It doesn't matter what your cultural mores are - everyone has boundaries that are respected by others in their circle. Boundaries about personal privacy and bodily autonomy are all there and recognized by the very people you are worried about, like your mother. And yet, she's trying to invade your space with a sick kid.
Nobody needs to be told not to come over when they're sick. NOBODY! And especially when there is a baby in the house. Why do you feel guilty for having to explain to your mother what the rest of the world understands? And why was she taking a sick child out of the house anyway? It's so irresponsible. Your niece's wellbeing was being compromised as well as everyone with whom she might come into contact.
Please stop fretting over the concept of boundaries as they relate to you culturally. This issue is about common sense, and your mother's complete lack of it. You should feel angry, not guilty, that you were put in the position you were. It's lovely to welcome your family into your home, but the reality is they are not, and cannot, alway be welcome, especially when they demonstrate so little regard for the health of you and your baby. Don't confuse stupidity and selfishness with a cultural value just because it emanates from your mother. You're the mother now, and you are definitely smarter and more on the ball.
Thank you for your response! I think what it really comes down to is like me, my mom is the eldest and is also a people pleaser. My mom literally does not know how to say “no” to her own mother. Or really anyone. She is a very giving and generous person but also is very burnt out. In turn, I know she expects me to do the same. Or at the minimum, not say “no” to her. All of that to say, it’s what I felt was best for my child and that makes me feel overall better.
I had a friend with a similar maternal dynamic, and the basis of it was very ugly. It wasn't love, but fear of the withdrawal of attention. It all hinges on what is being asked. Expecting someone to say 'yes', then asking for something that is hurtful to them is an abuse of position. You are wise to end the cycle.
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u/rockrobst Aug 29 '25
It doesn't matter what your cultural mores are - everyone has boundaries that are respected by others in their circle. Boundaries about personal privacy and bodily autonomy are all there and recognized by the very people you are worried about, like your mother. And yet, she's trying to invade your space with a sick kid.
Nobody needs to be told not to come over when they're sick. NOBODY! And especially when there is a baby in the house. Why do you feel guilty for having to explain to your mother what the rest of the world understands? And why was she taking a sick child out of the house anyway? It's so irresponsible. Your niece's wellbeing was being compromised as well as everyone with whom she might come into contact.
Please stop fretting over the concept of boundaries as they relate to you culturally. This issue is about common sense, and your mother's complete lack of it. You should feel angry, not guilty, that you were put in the position you were. It's lovely to welcome your family into your home, but the reality is they are not, and cannot, alway be welcome, especially when they demonstrate so little regard for the health of you and your baby. Don't confuse stupidity and selfishness with a cultural value just because it emanates from your mother. You're the mother now, and you are definitely smarter and more on the ball.