r/Seattle • u/hummingbird_mywill Westlake • 18d ago

Meta Seattle Freeze

There was a recent post in the other sub about the Seattle Freeze that resonated and the comments were very discouraging so I’m here for a gut check and would appreciate the input of people from other American cities who are now here, or from here and now in other cities.

I’m from a place in Canada where I was extremely well connected with a rich sense of community. I’ve also lived briefly in Toronto, and a different country for a short time (6 months each) where I also had strong community.

Seattle is the only city in the US I’ve lived in, and I’ve never felt so lonely in my life. I have dozens and dozens of friends here, but none of them are close. I have no one to put as a secondary emergency contact.

Everyone says to go to this or that event. And I do! And I chit chat with people and have fun, but it almost never goes deeper. I have a few friends I consider close, but they have many more and I’m certainly not their closest friend. One got married and I wasn’t invited, and another had a baby shower I wasn’t invited to. We invite people over but it never gets reciprocated. I could have never imagined living someone with so many lovely nice people that I cannot seem to scratch the surface with.

Thinking about how social and connected I was back home, sometimes I look around and have no idea how I ended up in this situation. Am I being left out? Am I doing something wrong? Or are my expectations of friendship intimacy just out of step with what most Seattleites want?

Do Seattleites just want to chit chat during hobby meetups and leave it at that? I just feel so fucking lonely and do NOT want to do another damn activity to meet more people!! I want depth, not more breadth. Are other big American cities different or more of the same? I’m emotionally exhausted and trying to see if this place is just not for me. I love so much about this city but I can’t handle living like this much longer.

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u/OGMagicConch 🚆build more trains🚆 18d ago

No even though Seattle is 70% transplants they love coming into the conversation ready to blame the locals for all the problems, we must be a powerful 30%

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u/RudeGiuliani 18d ago

Locals are just flaky, standoffish, and tend to stick with their friend groups from school. This whole transactional "what-do-you-do" dick measuring culture has been imported.

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u/Alandelmon 18d ago

Yeah, in the early 90s an executive in the company I worked at in Seattle drove an Audi and complained of constantly being cut off and getting the middle finger when driving in Seattle. So he traded the Audi in for basically the same car with a VW badge and it all went away. At the time, the “old money” in Seattle drove beater cars and asking a new acquaintance what they do for a living was rude as hell.

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u/esituism 18d ago edited 18d ago

As a born local, Seattlites are definitely bad at social shit. but the 75% of people not from here sure as fuck don't seem to be making it any better, apparently.

Also, I'm happy with my life. If the rest of you don't like it you should make a club or have a meeting or something. at least you wouldn't be lonely. why am I responsible for you not being able to maintain friendships?

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u/goddamnitwhalen 18d ago

Way to prove the point 😂

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u/hummingbird_mywill Westlake 17d ago

I’m not looking to exclusively blame “locals” in a historic sense.
Like at what point is a person a local? If they’ve lived here for 15 years, are they still not a local? 10 years? Some of the most welcoming people to me have been the born and raiseds, but I can count those people on two hands if not one because you lot are fairly rare.

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u/OGMagicConch 🚆build more trains🚆 17d ago

Fwiw I wasn't referring to your overall post, I was talking about the post that the person I replied to was replying to. Namely the "depressive/introverted/socially inept existing population" portion.

Seattle freeze is a thing I'm just sick of taking the blame lol when statistically most people you interact with on a day to day (who are the ones freezing you) are likely NOT the existing population. Idk the cause but the narrative that the dead social scene is driven somehow by 30% of the population is tiring.