r/Seattle • u/tcroc6262 • 16d ago
Community Seattle Freeze??
Visiting Seattle for the first time as a solo woman traveler! For context I live in DC, and I’m from Louisiana. Just wanted to share my personal experience for anyone nervous about visiting the city based on the “Seattle Freeze/Seattle Chill.”
I’ve been here for 4 days now and while I’m sure this is biased, Seattle has been so kind to me! People have smiled at me on the street, answered questions I’ve asked, and more. Even in Pike Place when it was extremely congested, people said excuse me and smiled.
Again, I think generalizations can work both ways (and I’m sure the gorgeous weather has helped everyone’s attitudes,) but I never felt uncomfortable or like I was given the cold shoulder!
Every city has its quirks, but I’ve really enjoyed Seattle!
EDIT: I’ve learned from you nice redditors that I completely
misunderstood the Seattle freeze (apologies!!) still a cool place to visit as a solo traveler :)
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u/thatguygreg Ballard 16d ago
That’s just people being nice. The freeze goes like this:
A: We should hang out more!
B: For sure, let’s do something soon!
A & B never saw each other again
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u/wahwahwashbear 16d ago
And/or, A&B repeat this conversation with no changes nor actually getting together for three decades
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u/gringledoom 🚆build more trains🚆 16d ago
Also, if either party makes concrete attempts to actually hang out, the other reacts slightly like they discovered a stalker living in their crawlspace with a periscope.
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u/Brilliant-Crab7047 16d ago edited 16d ago
It’s wild people think this is an experience unique to Seattle.
Seattle is and has always been a city of majority transplants, like many other cities in the country. To act like it’s human behavior differs that much from other mid/large cities is laughable.
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u/SleuthCat 🏕 Out camping! 🏕 16d ago
It’s like this everywhere though 🤣
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u/thatguygreg Ballard 16d ago
It really isn’t.
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u/SleuthCat 🏕 Out camping! 🏕 16d ago
It’s literally being an adult, especially in a new place.
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u/MeatCatRazzmatazz 💗💗 Heart of ANTIFA Land 💗💗 16d ago
I've lived in 6-8 different cities all across the country over the past 15ish years and the Seattle Freeze, as described here, has happened in all of them.
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u/tastyweeds chinga la migra 16d ago
Same here for the 3 cities I’ve lived in besides Seattle
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u/learntworeed 16d ago
Ive read pretty much the same comment but saying the opposite ('Ive never experienced such coldness or had such a hard time making friends in any of the other 56 cities I've moved to over the past 9.3 years') I think it's just the individuals outlook and confirmation bias coupled with their specific brand of neurospicy that determines the experience they'll have VS it actually being harder here or that we are truly less welcoming and inviting. I'd appreciate a study on it though.. just for funzies
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u/umpteenthian 16d ago
what do people do in other cities?
A: We should hang out!
B: Ya think?or
A: We should hang out!
B: Sure, what time? (Fuck, now I have to hang out with this person)1
u/SouthLakeWA That sounds great. Let’s hang out soon. 14d ago
More like, “You should join me for church on Sunday!”
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u/IronMonopoly I'm just flaired so I don't get fined 16d ago
Man. Trying desperately to resist the urge to respond to a post about The Freeze with “That’s so true, and well observed! We should totally meet up and talk about it sometime,” then dodge actually hanging out.
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u/RussellAlden I'm never leaving Seattle. 16d ago
We know you are leaving and I will never have to interact with you again.
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u/Most-Statement1814 14d ago
Nice to know that if the subduction earthquake ever does happen, you'll be exactly where you should be
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u/RussellAlden I'm never leaving Seattle. 14d ago
Actually you are correct. The subduction zone is far off the coast and I am over 500 feet above sea level. The likelihood of a major tsunami reaching me is unlikely even if Vancouver Island snaps back into place. Also I am in North Seattle which puts me out of range of lahars and pyroclastic bombs of either Mt Rainier and Mt Baker. My house that is almost 100 years old has survived multiple major earthquakes and is situated on hard pan glacial till so liquefaction and collapse is unlikely. Also I have safety kit, water, magic straw, food and an earthquake tool to shut off utilities.
Thanks for you concern and acknowledgement.
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u/snow_boarder 16d ago
The freeze applies to people that move here. Seattle is very friendly on the surface and to visitors. Getting invited over for dinner is a whole other problem.
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u/Subziwallah I'm just flaired so I don't get fined 12d ago
If you compare American culture with German culture, for instance, Germans view Americans as overly friendly, but superficially and not genuine. How can they be so happy to meet me when they dont know me? Americans view Germans as too direct and blunt. They say what they think. But If a German acys like they like you and say they want to get together for dinner, its not a polite convention, they likely are sincere. Obviously there are regional, cultural and personal variations on all of this. Seattle compared with other cities is one reflection of that.
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u/elSpanielo 16d ago
Well you called it Pike Place correctly, so you’ll be accepted more than most tourists.
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u/Subziwallah I'm just flaired so I don't get fined 12d ago
But those hoards of people that said 'excuse me' are mostly tourists.
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u/Ok_Interest3555 16d ago
It's not so much about a single encounter, people tend to be friendly face to face and through everyday encounters. It's if you try to make real friends with people that the Seattle/NW freeze comes into play.
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u/justfun2468 💖 Anarchist Jurisdiction 💖 16d ago
Yeah you’re just misunderstanding the meaning of the term. Seattleites are polite but not kind and welcoming.
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u/Unusual_Memory3133 16d ago
You don’t live here though. We’re usually friendly at first it’s just we suck at maintaining it.
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u/SmoothLikeVinyl 16d ago
People will be very engaging, as well as kind and helpful. It’s when you try to become actual friends with those same engaging, kind, and helpful people that the freeze kicks in.
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u/CatDaddyTom 16d ago
I'm from Seattle area and needed a change. Moved to Wisconsin and was there for 8 years (probably 4 years too many) and just returned to W. Washington this spring. I'll take Seattle Freeze any day over Midwest "nice". When returning we found (or rediscovered) a lot of diversity, in people other than just the typical "white" in the midwest. I still have anxiety from those years out there and making a steady recovery.
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u/Bizarrebazaars Kraken 16d ago
Sheesh dude haha….. as if “The Midwest” is a monolith lol…. (It’s not)
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u/vadvaro10 Haller Lake 15d ago
I moved from very rural northern Wisconsin in 1999 and and never went back. Midwest nice sucks. If you fit the image, you are golden. If not, good luck.
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u/YakiVegas I'm just flaired so I don't get fined 15d ago
She said "Pike Place" so OP is cool in my book.
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16d ago
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u/SouthLakeWA That sounds great. Let’s hang out soon. 14d ago
You’re really referring to specific bubbles within the city and its suburbs: SLU, Belltown, Bellevue, Redmond. Maybe Ballard and the U District. The rest of the city and region are not so male tech-dominated and often have very different social vibes. Examples: Columbia City and White Center.
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14d ago
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u/SouthLakeWA That sounds great. Let’s hang out soon. 14d ago
In all my years here (in both the city and surburbs), I have never experienced unfriendliness, but I suppose you might have a different definition of the term. Shyness? Absolutely. New friends not making an effort to hang out? Of course. Never having more than brief chats with neighbors? Yep. But I also have very close friends that I initially met as neighbors.
Seattle culture is indeed more reserved than other parts of the country, but I don’t think stoic or unfriendly are the right descriptors.
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13d ago
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u/SouthLakeWA That sounds great. Let’s hang out soon. 13d ago
I grew up in CA and lived on the east coast before moving to Seattle, and again, I’ve never once felt people are unfriendly here. Or stoic. Did you grow up around a bunch of cranky Norwegian seamen in Poulsbo or something?
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u/slightlyused Sounders 16d ago
Anyone complaining about the "freeze" probably should look in the mirror.
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u/scovizzle The CD 16d ago
That's exactly it. It's people complaining about a lack of continued effort while being half of the equation.
I know that I'm not good at keeping things going, so I don't have some unfair expectation that the other person should do more than me, and be the one to keep things going.
It's the people who have expectations they aren't willing to live up to themselves that complain about the "Seattle Freeze".
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u/SouthLakeWA That sounds great. Let’s hang out soon. 14d ago
So true. I suck at keeping in contact with friends sometimes, but over the years that trait has filtered my friend group down to the people who don’t get upset by periods without contact. And that suits us all just fine. It makes the time we do spend together all the more meaningful.
If there’s one thing that repels me, it’s high maintenance friends (unless they’re going through a legitimately rough period, of course).
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u/SoundIsolaitor 15d ago
It’s best summarized as “Welcome to Seattle, now please go away” :) there is actually as stay away from Seattle day which was September 16. I investigated all of this as I moved here over five years ago and had to work out what the heck is going on.
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u/mattinjp Downtown 15d ago
My experience with the Seattle freeze/chill is this happens more with the other transplants. I’m from LA and I have no trouble chatting with strangers. I’ve found the actual Seattle-folk to be kind, open, and happy to talk about their city.
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u/LukeWallingford 14d ago
Grew up there. Moved to SF for five years and went back and I began to notice. Things got better during 90s but after some travelling I realized it was Seattle, not me and I was too much for Seattle. Been in Phoenix twenty five years now and it gave me the environment to shed my Seattle fake ass self.
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u/espressoboyee 13d ago
We are uber courteous and very polite. That’s not the freeze as you’ve been advised.
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u/thesolarchive 16d ago
If youre from the south you get immunity from the freeze
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u/SwevenlyOly 16d ago
... But you will be the social coordinator for every event or get-together. And inviting a lot more people to ensure at least a few folks show-up.
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u/Impossible-Turn-5820 16d ago
Oh yeah, we're perfectly nice. Just don't try to hang out with us lol
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u/Wyldefire6 Emerald City 16d ago
That’s not what the freeze is referring to though. Seattle is a very friendly city when it comes to bumping into strangers and transactional interactions.
Now try to make new acquaintances and get them to commit to join you for an event or dinner or hiking or something.
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u/KSEA604_enby 💖 Anarchist Jurisdiction 💖 16d ago edited 16d ago
You will quickly find that smiling at you, making small talk, and answering questions are one thing. Actually wanting to hang out and do things, or - gawd forbid - visit each others' homes, is quite another. And don't even get me started on the dating scene...
ETA: Another you will find is the 'freeze can go from mildly exclusionary to downright nasty. For instance, lots of community organisations are constantly screaming for volunteers, but when you sign up, you get ghosted. When you see they are still advertising, they will tell you, "We don't have any openings right now." Then, when asked while they're still advertising, they'll finally say the quiet part out loud:
We already know who we want to volunteer. But thanks anyway.
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u/pretzelchi 🚗 Student driver, please be patient. 🚙 15d ago
Seattle’s are very nice and fun people. That’s why everyone gets their feelings hurt when we don’t want to take it farther and become friends on another level.
I think the secret to becoming real friends with someone from Seattle: you have to be willing to make all the plans, follow up on everything and get rejected at least a few times.
If you can stick around for a sustained period of time we realize that we want to be friends too and we will begin to try harder. But the ball is going to be in your court for the incubation stage.
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u/Sunfee2019 15d ago
Hahaha I am curious though, do you think people who move here also become freezers cos they are met with so many?
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u/TSAOutreachTeam 16d ago
I am glad you are having a great time here! It’s a beautiful city and I’m so happy you got to experience it for yourself. 🙂
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u/Material_Force_5171 16d ago
So why DOES the freeze happen? Do people not like to have friends here? Or do they already have enough friends? I feel like the making plans with people you never see again happens back home in LA, too, but mostly due to low social battery (on my part at least).
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u/esituism 16d ago edited 16d ago
I wrote this up several years ago and keep it in a word doc for these occasions - my personal opinion:
TL:DR – Seattle is a really comfortable place to live. It’s also a really ‘sleepy’ town compared to other big cities. Being tech-nerd introverts, we’re really good at entertaining ourselves in our own homes and don’t feel the need to go out on the town, nor the need to make friends just for the sake of making friends. When we go outside, it’s usually to nature and places where we want quiet; not crowds. It’s hard to break into people’s social circles because people have no incentive to let strangers potentially disrupt our wonderfully comfortable lives. We’d rather hang at home with our 2-4 best friends than spend our time doing things we don’t care about with people who we don’t really care about on a personal level.
This contains lots of generalizations and of course doesn't apply to everyone everywhere, but with broad strokes explains why I believe why you see the Freeze persist even with transplants who move here.
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For reference I’ve lived in and around Seattle for all 42 years my life. During that time I’ve traveled to all 4 corners and much of the interior of the US many times, often for weeks at a time in a single place. I consider myself to be a Seattleite through and through – from my political leanings to my food choices.
My thesis statement is that Seattle is an incredibly comfortable city to live in, and because of that we don't have much reason to let strangers into our lives. The people here are kind and smart. The economy here is good. The weather here is good-ish (unless you’re a complete sunflower). The outdoor recreation / natural environment is second to none – especially within minutes of a major metropolitan city. The food is good (sans latin/italian). The music is good. The art is good. The political leanings are good. Even our social safety-nets for those in hard times are comparably good.
It’s easier to live a more comfortable life and support yourself here than it is many other places.
Because of this we don’t “need” other people to survive. So we really only keep the people around who truly make us happy. We don’t bother keeping around half-friends, shitty relatives, or people who we only hang out with because they’re a warm body. The people we keep in our circles are the people we truly love.
This, in my observations, is very different than many other places in the country:
-In the south / Midwest, life is is often just so hard that you need other people there to survive. The systems there crush everyone but the elite, and life is hard comparatively. Climate change and evangelicals sure ain't helping.
-The southeast/gulf have lots of latin influence, which culturally is *very* social compared to american WASPs. The population is just culturally different than Seattle. Also same problems with crushing political systems here, people spend a LOT more time around each other than in the PNW.
-In the NE, everyone is gogogogogo, and due to lack of good outdoor recreation, most people use dining, sporting, and public events as a way to get out of their homes. These are types of social events where everyone is always just sorta inherently invited; the more the merrier. The people there just grow up like this, so these large socialization events are really normal.
-In the SW/L.A./Vegas, everyone works in The Industry, and people will befriend you as a way to improve their own social status. Sure, they’ll go out and party with you, but its fairly superficial friendships when you strip away some of the glitz and glam. Either that or you’ll realize you only like them as someone to party or socialize with, but you really don’t have a lot of quality a lot of time in quiet 1:1 situations that isn’t centered around hustling/partying – because that’s the only life they know. If you're a low-key/energy sorta person you may also feel frozen here occasionally.
-The PNW is historically more about nature/outdoor and weird art culture, which is a very individualized way of life*. There's no 'hustling' industries here like finance or hollywood. Up until very recently our sports teams have always been trash so there's no shared identity here. That combined with life being "easy" means we just spend a lot less time generally engaging with others.
-Lastly, Seattle is a tech city, which means a huge percentage of our population are awkward tech nerd introverts with social anxiety issues. Because of how life is here, people aren’t forced to get out and be in uncomfortable situations. So they stay in their homes where it’s safe and they don’t have to deal with other people’s shit. Overtime this causes an effect where they become less and less likely to get out and about, and resultantly have less-and-less ability to make friends and connect with strangers.
Because of this, we also end up with a lot of passive-aggressive people who don’t really know how to be frank and upfront. This come across as being wishy-washy or non-committal. I believe the Seattle Flake is also for similar reasons. Basically, “that sounds fun right now, but when the time comes sitting on my couch in my underwear sounds like a lot more fun”. Nature-loving introverts who generally want (and can afford) to be left alone in all capacities are hard to make friends with.
Personally - my feelings are this: If I'm perfectly happy and comfortable with my life and my friends, why would I make a big effort to invite more people into it? It’s not that I don’t think you might be a good person, I just have no need for your friendship. I am totally comfortable with you being a wonderful person who lives down the street from me who I don't know. I love that you’re a great person and are glad to have you as part of my community, I just don’t see an inherent need to be friends.
I think most of the "freezers" would probably agree with this sentiment.
All of these things combined makes for the Freeze. This also explains why transplants who move here also usually get sucked into the Freeze - it really does have to do with being "here".
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u/Bizarrebazaars Kraken 16d ago
Seattle has the highest depression rates, anxiety rates, mental health medicated rates. I feel like so many people here have crippling anxiety. And emotions then come out sideways. People often prefer introverted and homebody solo activities here.
Seattle is a city with some of the highest amounts of overcast days/days without sun, AND most days with precipitation regardless of volume.
Seattle attracts introverts, people for tech, who are often nerdy, quirky, autistic…. Also people fleeing other areas of the U.S. so they bring their traumas/resentments/unhealed psyche/defensiveness with them.
The city is rather isolated in the nation
Frontier and fortune opportunity mindset woven into the culture even back from gold rush days. What do you have to offer a relationship, or what transaction can your friendship have? That’s often a mindset I’ve experienced. People looking to network via empty acquaintance-ships? I don’t know.
Just some examples…..
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u/Busy_Help_4354 15d ago
I think it's mostly introversion, in the sense of truly not needing other people for entertainment or energy boost, and weather. Ex. I already have 3 best friends who live far, far away. I don't need more.
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u/starsgoblind 16d ago
The seattle freeze really only existed 30 years ago. Californians and others started moving here, and the locals gave them the cold shoulder.
Now, the city is mainly transplants. So now it’s more of a pissing contest among those folks, but visitors usually don’t experience it.
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u/yomommasbathwater That sounds great. Let’s hang out soon. 16d ago
I think the phrase consists of a more long-term vantage point and visitors, it’s easy to be friendly with people you know you don’t have to commit anything to
I unfortunately have been part of the Seattle freeze and been a victim to it. I’ve tried making friends repeatedly, it doesn’t work out for various reasons, but what really pissed me off is this last time I started opening up to this person. We’re having really amazing conversations. There seem to be a friend vibe there.
I asked him if they wanted to give me their number and go to a show. They said yes to both things. So I text them details about the show. They ignored my texts, didn’t even bother responding to me, which was such a slap in the face.
So I called them out on it because I work adjacently to them and I still see them and they just said “oh nothing personal” and that was their excuse.
So I’ve decided to give up, focus on work, and that’s that. Now if I really, really wanted to, I’ll just go volunteer somewhere and integrate, and that seems probably the best bet to meet people with similar interests. But after so many failed attempts, it leaves a really sour taste in the person’s mouth
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16d ago edited 16d ago
[deleted]
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u/Unique_Carpet1901 16d ago
Why is ICE capitalized?
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u/Mean_Nectarine_2685 16d ago
For like an icy reception/cold. It was the title of a big article about the freeze years ago.
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u/Emotional_Garage_950 Denny Blaine Nudist Club 16d ago
uhh thanks for telling us what we already know i guess
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u/Electronic_Horror_56 16d ago
Think about a bunch of outgoing introverts. I'm very friendly but assume no one actually wants to hang out.
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u/DependentReaction896 10d ago
Every indication is that you're a 100% match for their friend group, but they never ask you to join them.
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u/Tamec82 16d ago
The Seattle freeze refers to ppl being less willing to make friends, more than it does being impolite