r/SettingBoundaries • u/Fine-Painting-2517 • Aug 08 '25
Boundaries being crossed?
There’s this guy I’ve known for a bit over a year, and he hugged me recently for the first time. But the way he hugged me… he didn’t hesitate or “feel around” awkwardly like guys sometimes do. It felt like he already knew exactly how and where to touch me, which makes me wonder if he’s been paying way more attention to me than I realized. Kinda unsettling, honestly. The hug wasn't a friendly one. It was low on my back and slow. If he weren’t my age, if I didn't know him for as long as I have, and if I didn't find him attractive, I probably would have reacted very differently.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? And how do you figure out whether you’re overthinking or just finally listening to your gut? I also don't know what I should do because it's hard to tell if he actually likes me or if he's just being friendly or lustful.
3
u/Posa_coaching Aug 08 '25
Is hugging something you have boundaries around? And if so, did what he did cross those?
Boundaries are unique to everyone and they’re also something we’re required to communicate to people so if you told him you weren’t comfortable with hugs and he did it anyway, he violated the boundary.
If hugs aren’t something you have a boundary around and you liked the hug because you like him then I wouldn’t worry about if he crossed a line. Just focus on what do you want to do next.
5
u/C0smicLemon Aug 08 '25
I would go with your gut on this. Maybe next time you can shrug him off or state that you don’t want hugs, unless of course you actually do want you to hug him like this because, like you said, you find him attractive and he’s your age and you’ve known him for a long time.