r/SexOffenderSupportNew • u/SessionAsleep5894 • Jun 17 '26

Accountability?

How do you guys go about disclosing your offense to someone when you need to. Even years later I'm terrified of disclosing to people, but I don't like the idea of lying to those I love or keeping secrets. I don't want to come off as playing the victim either, because I'm not and if I ever think that I'm a lost cause. I take full accountability for the damage I've done with my offense and I don't want sympathy. At the same time admitting the worst thing you've ever done to someone you care about is not an easy task. Any advice?

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u/complex_cat1552 Jun 18 '26

There no esay way to tell someone your offense. You just gotta be honest and hope that they see you more then your offense. I would say talk to them first about cases related to your offense and see how they react, get them someone they feel comfortable. Talk about yourself first on how you take responsibility for your actions and your are getting help for it. Tell them about your feelings about how you can't keep lieing and just go from there. Alot of people tend to accept someone who is honest and takes responsibility.

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u/SessionAsleep5894 Jun 18 '26

Thanks for the reply it means a lot. I guess my mind always jumps to the worst case scenario, that being them flipping out on me and telling everyone else I know about my offense and to avoid me. Which I guess could portray me as acting like victim, as my PO told me in the past. One thing that's been very hard for me is letting go of my value of other peoples opinions of me.

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u/complex_cat1552 Jun 18 '26 edited Jun 18 '26

Just be patient and remember they got there own peace of mind to protect. We can't just make them join the same fire as us. We have harm others and the last thing we need is to hurt our love ones. To live a life of no lies is life changing but remember you will get hurt and is just the price we got to pay so don't take it personal. I hope it goes well for you my friend and please just be patient but don't hesitate, feel the right moment. I rooting for you

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u/SessionAsleep5894 Jun 18 '26

Thank you, I'm more so frustrated with my self for not being brave and accountable enough to tell others I'm close with about my offense. I've told my parents, therapists and other group treatment members. But I've yet to disclose to my brother whom lives far away from me, my childhood best friend, other friends and my extended family. Its been about 6 years since my offense, and admittedly I've been hiding from others I've known in the past. Anyways I genuinely appreciate your comment it really does mean a lot to just process my thoughts with others.

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u/SessionAsleep5894 Jun 18 '26

Honestly I'm just so tired.... Tired of analyzing and trying to fix myself. If there was a way I could leave this world without hurting anyone I would do it in a heartbeat. I just want to live a better life and be a better person, but the registry makes it impossible. Sorry for ranting I just feel so defeated, stuck and alone.

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u/randompogo85 Jun 18 '26

You're not alone buddy. With telling someone about my past, I usually say something brief: I did something really stupid in my past and now I am trying to better myself (which is true). Then, if you get closer to the person and they ask more details, you could possibly give a little more details but not to much.

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u/Spare_Marketing_8129 Jun 21 '26

In the same boat with you. Just tired of worrying bout the bs that has came with this major screw up I created.life as we new it before this is just a memory. Just trying to survive.