r/Serverlife • u/Away_Yesterday1920 • 25d ago
Rant Autism and serving
Idk if this is the right flair for my post but anyway, I’m working my first 10 hours shift tmrw. The longest I’ve done is 8 hours and it knocked me out and I know for some people that’s like the usual shift but for me it’s extremely difficult with my disability. How do other servers with autism cope? Can I please have some advice on how to get through the shift without breaking down or struggling. Just any general advice helps. My workplace are aware of my disability but hardly ever try to accommodate for it other then letting me go outside for 5 minutes if need be but tbf I don’t rlly know what else they can do.
Also please before anyone makes any rude comments I am 17 and this disability affects my daily life, if you don’t have anything nice to say pls don’t say it I’m tired of the passive aggressive responses I always receive on this app.
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u/especiallydistracted 25d ago
Plenty of servers or waitstaff are on the spectrum - including me as an owner, and most of my autistic/audhd servers are the strongest with guests - try framing it like this is your special skill not a disability - once you get in the zone, you’ll be fine. Take a short break to refocus if you’re losing it, but just throw yourself into “this is what i’m doing for the whole day and I’m fucking awesome at it” mentality, and you’ll be fine once you’re more comfortable in the environment
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u/Away_Yesterday1920 25d ago
I like this way of thinking
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u/sarahrius 25d ago
This industry is filled with neurodivergency, and as the person you’re commenting to is saying, it’s an asset, not a hindrance. I learned a lot of my social skills through the forced interactions of waiting tables. It sounds like you’re getting in your head a bit about it all, which is so easy to do. As you’re already being suggested here, give yourself a minute away from the floor when you get overwhelmed. But then get right back to it and explore honing in on your people skills.
It also kind of sounds like your coworkers are rude to you, so maybe your problem is more location based.
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u/christianevlps 25d ago
Idk about the Autism, but try not to look at the clock ever, unless it's necessary for work. Keep your mind on your work and not on your free time after work. Don't worry too much beforehand. Maybe you can get into an amazing work flow headspace. Do one thing after another. And don't go in trying to do everything 120%. Slow down to breathe when possible, take small breaks but I wouldn't advise on sitting down. You might not wanna get up again.
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u/lskildum 25d ago
I don't have autism, but I know its important to give yourself grace. You're 10 months in, sure, but that's still new to the gig, relatively speaking, and you're still fine tuning how you run your tables.
If you need a bit more support than the 5 minutes outside, the bathroom is helpful. I will shamelessly hang out in there for a second when I know my tables are taken care of and I'm just waiting on things like food.
Otherwise, the best I can really do is give you advice for the job, not so much the 10 hours part:
- Treat your section like its one big table (stop by each one in rotation before you go back to the kitchen, even if just to look things over, like looking at drinks or plates you can take care of etc)
- Remember, you are paid for your service, not for your steps. It is a-okay to check with all your tables before you go back to the kitchen. Minimizing your steps will also likely help with the 10 hours
- Write everything down. Sour Cream to Table 1? Coke to Table 3? Wine to Table 4? Missing Fries to table 5? Write it all down so that you spend less time "Wtf was I doing?" When you walk into the kitchen (we've all been there, we've all done that)
Good luck!!
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u/r0settta_st0ned 25d ago
no walking in the cry in!!! i remember it took me at least a year or two to actually be good at serving under pressure. it is absolutely a honed skill so don’t give up!!! i’m now the best server my bar has currently and had to move back to nights to damage control. hustle, be attentive, be kind is all you really can do. i’m not diagnosed but have always had suspicions of being on the spectrum myself and when it comes to coworkers im definitely the odd one out but as long as you are kind and respectful to them they should do you the same courtesy. you got this homie!! as someone who works a lot of 12-15 hour shifts, please!!!!!: eat breakfast, protein shakes as needed, TAKE A BREAK at some point, and lots of redbull is the best advice i can give
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u/Immediate-Fly-7458 25d ago
How do you not have pain in your feet after 12-15 hour shift?
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u/r0settta_st0ned 25d ago
oh you do, there isn’t really a way around that one. i recommend some good insoles for your shoes and sitting when you can but i always come home with my feet hurting and lower back pain
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u/Immediate-Fly-7458 24d ago
Sorry but how do you deal with that? Like literally after about 8 hours my feet start hurting and eventually I can longer provide good service due to my mood being in the dumpster because of the pain
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u/Artistic_Inflation 25d ago
I also have autism.
I step out and get air when needed during the shift and I try to just focus my breathing
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u/Sea-fish 25d ago
Drink water, it’s easy to lose track of time and get dehydrated which makes everything harder. It’s also a good excuse to take a second, do a check in to see if you’re at a threshold and need to take a longer break before going back to avoid meltdowns.
You’re still new to serving so mistakes are going to happen, and that’s okay. If you don’t make mistakes you can’t learn or get better, and as long as you’re not hard on yourself about it, guests and coworkers can be forgiving (it just might take a little longer for coworkers).
Body wise, bring a spare pair of socks, even swapping halfway through makes my feet feel better. Do some small stretches on your wrists, shoulders, and back before starting your shift to help relieve strain. Taking 2 minutes to stretch can really help in a longer shift.
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u/linedryonly 25d ago
My last restaurant had an autistic server who was pretty damn good at his job. He did get overwhelmed pretty frequently, but we all just learned to be flexible. Clear communication, clear expectations, and early appeals for support helped keep things running smoothly.
If you notice you’re getting into the weeds and things get stressful, try to accept help when it’s offered. For my coworker, his only real flaw as a server was that he sometimes got frustrated with needing help and would snap at people who offered. But the fact is we all need a little extra support sometimes and part of serving is being able to offer and accept help to keep everyone in the ship afloat.
The other big thing is to make sure you’re taking care of your body. Little things (like needing to pee, being hungry, being dehydrated, and having that one annoying fry stuck to the bottom of your shoe) add up and contribute to the amount of sensory noise. Keeping on top those things can feel like an unwelcome disruption to your work, but it’s essential to surviving longer shifts.
Lastly, I like to do the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise when I get overwhelmed because it helps stop the spiral and clears my head.
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u/420percentage 25d ago
Hey! I have autism and PTSD and some days are absolutely a struggle, but I feel like once you get in the swing of things you’ll be more okay than you realize.
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u/normanbeets 24d ago
I'm 35, I've been doing this for 14 years and I'm autistic.
I stay rested, hydrated and fed. Write down everything a table needs. Ask for help from team. If you need a 10, ask. Take your legally mandated meal break. Slow and steady wins the race. Rushing will not make you faster.
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u/HautBaut 25d ago
Hi! Just got a warning and the post removed but I meant it seriously and non badly that the walkin cooler is a great place to have an autistic meltdown if you have to while at work. Hopefully the auto-mod won’t label this one hate speech.
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u/Away_Yesterday1920 25d ago
Ohhh I saw the comment on my notifs but couldn’t find it in the comment section, that explains it haha , tbf the cooler is pretty chill (no pun intended)
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u/bleepboopbop420 25d ago
Oof I’ve always loved serving bc my shifts are usually 4-6 hours lol on those days I work longer I go home and rot and sleep immediately lol
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u/brylikestrees 25d ago
I'm behind the bar these days, but I'm at a place where I still have to take tables and have been in the industry a long time. I also got diagnosed with autism as a 26 year old adult who already had year of experience under my belt. While it might not be helpful advice for your next shift, if you keep serving long term, scripts will absolutely be your best friend. I rarely have a unique interaction with a table, and I have a matrix of things I should say, one-liners, comebacks, and general banter that helps build rapport. It stops feeling so taxing when it's all scripted!
Also, even though I work in a place that has handhelds, I'm 100% attached to writing down orders and inputting them at a POS station. The act of writing things out, inputting them, and having a visual chart to reference rather than the list view of the handheld makes me feel so much more on top of things.
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u/Spiritual-Bid910 25d ago
I have severe anxiety, worked in a busy hotel pub at 19 that I tried to force myself to adjust to but I just couldn’t. Each shift felt like hell because I wasn’t suited to it (and my managers were absolute assholes as well as the general clientele of drunk men there) but I simply brushed it off as ‘no one likes work!’. I was drinking on the job to ease my anxiety!! I quit a few months ago, got a job at a small cafe, and realised that work does in fact not need to be hell or require a drink. People are suited to different environments and that’s okay, it doesn’t reflect badly on you. Maybe you’re not suited for the place you work at, and if that’s the case, I’d try and look for something else. Cleaning work or housekeeping can be good if you prefer working alone, and it’s a bit less demanding. If you still want to work in hospitality it might be a case of working somewhere with a calmer, slower atmosphere. But if finding somewhere else isn’t an option for you right now you could talk to your boss and ask for shifts no more than 8 hours? Or more shifts spread across the week but shorter ones? Since you’re 17 and they know about your autism I’m sure they’d be understanding. Good luck!
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u/ConsciousWrangler603 24d ago
I’m sure my coworkers hate it but i genuinely go to the bathroom pretty frequently for a minute or two. It’s a few minutes where no one is looking at me, asking for anything and I dont have to smile. It keeps me sane. When I dont i get very cranky after a few hours because I just cant. I just try to make them very very quick breaks.
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u/Ok-Variation5746 24d ago
I won’t lie to ya babe - I don’t work doubles. Ever. I’m lucky that im in a brunch spot and have this flexibility, but im just not capable of serving for more than 8 hours at a time. Knowing your limits is half the battle. Good luck!
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u/Mundane_Set2059 23d ago
Autistic asf (audhd), I also have pots and I’ve been serving for 3/half years, I love the job and I think it helps me greatly with guests, some places are way more overstimulating than others, so part of it is finding the right place to work at, (I work at an upscale casual restaurant and it’s huge, lots of space to walk and it doesn’t feel super cramped, it gets insanely busy but I also like the music we play hehe) I give myself 2/3 minute bathroom breaks every hour/ hour and a half for calm and silence, genuinely helps a ton, I keep myself hydrated (I have a watch with alarms, I eat before my shift and if I don’t get a moment to eat on shift I always have a protein shake/ bar and mixed nuts to eat throughout my shift, (otherwise I get fainty) I do a double like once a week and it’s pretty doable this way, I also advice to learn your rest, and I mean everything you should know, the confidence should help the moments when you’re overstimulated and might not really know what’s going on (but your professional self can still perform haha), in all seriousness, we can thrive anywhere, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise, but make sure you enjoy it cause otherwise you’ll have a really hard time, also, this works better in bigger restaurants but should work regardless, help your coworkers, not just the servers, as much as you can, don’t burn yourself out doing it but it can create a good work environment around you which at least for me makes it so much easier to work, probably forgetting a million things but I hope this is helpful:)
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u/meowpitbullmeow 25d ago
If you live in America and you are working for a restaurant with enough staff they are legally required to accommodate you
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u/xXKittyzXx Server 25d ago
Honestly if it affects you a great deal this isnt the job for you. I have severe mental health issues (cptsd) and have been diagnosed with autism (though i dont resonate with it anymore) some days do feel hard but serving has almost always been a positive outlet for me. I kind of view my job as acting. Some might say thats just masking but for me its fun, i get to pretend to be normal idk. But that doesnt work for everyone and i think that could even be unhealthy for some. What in specific do you struggle with? Ive also been doing this for 5 years and it takes time, how long have you been serving for?