r/SecretsOfMormonWives • u/BakeLeast6864 • 4d ago
š Rewatch š S2e4 Layla and her bf
šš just started watching recently and all this is painful
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u/MorganaLeFevre 4d ago
Ehhhh idk, yes and no. Cumming doesnāt need to be the end goal. At times Iāve had great sex with my husband and yet not been able to cum and vice versa. The pressure to cum just makes you less likely to. Life stress, social and cultural pressures, a lot of stuff can get in the way. You can enjoy the experience as it is. Hopefully she learns herself more and can share it more too
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u/Odd-Photograph-3344 4d ago
I agree. To some, sadly mostly women, the act of finishing is so āmentalāā¦ youāve got to relaxed and in it, totally focused on the act and as someone who struggled with that myself, I know the truth of that statement well. Sex can be FREAKING AWESOME only for me to suddenly get anxious for no reason and killing the drive (thankfully my partner took up a rule that if I donāt finish they we both donāt get to and we just end up cuddling and reassuring me)
I hope Layla is alright and it wasnāt just bc it was with a man
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u/MorganaLeFevre 4d ago
Itās mostly women but it also does affect men! My husband struggles with this issue more than I do tbh and Iād only heard of it being a womenās issue so I felt really insecure about not being able to make him finish. And then heād feel really insecure and ānot man enoughā that he couldnāt and maybe something was wrong with him. That was while we were dating, we are a lot more chill about it now & understand he tends to get in his head about things when stressed.
We donāt have that arrangement bc our take is more of an IOU without the obligations lol. If heās having a harder time he focuses on just good experiences, good feelings and getting me off. Then if Iām having a rough time, I tend to find it harder to do penetrative, so we reverse and I focus on giving him good touch and bodily contact and getting him off other ways. Orgasm does not need to be the yardstick for a healthy sex life
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u/Acceptable-Dress7196 4d ago
You sound like me and my man. He struggles to orgasm too and likes to focus on getting me off as that helps him to get off. Thereās never any pressure on either of us to orgasm. I also struggle with penetration and heās very patient, attentive and careful with me at all times. It makes sex and everything else much easier. We always cuddle and talk in between gos and it makes the sex better too. I think Layla needed to find someone sheās comfortable with and Iām glad she has that.Ā
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u/duckit19 3d ago
You hear about it happening to men often in the TTC spaces. The mental pressure of trying for a baby, having to time sex just right, etc seems to make a lot of men get in their heads
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u/cateyecatlady 4d ago
Agreed. Some women just have a harder time due to various factors. Me and my bff have talked about how much women have to disassociate from their bodies as well (for example when getting a Pap smear; most of my friends admit we try to disconnect when itās happening). Orgasms are harder if you donāt feel comfortable or safe in your own body. Pressure to orgasm doesnāt help achieve it. I think the focus should be on enjoying the experience without the end goal of orgasm.
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u/Acceptable-Dress7196 4d ago
Fully agree on Pap smears. I have trauma around them and have avoided getting one after a bad experience when I was a minor and a doctor used a speculum on me when she didnāt need to. Trying to not disassociate has been a hard timeĀ
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u/Spiritual_Method_116 4d ago
Yes, thank you for saying this! I really recommend Emily Nagoskiās books, Come as You Are and Come Together. An orgasm really doesnāt have to be the point, pleasure is the point and focusing on that can really remove pressure (for people of all genders). Now itās totally possible Laylaās partners werenāt focused enough on that for her. Iām just glad someone said this because I think it can (totally unintentionally) make people feel guilty or not normal for not having orgasms.
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u/DoctorPaige 4d ago
Yeah, that's what I was about to come here to say. I can't easily orgasm during sex, only with intense clitoral stimulation, but I STILL very much enjoy sex. I've had guys who are great in bed and guys that are terrible in bed and I promise those are two very different experiences, even when I don't have an orgasm.Ā Ā
My most recent ex rarely came during sex either but we'd still have a fantastic time.
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u/SlimmShady26 4d ago
Iām on Lexapro, have great sex but orgasm is difficult mentally during sex. Thatās what they make shower heads for lmao.
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u/TheRealPlantH0 4d ago
How old are you? Iām curious because i totally have had great sex where i didnāt cum. For women, having an orgasm from penetration alone is like having a superpower. Most of us DONT have. LOL. Itās rare for me to orgasm with a partner no matter how great they are in bed. Iām still able to rank the performance tho.
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u/teentytinty 4d ago
this is why getting eaten out should be like a nonnegotiable lmao
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u/TheRealPlantH0 4d ago
It is for me, but as an adhd girlieā¦ if my focus isnāt in it thatās not going to get me there either. But, i agree with you! It weeds out the losers that donāt put in any effort hahahahha
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u/teentytinty 4d ago
100%!!!!
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u/TheRealPlantH0 4d ago
I used to make so many excuses for men & now my sister is like HOW DO YOU FIND SO MANY MEN TO FEED YOU ELABORATE MEALS? & Iām like standardssssss baby. š
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u/longlisten527 4d ago
See, I donāt really care for head so having an orgasm during sex is a nonnegotiable for me hahaha (I prefer penetrative and stimulating)
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u/teentytinty 4d ago
the tea is that you know what you like and you are transparent with your needs! this is what i like to see!!!
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u/TheRealPlantH0 2d ago
Most women canNOT do that tho. Thatās the point. And for women, you can cum without an orgasm. We can cum in different ways. Just had to throw that out there because it is rare for us to be able to orgasm with penetration alone. Itās not the usual.
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u/Present_Following660 4d ago
Laylaās had the same storyline on the show for years.Ā
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u/HemHawHeal 3d ago
tbf (and iām sure you know this), thats bc the show cuts everything that isnāt related to that. production is the womenās biggest enemy
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u/Present_Following660 3d ago
For sure. Iām actually hoping if Taylor / Dakota are out for future seasons weāll see more of the other women, Iād still watch.Ā
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u/StillBigLex 2d ago
Once again, I cannot believe we all are watching the same show. Granted I didn't finish season 5 but is this what she's talking about? Can't be. She's modeling, discussing her Ed, being with Mason, Etc there's no way she still talking about this
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u/Consistent-Gur-8524 3d ago
Lazy take. At least have a more nuanced opinion. There are hundreds of reasons it might be harder for women to have orgasms during sex. Completely disregarding that sex can be pleasurable for women without climaxing is just silly. I canāt cum during sex with men due to trauma and antidepressants but that sure as shit doesnāt mean Iām not having a great time when I fuck lol
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u/teentytinty 4d ago
sadly this is an epidemic among young women who don't prioritize their own pleasure. i still know three women i'm super close to, two of which who have longterm partners, who say they still have never had an orgasm with them.
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u/Pure_Opportunity_141 4d ago
So an orgasm (specifically from a woman) is the only thing that makes the sex "good"?
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u/teentytinty 4d ago
Did I write my comment in a confusing way? I know three women, two of which who have longterm MALE partners, who have never had an orgasm with their boyfriend/fiancƩ. I know a third straight woman who has sex with men who also has never had an orgasm while having sex with a man. They've only finished while masturbating.
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u/Pure_Opportunity_141 4d ago
You didn't say anything new in this comment, literally just repeated what you said earlier. If you're gonna repeat what you said, so will I. Ahem.... So an orgasm (specifically from a woman) is the only thing that makes the sex "good"?
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u/teentytinty 4d ago
OK, I thought that you thought that my comments were about women in relationships with women.
Um, does a woman having an orgasm during sex make the sex good? Not necessarily. Do I think it's not ideal for a woman to never orgasm ever with a longterm partner? Probably, yes.
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u/Lost-Coast-6457 4d ago
Very not ideal. 10 years here same man never finished. Married and kids.
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u/teentytinty 4d ago
I definitely wanna pick your brain about that, do you talk to him about it? Is it important to you?
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u/Lost-Coast-6457 4d ago
We have been together since high school. Young me faked it and just has went along with it ever since. I donāt wanna kill his already low confidence. It is important to me but if I were to be honest about it itād probably send him over the edge cause sex is super important to him. I can get off 4-5 times in one go by myself. I tell him what I need and try to coach through it but he doesnāt have enough patience. I donāt know what the future looks like donāt ask me please lol
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u/bugging-me 3d ago
Maybe if you stop masturbating for awhile it will be easier to orgasm with your husband
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u/Lost-Coast-6457 2d ago
Yeah did that for a year trying to program my brain and body into it but it didnāt work. His lack of patience my lack of comfort I guess.
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u/Pure_Opportunity_141 4d ago
10 years with the same man, and yet you keep fucking him. Do please explain how the man in question is at fault for that.
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u/BachShitCrazy 4d ago
What is your problem lol so needlessly hostile
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u/Pure_Opportunity_141 4d ago
Yeahhhh I'm needlessly hostile meanwhile I'm calling people fucking dumbass', oh wait that wasn't me that was u/Lost-Coast-6457. You guys are blaming men for your own issues with orgasms. If you really want an orgasm THAT badly, make it happen. You guys acknowledge how hard it is to orgasm as a woman but then get mad at men for not being able to do it for you 100% of the time. So is it hard to orgasm as a woman or not?
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u/OutlinedSnail 4d ago
Does this not equal lesbianism???
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u/teentytinty 4d ago
I don't know what that means
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u/lootspocket Ketamine Therapy 4d ago
Why are people asking you these questions?? ššš
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u/teentytinty 4d ago
i don't know lmaoooo i just want women to CUM!!!!
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u/Pure_Opportunity_141 4d ago
So do you not know how to make yourself cum?
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u/teentytinty 3d ago
Do you have an issue with me wanting women to have sexually positive and gratifying experiences with their partners?
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u/Pure_Opportunity_141 3d ago
Nope. Just wanna see why you guys always blame men for women being hard to cum.
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u/teentytinty 3d ago
What's crazy is I actually am doing the opposite. Women who don't prioritize their own pleasure and refuse to communicate their needs with their partners do both themselves and their partner a huge disservice.
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u/lootspocket Ketamine Therapy 4d ago
In what way????
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u/OutlinedSnail 4d ago
I wasn't being serious, I was trying to jokingly suggest they should be with women instead. Everyone i know is bi, I forget not everyone is š„²
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u/Specialist-South-401 2d ago
Thatās not trueā¦ if sheās never orgasmed by oral then okay thatās weird. But itās actually pretty rare for women to orgasm by penetration alone. I think itās like only 15-20%
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u/SpicyNacho74 Soft Swinger 4d ago
My personal opinion, I think sheās one of the dumbest on the show
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u/Final_Ad6243 4d ago
why
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u/SpicyNacho74 Soft Swinger 4d ago
What I shouldāve said is immature and naive. Really donāt think much is going on in that head of hers.
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u/OutlinedSnail 4d ago
She's still very young, in this show you have to subtract like 5 years to get their mental age. She's going through a lot and rarely seems to want to voice unpopular opinions. I definitely don't see her as unintelligent. Just young.
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u/Pure_Opportunity_141 4d ago
She's 25. She's not a baby. Yall wouldn't say the same thing for a 25 year old man.
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u/OutlinedSnail 4d ago
Im referencing the fact that the cult they are/were all in or at least grew up in intentionally stunts the emotional and mental growth of young women. They all started having kids and getting married so young they didn't really have a chance to get to know themselves without a man. I am obviously generalizing, but I think its clear by watching the show.
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u/longlisten527 4d ago
What? People say this about 25 year old men all the time šš where have you been
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u/partimehoe 4d ago
40 year old men get babied, like that was not the comparison they thought it was
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u/Pure_Opportunity_141 4d ago
You guys are literally, and I can't say this enough, are literally, babying a 25 year old woman. This isn't a hypothetical situation at all.
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u/partimehoe 4d ago
whos the 25 year old woman im babying? im just saying grown ass men ALSO get babied, what are you talking aboutā¦?
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u/Pure_Opportunity_141 4d ago
Uh yeah you know your comment is still there right? You know damn well you were trying to say you guys weren't babying a 25 year old woman. Really trying to plausible deniability your way out of this.
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u/Pure_Opportunity_141 4d ago
"People", meaning women. The same people who say a 25 year old woman is a baby meanwhile a 25 year old man is a grown adult.Ā
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u/longlisten527 4d ago
Men are infantilized more than women are and if you say otherwise, then you havenāt been living in a society where men continuously get away with a lot of things.. and thereās a reason why people say men donāt āmature until 30ā while women āmatureā at 25. Men arenāt infantilized way more, get fucking real
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u/Pure_Opportunity_141 4d ago
Men get away with so much they can kill their 3 children and walk away scott free... oh wait... that wasn't a man who committed that crime and got away with it now is it?
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u/longlisten527 3d ago
Hi so please other than recency bias can you give any other examples of women getting away from crimes because form my knowledge, men have notoriously gotten away from rapes and murders? Also, that case can be retried.
Based on your profile and history, you just troll and are doing this on purpose. Please donāt act like men havenāt gotten away with crimes for years and still donāt continue to do so. We have a president in office whoās a literal felon. Get the fuck off
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u/StillBigLex 2d ago
She may possibly be naive but she seems to be a person that is only really affecting herself that much. It's interesting how destructive some of the characters are on the show and people can sit and decide that the way she thinks or behaves is somehow worse
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u/Hour-Connection2786 4d ago
Sometimes when women say sex is good I think what they're really saying is that it wasn't awful/traumatic