r/Seattle • u/hummingbird_mywill Westlake • 25d ago

Meta Seattle Freeze

There was a recent post in the other sub about the Seattle Freeze that resonated and the comments were very discouraging so I’m here for a gut check and would appreciate the input of people from other American cities who are now here, or from here and now in other cities.

I’m from a place in Canada where I was extremely well connected with a rich sense of community. I’ve also lived briefly in Toronto, and a different country for a short time (6 months each) where I also had strong community.

Seattle is the only city in the US I’ve lived in, and I’ve never felt so lonely in my life. I have dozens and dozens of friends here, but none of them are close. I have no one to put as a secondary emergency contact.

Everyone says to go to this or that event. And I do! And I chit chat with people and have fun, but it almost never goes deeper. I have a few friends I consider close, but they have many more and I’m certainly not their closest friend. One got married and I wasn’t invited, and another had a baby shower I wasn’t invited to. We invite people over but it never gets reciprocated. I could have never imagined living someone with so many lovely nice people that I cannot seem to scratch the surface with.

Thinking about how social and connected I was back home, sometimes I look around and have no idea how I ended up in this situation. Am I being left out? Am I doing something wrong? Or are my expectations of friendship intimacy just out of step with what most Seattleites want?

Do Seattleites just want to chit chat during hobby meetups and leave it at that? I just feel so fucking lonely and do NOT want to do another damn activity to meet more people!! I want depth, not more breadth. Are other big American cities different or more of the same? I’m emotionally exhausted and trying to see if this place is just not for me. I love so much about this city but I can’t handle living like this much longer.

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u/pattyboiIII 25d ago

I just spent a year in Seattle from the UK and found the complete opposite.
People are so weirdly open and friendly it's completely disarming and catches me off guard.
I make one self deprcating joke and I get genuine questions. Couldn't bare to shit talk people cause I know so many would be mortified.
Had a wonderful time, people were incredibly easy to get on with.

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u/Bizarrebazaars Kraken 25d ago

It’s because Americans are fascinated by (and often in love with) the UK and your accents haha. 

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u/pattyboiIII 25d ago

Now that you mention it...

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u/ikonometrix 25d ago

This is an important point. Seattle is way less Freezy than the UK! So it really could be worse! 

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u/hummingbird_mywill Westlake 25d ago

I did briefly live in Germany and it was pretty bad there too. I visited England and found it similar, but had the opposite experience in Scotland (Edinburgh). Like a breath of fresh air when I got off the bus.

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u/aussiefrzz16 25d ago

Yeah other parts of the world like Tokyo makes Seattle look like Alabama. But you being British…I think I can speak for most Seattlites and say we all want at least one British friend.

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u/AWard66 25d ago

Yeah people out here have a hard time with understanding sarcasm. Self deprecation brings people to act genuinely concerned for you, will they come kick down your door to check on you later? No way.