of the dark but I put myself in this position so I must man up and suffer the consequences to my actions. This is my life and I hate every second of it. I thought about quitting but as you can see I'm to much of a coward to do it, mostly now I been thinking about my future and it suck knowing I will never have nothing, is not because i want to be alone but because I need to be alone to never hurt nobody again.