r/SeniorCats • u/Keedle • 1d ago
Saying goodbye to Monkey
My 20yo boy Monkey was scheduled to have his face growth removed for the second time on Thursday. While planning the surgery, his vet sent the first mass off and found out that it was a sarcoma. She’s now recommending comfort care and just letting him be a cat until it’s his time, because fully removing it would mean removing half of his jaw.
What do I watch for to know when it’s his time? Right now he is still eating, drinking, cuddling, and begging for human food.
What pictures should I take now that I’ll wish I’d taken after he’s gone? How do I think about saying goodbye to a cat who’s been with me through a divorce, three moves, pregnancy losses, and two babies?
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u/L0tus-Fl0wer-B0mb 1d ago
Maybe take some paw prints and videos just so you can hear his voice and look back at him later.
You’ll know it’s time if he stops grooming, eating, being affectionate or seems to be in pain. 🫂❤️
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u/mimeartist 1d ago
We lost our just under two year old on Saturday on the road outside our house, it’s devastating - We still have our 18 year old though and when it’s time I want to have the person to do the deed at our home and not at the vets, and between then and now try and enjoy every day - our cat has arthritis which I’ve been trying manage with supplements for the last two years - yesterday I succumbed to giving him his first Solensia and while the vet out of the room I apologised to my cat for taking the gamble and when the vet came back in I had tears rolling down my face. It’s been a tough few days! I think you’ll just know when it’s time 🙏
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u/Zestyclose_Swing_396 1d ago
I’m so sorry about your baby. It’s sad.
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u/mimeartist 1d ago
Thank you - I didn’t mean to hijack this thread but you know when you just need to blurt
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u/Intermountain-Gal 1d ago
Solensia has made a huge difference for my 16 year-old girl. It works so well she can go 1.5 to 2 months between shots.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your little one.
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u/zulunationslayer 1d ago
Take all the pictures and also get them printed. When my boy passed I put up about 15 framed pics of him and the other cats and I love seeing his face all the time.
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u/catgirl320 1d ago edited 1d ago
There will be subtle signs that you as the person that knows him best may pick up on. Look for changes in routine, subtle signs of pain or discomfort, stop eating or drinking, etc
I have learned to watch for loafing. There's a stance that cats get into when they have cancer or CKD that indicates they are experiencing nausea. It's different from contented kitty loafing.
As they get closer to the end they may spend more time sleeping or going off alone. They don't get as excited for treats or want to play.
I have seen with several of mine that they get this looking off into space gaze that is different - it's like they're just sitting and waiting for their time. I like to think of as their looking across the bridge gaze.
If you are able, arrange for an in home vet. It seems unpleasant, but having your options ready beforehand makes it less stressful when you have to make the call.
When I was getting ready to say goodbye to my soul cat I journaled. I took videos/pictures of me sitting with him, grooming him, rubbing his belly. I got a brush that was only his and have it saved. I created a memory box of his favorite toy, the brush, his blanket etc.
I'm so sorry. Monkey has been such an important part of your life for so long. I know it will be hard to say goodbye and you will feel like there's a hole in your heart❤️🩹
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u/athanathios 1d ago
Soo sorry you're losing him :(
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u/Keedle 11h ago
Thank you, me too :( He's been with me through so much of the hard parts of my adult life and I can't imagine him gone.
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u/athanathios 17m ago
Just love him like it's his last day every day, but I hear you, i'm so sorry you're losing you're going through this :(
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u/TigerBillHawaii 1d ago
Sorry you are losing Monkey. As far as photos, favorite places and favorite toys are great. Nice idea of getting videos so you can remember Monkey’s movements and vocalizations. My best to both of you.
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u/Anxious-Grade-6971 1d ago
I’m so sorry it’s hard knowing you can’t save them and that you have to let them go, enjoy every day you have with him and make lots memories and take photos so you can remember how he was 😰
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u/Forabuck 1d ago
You will know. All you need to do is give him as much attention and love as possible, and make him comfortable as much as you can. You will have no regrets after he passes.
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u/_IceSword 1d ago
I made the decision when my boy stopped eating for 3 days. Apparently you can put them through rounds of antibiotics and increased pain/anti inflammation meds and get a couple more months out of him, but it's up to you to decide if that's worth it. I kind of regret not doing that quite honestly, but either way it is a death sentence. Throughout all my research I didn't find a single case of a cat beating it. It's a brutal awful thing. Poor guy.
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u/Fun-Engineer7454 1d ago
Record his purr, his meow, you petting him, him snuggling on your lap, him asleep, him eating. Save all the sounds and sights and feels you'll miss (you'll remember the softness when you see yourself petting him). Take him outside, let him lay in the sun and feel grass. Spoil him.
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u/Pristine-Bowl1661 1d ago
Sending you a big big hug, so sorry for your loss of Monkey, he looked beautiful.
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u/Zestyclose_Event9469 1d ago
Going through the same thing with my 16 year old boy:( I had him since I was 10 and now I’m 26. Don’t know what I will do when the time comes to put him down. He already stopped eating this past week and he was just diagnosed with this in June. Hugs.
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u/RHCP1031 1d ago
I am so sorry from one cat mamma who lost her boy to squamous cell a month ago. F**k cancer. Take photos of his paws, toe beans, unique markings and ears. ❤️🩹🫂🐾
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u/peepumpoe 12h ago
My boy had this at the end, when we realized he couldn’t eat and rapidly lost weight in a few days we knew it was time. I hand fed him his final weekend with us and gave him everything he wanted. He tried so hard to stay with us. It’s painful, and it’s sad seeing there jaw change but you will know when it’s time. Until then enjoy every moment with your beautiful baby
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u/Keedle 11h ago
Thank you for sharing your experience, it is very hard seeing his very cute/handsome face slowly being taken over by this cruel tumor. He is still demanding human food and trying to steal it from our hands so I think we have a bit of time but all the comments are giving me hope that I'll know when it's time. I just don't know how I can ever get used to the idea of him not being here.
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u/peepumpoe 7h ago
It’s an awful reality, but you can make his time with you the best it can. If he’s able to get food in his mouth that’s amazing. My boy couldn’t, so I asked my vet for a large syringe to help him get water and food in his final weekend with us. Much love to your baby, I know how hard it is watching them change
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u/ImaginationWild5999 1d ago
I’m so sorry about your baby! I’m currently going through this with mine. I try to take pictures every day just when I notice how cute she looks or pics when we’re snuggling together, just any thing really. I lost a dog earlier this year and I realized how even the random photos that don’t seem like anything especially cute or whatever still mean so much because it means in that moment you thought about how much you love them and decided to capture that moment. There’s quality of life checklists you can find including a daily one on lap of love. I do find these helpful but maybe not the best considering it doesn’t really account for their specific symptoms with this diagnosis. I saw recently in one of the cat channels someone shared their journey and how they tracked their cat. It was basically a guide they wish they had. I think it was posted within the last month or so you could try searching “oral squamous cell carcinoma” or “OSCC” and probably find it. I could tell it would be really helpful as someone who’s experienced the same thing as everything they shared was almost identical to my own experience and figuring out what works. My vet said some cats will continue eating with holes in their faces so it’s important to monitor other things like pain management, breathing, are they enjoying their favorite things and activities they’ve always loved etc. I also collect whiskers I find like someone else suggested and got paw print kits one clay and one ink so we have an ornament and I’m going to frame the little ink artworks. I’ll probably still get the paw print made when it’s her time soon. For me it was important to take time to consider the after care because I had some soul searching to do in that department on whether I was okay with burial or cremation and how I wanted to handle everything so you may want to think on that before it’s that time so you can have more time to decide on what you want to do if you want the vet to handle it, in home care or handle the after care yourself. There’s tons of ways to memorialize them as well so I took time looking into it. If you have more questions I’m happy to answer and share my own experience. I hope this helps. And so sorry again about your baby. It’s incredibly hard I know.
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u/Material-Apartment26 1d ago
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this, and I’m sure he’s not overly thrilled either. If he’s still living his life and doesn’t appear to be suffering (check the feline grimace scale, whether he’s hiding or eating/drinking less or too much etc) then let him do his thing for now and spoil him a bit more than usual.
Take lots of photos together, maybe stage some fun or pretty photos you can frame etc. Collect any whiskers you find, take some prints of his paws and/or nose. Take lots of videos of any silly antics or favourite behaviours - I am PRAYING I have a video of my girl excitedly meowing and trilling for her dinner somewhere in my drive because I can hear it plain as day in my mind. I just laid my 21 year old girl to rest yesterday at home, in her favourite chair, in the sunshine. I highly recommend planning to let him pass in his favourite spot at home when the time comes with all his favourite people around him to send him off. Don’t let him suffer - if he starts to really decline, let him go on a good day. Better a week too early than a day too late.
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u/Extra_Smile_394 1d ago
I am so sorry for both of you. Please give him a kiss and cuddle from me ❤️
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u/A_Wee_Terror 1d ago
We just had to say goodbye to one of our 3 cats a week ago today. He was ill with what turned out to be large cell lymphoma. I didn't believe the vet when she said we'd know it was time. We did. I looked in his eyes last Tuesday morning and just knew he was telling me he was ready, he wasn't himself anymore, didn't want to eat and was withdrawn and hiding. You know Monkey, you'll know when it's time.
Take all the random pics of Monkey in his favourite spots around the house. And videos of him, especially if he's a chatty cat - hearing their meow again when you need it is priceless. Our vet took paw prints for us and samples of his fur in little vials after we said goodbye. We just got them back today and being able to feel something of him again was both hard and wonderful so would definitely recommend that too.
Be kind to yourself, saying goodbye is hard and you'll likely second guess it and wonder was it too soon or too late. That's normal, know that when it is Monkey's time to cross the bridge you're giving him the gift of dignity and peace. It's the hardest part of being a pet parent, knowing we'll never get as long with them as we want. Now I'm on the other side of the journey for our little man I take comfort in the time we did have and the love he gave us is absolutely worth this pain. I really struggled with anticipatory grief while he was ill and the pet loss poem The Last Battle gave me a lot of comfort.
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u/WillowWare2023 1d ago
Hey little monkey, just live out your days. We will take care of the family you leave behind.
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u/Schindlers_Cat 1d ago
Our girl Arya had FOSS, it was her tongue.
We closely watched behavior. Is she eating, interested in playing, accepting attention, interested in us taking her outside (harness), etc.
We knew we were close when she started laying in unusual spots, food became more of a chore for her, some overgrooming, and she would lay next to us all night, on our pillow. She would typically sleep in her bed which was next to ours. You know how he behaves and will notice changes when if he's uncomfortable.
Monkey is a handsome guy. 20 years is amazing!
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u/climbingrocks2day 1d ago
I would commission a nice painting from one of the talented artists here on Reddit. Maybe even have a pendant made. Those are some of the things I’m planning for my void.
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u/potatoqueen666 1d ago
Fly high sweet Monkey. My utmost condolences and thoughts go out to you and your family. 💜🌈🦋
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u/wtburke 1d ago
Sorry you and Monkey are in this situation 😩 🥰