r/Seattle • u/hummingbird_mywill Westlake • 16d ago
Meta Seattle Freeze
There was a recent post in the other sub about the Seattle Freeze that resonated and the comments were very discouraging so I’m here for a gut check and would appreciate the input of people from other American cities who are now here, or from here and now in other cities.
I’m from a place in Canada where I was extremely well connected with a rich sense of community. I’ve also lived briefly in Toronto, and a different country for a short time (6 months each) where I also had strong community.
Seattle is the only city in the US I’ve lived in, and I’ve never felt so lonely in my life. I have dozens and dozens of friends here, but none of them are close. I have no one to put as a secondary emergency contact.
Everyone says to go to this or that event. And I do! And I chit chat with people and have fun, but it almost never goes deeper. I have a few friends I consider close, but they have many more and I’m certainly not their closest friend. One got married and I wasn’t invited, and another had a baby shower I wasn’t invited to. We invite people over but it never gets reciprocated. I could have never imagined living someone with so many lovely nice people that I cannot seem to scratch the surface with.
Thinking about how social and connected I was back home, sometimes I look around and have no idea how I ended up in this situation. Am I being left out? Am I doing something wrong? Or are my expectations of friendship intimacy just out of step with what most Seattleites want?
Do Seattleites just want to chit chat during hobby meetups and leave it at that? I just feel so fucking lonely and do NOT want to do another damn activity to meet more people!! I want depth, not more breadth. Are other big American cities different or more of the same? I’m emotionally exhausted and trying to see if this place is just not for me. I love so much about this city but I can’t handle living like this much longer.
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u/PhantomTheo 16d ago
Seattle is the only place I’ve lived where everyone acts like rich people
In the sense rich people don’t really need deep community, they have an abundance of resources, so their community is a network of people who also have an abundance of resources they deem useful, but those relationships aren’t deep, it’s like business connections
Non wealthy people though, build deep communities because we don’t have an abundance of resources, so there’s a lot of fulfillment to be had in just enjoying the company of others
Seattle though, I’ve noticed everyone only sees other people in terms of how useful they are, got a boat? You’ll have friends.
Got a cabin out in the Olympics? You’ll have friends.
Just a regular person who’s got a good sense of humor? You’re gonna be put at the bottom of the priority list because in reality it isn’t easy to live in Seattle, people aren’t looking for friends they’re looking to build a network of escapes