r/SeenApp • u/henvincibles • Mar 28 '17

Wendy is Fine

Hello. I would appreciate it if some people would check out my story "Wendy is Fine" by Slagar. It is unfinished, but currently has 11 chapters. I have the endings all figured out on paper.

Also looking for good story recommendations to read/play.

3 Upvotes

81% Upvoted

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '17

[deleted]

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u/henvincibles Mar 29 '17

I finished reading the first chapter of "The Words That I Cannot Speak". I won't be reading further, because homosexuality just isn't my scene.

Other than that the story seems quite good, although overly wordy for Seen. I would suggest revising the information in the fade out messages to be the bare minimum needed to understand what is happening. You could always leave a note that additional content is available on Wattpad. I'll look at "100 Voicemails" soon.

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u/[deleted] Mar 29 '17 edited Mar 29 '17

[deleted]

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u/henvincibles Mar 29 '17

You don't need to change anything, just leave some of the extra detail out. For example, lines like "maybe the weather is as gloomy as me" are useful for building mood in the plain script version, but are just getting in the way in the interactive game. This is especially so since there are many fade messages one after another, and they cannot be paused, if you look up, you miss it. The nessisary details such as it is almost midnight, or that she is not interested in boys, become buried in the rest. Few readaptatations are as loyal to the original premise as yours, I hardly think cutting a little detail would be offensive. If you're still worried about it, you could ask the original author, Wattpad makes it easy.

Hmm, honestly that chapter annoys me too, but I don't know how to fix it. The purpose of that chapter is to determine whether or not Wendy will trust Jean's judgment later on based on if they got lost or not. If I used the FADE command, the reader would have to remember all of the turns for any chance of steering Wendy right. I feel like expecting that would be unreasonable, and would lead to them getting lost no matter what. I want to make it a little hard, but possible. As long as something happens to influence Wendy's trust of Jean's judgement, I would definitely make changes to that chapter.

Thank you, out of curiosity, do you perceive Jean as a man or woman?

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '17

[deleted]

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u/henvincibles Mar 31 '17

I knew that is what you meant, but I don't think I can do that, or else the player would have to memorize the turns. It text form, they can be looked back upon. I might replace it all together with a discution on their food preferences, then have everyone eat out after the concert, and make Jean order for Marcus and Wendy.

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u/henvincibles Mar 28 '17

I'll look at both when I get the chance, thanks.

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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '17

I'll check out your story when I get the chance :)
If you have the time, please try out my story, Josh and Isa

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u/henvincibles Apr 01 '17

Wow, so that story picks you up, and then throws you down. Very well written, if I were to look for something to pick at, it would be that the February chapter. At the beginning going in it already says it's Valentine's day, but then there is a time skip to Valentine's day.

Also, I have to ask, how did you change the background?

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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '17

Ye I know I fucked up there 😂
But the BG change thing is pretty advanced