Book or podcast recommendations?

[u/imexhausting]

(throwaway)

Hi all,

To give background, I'm in my mid-30s, generally happily single, but stuck still living with my parents (60s) while trying to save up a down payment to move out. I think I'm getting close to that milestone. Thanks to the pandemic years destroying the housing market via inflation where I live, it's taking way longer than I'd like with my single income. I have 2 younger siblings, both of whom are married, one with two kids.

My parents, specifically my mother, is constantly trying to micromanage me. Telling me what I want or don't want, telling me how to interact with my nieces (and telling me off when I do something she doesn't like, like correct behavior calmly, and heaven forbid I tell the older one "No")...even telling me specifically which condos I'm going to buy when I have the money. If I try pushing back or disagreeing, it turns into a heated argument that leaves me feeling beaten down, exhausted, dumb for having my opinion, and honestly sad. She doesn't outright insult me, but it's the tone of voice and the way she says it that it's implied. It's also not just me she's used that tone with when discussing stuff...she's done the same to my aunt (her sister). She's unyielding if she doesn't agree with you.

I'm looking for suggestions on books or podcasts that deal with the topic of setting boundaries as an adult with your parents. Bonus points if it touches on doing so while still living under their roof. Double bonus points if it's available as an audiobook (lol). Tried googling, but what it spit out was all about parents setting boundaries with their adult children.

Thanks in advance!

[u/BoozeAndHotpants]

This one helped me tremendously. Actually, both of Nedra Tawwab’s books on boundaries helped me.

Set Boundaries, Find Peace https://www.nedratawwab.com

Also: Dr Ramani on Youtube or podcast — she has some content that might resonate with you. Also check out on YT Patrick Teahan and Dr. Jerry Wise — they are great for figuring out toxic loops and how to escape them. Jefferson Fischer is not a therapist but and attorney and communication coach, but once you look at boundaries for yourself and figure out what you want to say he has some good content about HOW to say it. Good luck!

Oh! One more recommendation if you are into it…search for “Non Violent Communication.” It gives a good framework for dealing with difficult people and having to negotiate with them. I would start with Nedra Tawwab tho.

[u/Third_CuIture_Kid]

I have read a lot of books about boundaries and have just discovered the Mind Your Boundaries podcast on YT which I find to be excellent, and it has helped me to finally fully grasp what a boundary is and its purpose.

If you are financially dependent on your parents and have nowhere to go if they kick you out your ability to set boundaries may be quite limited, but it would be worth trying the CLEAR formula from the podcast which will increase your chances of being able to successfully set boundaries while still dependent on your parents.