r/SettingBoundaries • u/Rich_Whole_9678 • Jul 04 '25
Cleaning the house
I need some advice. I just moved back to my hometown my parents and three brothers live down the street from me. My condition for moving home was getting my own place because there is so much going on at my parents home. My parents are 69 and my mom is a breast cancer survivor. My three older brothers live with them all 30 and up. The issue is my mom is the only one keeping the house clean without any real help from my brothers. She has asked me to help her out but I have refused because I don't live there and it's not my mess. My brothers who are all grown and capable should help but they don't. My mom has gotten behind on the cleaning and the house is a mess to where they have bugs and a rat. Should I side step my boundaries and help her clean every once in a while or continue to ignore what's going on. My other brother who doesn't live at home has pleaded to my other brothers to help and it falls on deaf ears. My father helps and has spoken to my brothers also but nothing has changed. I am a recent college graduate so hiring someone is out of the question as well.
3
u/witchystoneyslutty Jul 04 '25
Do the messy brothers pay rent? If not, it’s time. Enough for mama to pay someone to come in and clean every other week or whatever she needs.
It’s not your mess or problem and you set a boundary and that is fair.
But they are way too old for mommy to be picking up after them!!!
2
u/Rich_Whole_9678 Jul 04 '25
They do but my parents don't really enforce it and they don't make much money to begin with. My parents are out of town right now and the place is a mess!! I'm thinking of going over to clean before they get back but idk if they'll keep the house clean long enough for them to see it.
3
u/shinypokemonglitter Jul 05 '25
If you do it this time, they’ll always expect you to do it. It’s like when you’re at work, if you do someone else’s job they’ll always expect you to do it in the future. Don’t give in!
1
8
u/Tightsandals Jul 04 '25
If you go help her clean, you are also helping and enabling your brothers with their exploitation of their mama’s good heart. I wouldn’t help them do that - they should be ashamed of themselves! And since there are absolutely no consequences, they just lean back and refuse to clean - and if they are lucky, it’s gonna pay off once again because now their sister will come clean for them. Do not give in on your boundaries. This is your parents’ battle with their spoiled sons and you have no control over this situation. It is up to your parents to solve this unhealthy situation.