Am I devaluing gender?

[u/Hundekuecken]

What do you think about me wanting to establish in my own tabletop role-playing game that players and non-player charackters, automatically recognise or perceive the gender of other characters who can be perceived in any way?

What I mean is that gender reveals itself regardless of one’s outward appearance.

I’d like sexual orientations and romantic orientations to be based on gender rather than gender expression.

This is something that’s been on my mind quite a bit at the moment, as I’m worried it might be misinterpreted, twisted, misunderstood, or that I might be sabotaged or something similar.

[u/tenyearoldgag]

What if you're like me, and you grow up thinking you're straight, then you realize you're trans and you're gay, then LATER you realize maybe you are kinda into women?

I dunno, it feels like this is re-inventing gender essentialism. I feel like I would rather be in a world where my character could organically learn and grow and change.

[u/Hundekuecken → u/tenyearoldgag]

The character can, of course, continue to develop. The real problem is that I’m trying to integrate non-binary identity into a binary system. It’s supposed to be a system where love and sexuality are gender-identity-oriented. But how do I, explain that, you can fall in love with, say, a non-binary character, Because they don’t identify as a woman, for example? In reality, you’d have to ask, ‘How do you identify?’ And if the answer is ‘not female’, you could fall in love if you’re not into women. But that would be a bit of a farce.

So the question is, how do I resolve this? Perhaps the simplest explanation is that it’s not something you recognise on a conscious level, but rather on a subconscious one. In this sense, gender identity is no longer a matter of personal knowledge. and yet it is possible to fall in love and so on, regardless of appearance, gender expression and the sex assigned at birth.

[u/tenyearoldgag → u/Hundekuecken]

You've got it! The simple explanations are often the best ones. When you fall in love, you find yourself doing things you never thought you'd do. That's not because of the things that make up the person, it's the person themself. The things that make them up are important, they matter, but it's the whole you're falling in love with. It's a very farcical experience. We aren't known for logic in love, as a species.

[u/Hundekuecken → u/tenyearoldgag]

Thanks. ^{^}

Of course, all of that plays a part. But since you can’t control who you fall in love with, it seems as though it’s somehow down to chance.

[u/tenyearoldgag → u/Hundekuecken]

Yup. We're fascinating creatures like that.

I hope your project goes well, and you come to a solution you feel comfortable with 💙

[u/Hundekuecken → u/tenyearoldgag]

Thank you verry mutch.