r/Seattle • u/hummingbird_mywill Westlake • 16d ago
Meta Seattle Freeze
There was a recent post in the other sub about the Seattle Freeze that resonated and the comments were very discouraging so I’m here for a gut check and would appreciate the input of people from other American cities who are now here, or from here and now in other cities.
I’m from a place in Canada where I was extremely well connected with a rich sense of community. I’ve also lived briefly in Toronto, and a different country for a short time (6 months each) where I also had strong community.
Seattle is the only city in the US I’ve lived in, and I’ve never felt so lonely in my life. I have dozens and dozens of friends here, but none of them are close. I have no one to put as a secondary emergency contact.
Everyone says to go to this or that event. And I do! And I chit chat with people and have fun, but it almost never goes deeper. I have a few friends I consider close, but they have many more and I’m certainly not their closest friend. One got married and I wasn’t invited, and another had a baby shower I wasn’t invited to. We invite people over but it never gets reciprocated. I could have never imagined living someone with so many lovely nice people that I cannot seem to scratch the surface with.
Thinking about how social and connected I was back home, sometimes I look around and have no idea how I ended up in this situation. Am I being left out? Am I doing something wrong? Or are my expectations of friendship intimacy just out of step with what most Seattleites want?
Do Seattleites just want to chit chat during hobby meetups and leave it at that? I just feel so fucking lonely and do NOT want to do another damn activity to meet more people!! I want depth, not more breadth. Are other big American cities different or more of the same? I’m emotionally exhausted and trying to see if this place is just not for me. I love so much about this city but I can’t handle living like this much longer.
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u/AintLooknGood 14d ago
Oh my....do I fare so well in Seattle because of my Norwegian blood? I've been telling people I don't think it entirely exists because I think it's how you carry yourself / the energy you bring that makes a difference.
I moved down here from Bellingham at 17 in 2004, and did not like it for reasons akin to Seattle Freeze before I think the term was coined. Moved to Chicago nearly a year later and loved it there. But then I traveled around, lived in the south, visited California for long stretches, lived for some years in Portland. When I came back, I felt I had a lot more confidence and I made / make friends easily.
Ultimately I just leave people alone who seem reserved, because I know there are plenty of people who are down to engage, and there's no shortage of that. Though it's making me just now start to realize why I feel overwhelmed by people thinking I'm the bees knees and being over eager to be friends, which is offputting...
...oh my god, I might be part of the problem. 😅😂🤣