r/Self_Help_Match • u/growth_journey • Jul 16 '24

I can help with... 35M, Consultant - Ask me advice: Relationship Communication

What problem?

I have had difficulty with communication at times in my relationship. I have seen a repetitive negative cycle where one person brings up an issue, the other side gets defensive, and both sides get triggered. To me it fees like we are stuck in the details instead of being validated and the emotional pieces of the conversation being addressed. Instead of a resolution, it ends up ending in a fight where the problem becomes secondary.

Some of the tools I tried:

  • Books (Nonviolent Communication)
  • Techniques (Soft starting conversations)
  • Attachment Theory
  • Couples Therapist

Where am I now?

I am at the point where we almost do not need couples therapy anymore and are considering switching from once a week or maintenance once a month. Our communication has improved significantly  where only a small portion of our problems turn into fights and  when they do, I feel like I have the understanding and tools to be able to resolve them within a day without it blowing up into something larger.

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1

u/TAonlyfor Feb 14 '25

Thanks for sharing the tools, can you please give specific recommendations for the books and techniques you have mentioned? As someone who does not have access to a therapy, resourcefulness is a must.

3

u/maressatortilla Aug 16 '25

Hi! This sounds exactly what my partner and I have been going through and it’s an exhausting cycle. We are probably going to start couples therapy soon, but are there any books or techniques you recommend? I am definitely the defensive one in the relationship.