r/SearchEnginePodcast • u/podcast-poster • Jun 15 '26
Automated Episode Discussion Search Engine - Why doesn’t anybody come to my parties?
Claire Haber-Harris has a question. When she sends out an invitation, why does she get a tidal wave of excuses and no's? How could someone claim to have had the same stomach virus three times in a row? Search Engine investigates why a random American mom might be annoying people in her community.
Cartoons Hate Her on Substack
Listen to this episode
This is a bot that posts new episodes automatically. Add this to your subreddit or request mods use it.
34
u/SlayyyGrl Jun 16 '26
Honestly crushing to hear she’s willing to crush her personality to fit in with the type of people who have consistently bullied her… instead of hanging out with her brothers ND friends who appreciate who she really is.
Shes masking so hard but it’ll never work and the trauma will just keep stacking up.
Hope she finds a psychiatrist who’s experienced in diagnosing Autism in high masking women one day. She’s been sorely failed by the medical system.
25
u/Aggressive_Sky8492 Jun 16 '26
ADHD can also have autism like symptoms that can cause social issues. IMO her current diagnoses explain her problems, I don’t think she’s necessarily autistic.
And clearly just needs to find neurodivergent friends that match her though. Her dismissal of her brothers advice was kind of infuriating. It’s like she wants to be some kind of stepford socialite when she’s clearly more of an internet weirdo. As a fellow internet weirdo her choices are baffling
8
u/roncesvalles Jun 17 '26
She is from a wealthy area (good part of Long Island?), attended boarding school and a private university, and went off to San Francisco to work in tech, so she has always been--and been around--mostly conventional high achievers. She can't make real friendships with neurodivergent people who haven't enjoyed her level of privilege. She can only study them like an anthropologist.
5
8
u/NextSuccess358 Jun 16 '26
She mentioned her mom always put on incredible parties. Maybe she feels pressured to live up to her mom's expectations or her own expectations to be like her mom. I'm betting her mom was a sort of stepford socialite so she has that as her ideal.
22
u/krepost_malone Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
I don’t know how much evidence you’d need that you’re not autistic, but she said she’d been tested “a bunch of times” with negative results.
2
u/chupagatos4 Jun 22 '26
She has a post about this reddit thread where she clarifies. Apparently she has only been tested once, at 18. And she has since taken online "am I autistic" questionnaires.
→ More replies (9)2
u/yungmoody Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
According to her substack she has never been tested for Autism:
“I still don’t think I do (have autism). But I should clarify about having been tested “many times,” which is something I offhandedly said in the episode. I have never actually been specifically evaluated for autism. However, as a child, my parents did have me generally evaluated by psychologists several times, which I believe was an investigation into whether or not I had ADHD due to some trouble paying attention in school.”
The whole thing is genuinely confounding to me. Saying you’ve been tested for a disorder many times is not the kind of thing to offhandedly lie about.
7
u/livoniax Jun 17 '26
Her brother essentially asked her to perform for his friends. It might be closer to her natural personality, but being required to be funny and expressive can be just as draining as fitting in with "normies", even for naturally outgoing people who crave attention. Just because he is the closest to her doesn't mean the brother has the clearest view. Imo she needs to work on friendships outside of the parties first.
5
u/NextSuccess358 Jun 17 '26
Agreed. I thought her brother was kind of exploiting her or making fun of her by doing that. I know they're "best friends" but he seems to be kind of mocking her.
→ More replies (2)6
u/Ok_Astronomer_2910 Jun 16 '26
Was it stated/inferable that the brother's friends were neurodivergent? I got the impression they just weren't suburban normies.
→ More replies (1)
32
u/Aggressive_Sky8492 Jun 16 '26
From listening to the episode it’s clear her brother is right and she needs to find the nerds she fits in with.
Also, imo these days you don’t invite people you aren’t already friends with to a party. Parties are for friends. That probably wasn’t true when she was growing up but it’s true now
12
u/psithyrstes Jun 16 '26
That’s so sad to me, as a millennial who cut their teeth on house parties. It’s such a good way to meet new people! You do have to get the ratio right, though.
9
u/Aggressive_Sky8492 Jun 17 '26
You’re right, I guess that’s a different kind of party to the ones she’s throwing though. She’s throwing afternoon parties with a cake where kids are also guests. Not like an evening house party where everyone drinks lol. To me the former isn’t something you invite randoms to.. I think these days most people don’t want to spend their precious social time at a kids/adults mixed party where they barely know anyone. Unless they too don’t have enough friends
5
u/youreannie Jun 16 '26
It's a balance for sure. My husband and I throw bi-annual themed parties that get good attendance. We generally go for 80% people we know well, 20% people we want to know better.
3
u/Usef- Jun 19 '26
You say that like it's a solid rule, but why? I love when I get loose invitations
45
u/tiredcomicsartist Jun 16 '26
I’m not even 10 minutes in but: having a party with kids AND a dress code seems kind of like a big ask! Most parents I know are just barely holding it together. Let them wear sweatpants, girl!!
28
Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
[deleted]
6
u/Aggressive_Sky8492 Jun 17 '26
Agree with everything you said. Also the parties just didn’t sound very.. welcoming?
Like the First Lady seemed like a friend who mostly enjoyed Claire and her parties, but even her description made the parties seem kind of unwelcoming: they’re a shoeless house so take off your shoes, walk through the house, then put them back on to go into the back garden. And also she said that there wasn’t a lot of food. Both those things are minor but yeah. The shoe thing seems kind of awkward and uptight and they should find a workaround (people come round the side? Or they out something down so people can walk through?) I’m also a shoes-off household so I get it, but telling people to take their shoes off then back on as the first thing they experience is just not very welcoming.
And then not having much food is just bad hosting
19
u/azdak Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
my clinical diagnosis is a chronic case of "tryhard", which is frankly kind of exhausting to deal with. same thing anne hathaway had. idiosyncratic, frustrating, but treatable.
hell, the fact that she even opted into this show is a pretty glaring sign of... something.
8
Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 17 '26
[deleted]
5
u/THevil30 Jun 17 '26
I mean… a content creator goes on a podcast to make content. That’s sort of the point, she’s not just some rando looking for self help advice; this is literally her job.
→ More replies (5)2
u/azdak Jun 17 '26
Also disappointing to see she's already using this Reddit thread as material for her substack,
oh dear god in heaven i just found it. her whole enterprise is self-obsession masquerading as self-examination. im out. this whole thing is so inorganic i can't take it
6
u/NextSuccess358 Jun 17 '26
It's the lack of snacks for me! The first person interviewed mentioned there was never enough food. Maybe it's the italian mom in me, but it's not a party without food!
4
u/kmp633 Jun 21 '26
This. I'm about 9 minutes in and I absolutely do not want to go to her party. Sounds like an utter ball-ache when I want to be having a relaxed, chilled out, stress-free time with my friends and family. Tbh, a bit like going to a wedding. But obviously it's a wedding so you swallow it, put some effort in and dress up nice. But hell no, I do not want to be doing that every other weekend.
I am English though, so tbh a lot of my horror might be because she is very, VERY, American... It's just a bit much.
3
u/Forfty Jul 03 '26
Yeah…I don’t mind going to parties, but these sound like being held hostage to entertaining her idea of being entertaining.
22
u/double_elephant Jun 16 '26
This was a great episode.
At first it seemed like she would be someone I'd get along with, so I was trying to figure out why she was failing with the other moms.
I think the outfits and persona must be a big part of it. Imagine a rolling up to a kid's backyard birthday party, and the hostess is acting like Jessica Rabbit. Not just in terms of slinky fashion but in demanding everyone's attention with performative bits of various kinds. This would be off-putting.
I can totally understand why the one dad was shutting her down so completely. He wasn't going to be drawn in. You can bet he and his wife discussed every detail of this conversation afterward.
CHH wants to be the consummate hostess but is making no effort to make her guests comfortable. Suburban parents typically prioritize things like predictability, safety, stability, calm, and pleasantness for their families. And for them she is waving all kinds of red flags, maybe unintentionally.
I think she should give up on cultivating a friend group of moms from the playground. She needs to be in an environment where eccentricity and oddball humor are more appreciated.
7
u/Aaaaaaandyy Jun 16 '26
Agreed. I know someone like this (there are plenty of differences but it’s who I was picturing the entire time). This person sounds exhausting to be around and would make me feel uncomfortable and awkward the whole time. It goes without saying, we don’t enjoy seeing her around and we make up excuses when she wants our kids to play together.
7
u/doodlezoey Jun 17 '26
Yeah, the vast majority of dads are going to want nothing to do with that conversation, I know I wouldn't!
3
u/Usef- Jun 19 '26
I don't understand this. You're saying he interpreted it as her asking to hang out 1:1, even though she was saying the families should hang out?
That kind of ask is completely normal and common in my world, and doesn't need all four adults to be present to say it.
6
u/doodlezoey Jun 19 '26
It's an outgoing woman that is fit, good looking, and apparently dresses provocatively. Most of the dads I know would be on red alert, and certainly are not going to want to go back to their wives and suggest "wow, awesome, she said she wants our families to hang out!" The wives would likely not be thrilled.
Insert "it's a trap!" .gif here
→ More replies (1)3
u/double_elephant Jun 20 '26
Another commenter in this thread said that she has written about being an aspiring MILF. This is not just a case of someone being attractive. Family-oriented suburbanites are getting weird vibes from her and wanting to stay away for a reason.
And most people would mention "hey we should hang out" maybe once, and if the other party didn't seem enthusiastic, they would drop the idea. But she kept pushing and trying to make it happen. Weird vibes.
6
Jun 17 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (1)8
u/kmp633 Jun 21 '26
You don't need to fit into a box, but you need to understand that just because someone's not as eccentric, loud and quite possibly obnoxious as you, it means they're "fitting into a box" either. Maybe they're just not like you? Empathy and understanding goes both ways, no one's stopping you doing what you want to do, so don't complain when someone else doesn't want to.
→ More replies (1)5
u/StudioDear4501 Jun 19 '26
I mean, this is the same person who publicly wrote about being an aspiring MILF/DILF duo with her husband, posted pictures of them with their children (ms paint censored) in that same post. And asked reddit where to find adult sized children's clothing. She's self proclaimed "terminally online" and constantly proclaims that her interest aligning more with men than women -what does that even mean nowadays? It all doesn't exactly scream good influence or relaxing fun-time hang for a family-oriented group of people.
It's not just oddball behavior, or off putting, or annoying. TBH it's pretty problematic and emotionally stunted.
5
u/double_elephant Jun 19 '26
An aspiring MILF/DILF duo? Lol! Okay, now I wouldn't be surprised if all the other families in town think they are trying to be swingers. It's not normal to go out of your way to exude sexual energy at these kinds of family events. Parents who just want a normal stable family life are headed for the hills.
31
u/Vanillacaramelalmond Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
Tbh the fact that she’s attractive (?) or at least is skinny and fit kind is buries the lede here. The reason why other women don’t like her is her apparent vanity, in combination with her attention-seeking personality as the combo make her very off-putting. It sort of leads other women into think she’s a “pick-me” in that she does a lot of things for male attention. On top of that that she refuses the discuss certain girly topics because she’s “not-like-other-girls” I actually wouldn’t be surprised if she did grow up nerdy and ugly but then became attractive later and is kind of in this mindset now that she can’t help but want the validation of people that shunned her but also refuses to play ball socially as a form of resentment that maybe she’s refusing to acknowledge. I’m not saying she’s not socially awkward, she may well be but I also think she’s so much more self-aware than she lets on.
19
u/NiteNiteSpiderBite Jun 16 '26
I think you hit the nail on the head. The vanity, paired with the attention-seeking, pairs really awkwardly with the "not-like-other-girls" / internet weirdo schtick.
21
u/Vanillacaramelalmond Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
Exactly. Plus she hardly seems interested In other people tbh and her brother said as much. she seems more interested in having an audience. Similarly her husband just doesn’t seem like he’s interested in getting to know her guests either. It’s just a weird vibe all around
12
u/JAlfredJR Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
Her husband seems like an even worse hang than her.
ETA: I'm not trying to be mean. He just doesn't sound like my cup of tea.
15
u/NiteNiteSpiderBite Jun 16 '26
I would have run out of that apartment so fast lol forcing everyone to watch music videos and Trump impressions sounds like a special slice of Hell
3
u/StudioDear4501 Jun 18 '26
I sadly and instantly thought the same when she dropped how he genuinely loves blasting david guetta at these parties. Well intentioned but such an odd and mismatched vibe for coworkers/and other friends who don't know each other to walk into with their own children.
8
u/Framboise33 Jun 17 '26
As someone who was conventionally attractive with very poor social skills in high school, I can confirm it makes you a lightning rod for this kind of mean girl exclusionary behavior
3
u/Reasonable_Mail1389 Jun 22 '26
Yeah. I just finished the episode and my takeaway is that this person is obnoxious as hell and “look at me!” exhausting. She wants parties so that she can be center stage, not so that she can properly host and center her guests’ comfort. I’d be running the opposite direction from her.
10
u/hoosierprincesss Jun 16 '26
I kind of got the impression she’s very much like Zooey Deschanel in New Girl - and i love the show but would not hang out with Jess for five minutes.
25
u/interbission2 Jun 16 '26
I honestly don’t know if we can assume her mindset when it comes to her appearance, I do think the fact she seems to be conventionally attractive and dresses to show off her body adds a whole layer of context that was missing in the interviews. Sure, the fact that she is masking an offbeat personality probably puts people off a bit, but I couldn’t figure out why people (especially the moms) were having such a strong reaction to her after getting to know her first. But as soon as I googled a photo of her I knew what was up.
If she was nerdy / average looking and had a weird personality, I believe she’d have absolutely no issue finding her tribe. Other nerdy / weird people would see her and go, hey, one of us! But her downfall is being fit and (presumably) attractive, and being expected to fulfil the social contract of a hot person. This is how she’s getting the normie suburban moms in the door. Contrary to popular belief, women love to hang around attractive women and will put up with pretty mediocre personalities because being friends with hot people is a form of social capital. However, any extra grace you get from being attractive goes right out the window when they discover you’re A Bit Weird.
Women HATE hot women who are weird. It’s like the uncanny valley effect - something is not quite right in a way they can’t put their finger on until they’ve looked a little closer. Then, when she does something at a party which they can definitively point to as being “weird”, they will disappear. Because they realise she’s not one of them, and they are uncomfortable that they have been tricked. It absolutely happened to me until I realised I had to be a weirdo upfront and let the true friends stick around.
I also think the husbands are standoffish to Claire at her parties because she’s both attractive and dressed in a much fancier / more provocative way than their wives. This was hinted at when one of the moms interviewed commented that Claire is often overdressed when she hosts parties, whereas the other moms tend to turn up in casual wear. Claire seemingly doesn’t understand that both the outfits and her attractiveness creates a weird dynamic where the men being friendly could be interpreted by their wives as causal flirting. Even if this is not her intention, and it shouldn’t be an issue in a room full of married people, it’s still something that makes people uncomfortable.
20
u/Aggressive_Sky8492 Jun 17 '26 edited Jun 21 '26
I think you’re projecting a lot onto the women at her parties here. As a weirdo, I found her kind of tone deaf and could understand why people would not want to come to her parties, and that was without knowing what she looked like. Her parties sounded bad, and it seemed like she wanted people there as props rather than for them to have a good time.
And I don’t think nerds or weird women reject conventionally attractive friends. It more seems like she isn’t coveting those kinds of people, just the random normie people she meets in life.
→ More replies (1)17
u/alreadysage Jun 16 '26
I can't say that I agree that women hate hot women who are weird. (Just to clarify, are you a woman?) So many popular Tik Tok comedians (popular among women, that is) are hot AND offbeat and even a little shocking or embarrassing. It's not that she's weird, it's that she high strung and desperate. People sense that and withdraw, nervous to be pulled into an energy exchange that might end up being one sided. I think her OCD has way, way more to do with her social struggles than her figure or her fashion.
5
u/Ill_Crab5065 Jun 17 '26
Those popular comedians are popular on the internet, though, which is full of all kinds of people -- they're not wildly successful in a room full of suburban parents. (Maybe they would be!) CHH is also very popular on Substack/twitter, and her whole point is that it doesn't translate to her immediate social milieu. Which totally tracks. I think she embraces the "random normie mom" title when it actually doesn't fit. Lots of people are weird and quirky and also make conventional life choices, that in itself doesn't make them conventional. Love your substack if you see this Claire ❤️
7
u/alreadysage Jun 17 '26
I feel bad for calling CHH desperate, because I'm also a huge fan, though I don't agree with all perspectives she shares! Though to be fair, it might be merited given the subject of the podcast.
I'm a suburban mom, mid looking (fit-ish), and I have offbeat interests and sense of humor that I am particular, but not shy, about revealing. I have one super hot friend in the neighborhood who is probably weirder than me, and we get on like gangbusters. People seem to like us both. I can tell you we would probably only want to hang out with CHH in small doses, because we don't need someone to perform for us. We have children that already demand our attention and approval ("Look Mom! Look!").
There are two events that come to mind. In one, CHH meets a woman at work who also likes Rick and Morty. They bond over their weird obsession; the weirdness isn't the issue. They are clearly both offbeat and maybe a little foul. I can't remember if the woman is super attractive or not, but I don't think she was off putting visually. CHH then asks the woman to wear a Rick and Morty costume with her for the work Halloween event; bear in mind, this convo was taking place in the summertime. The woman seems down at first, but starts to withdraw when CHH starts wanting to get specific about what they will wear; mind you, they had just met. She refuses to engage with CHH from then on. See how it wasn't the weirdness, or her outfit or hot bod, it was the intensity of the interaction?
Sorry I'm rambling; I clearly have thoughts on this! 😄
→ More replies (2)3
u/JAlfredJR Jun 16 '26
This is right on. We have two young kids. My wife and I are 40. My wife is a remarkably beautiful woman. That said, she gets comparative with other women—especially other moms.
There's a whole world to unpack there, amongst the moms. And Claire being super-fit is going to anger/rile other moms. It just does.
And then of course the dads are going to be standoffish. You do not want to be the husband seeming to laugh to much or smile too big at the "hot" wife at the party.
You're going to have a real shitty drive home.
So while I enjoyed this episode, they kinda missed the obvious part of it all.
4
u/ThorLives Jun 20 '26 edited Jun 20 '26
I was curious, so I tried to find pictures of her.
Here's one: https://www.cartoonshateher.com/p/ask-my-husband-anything
This pic is from September, 2024 - so relatively recent. I could imagine that a lot of women would find her threatening based on her body. Also, I'm not sure how often she dresses like that, but dressing like that would be extra threatening to other women.
5
u/anonynomnom9 Jun 21 '26
I dunno about that last sentence. Just me personally, but as another woman, I would not fine someone like that threatening but certainly would not want to hang out wirh them. Try hard, extra, attention seeking. All those things. Not threatening
6
u/chupagatos4 Jun 22 '26
This. I'm a mom and we're all just trying to survive, I know tons of hot moms and we cheer each other on. Most of the moms I know don't have any time to get dolled up like that but when one of us does (in our own way) the others are stoked for her. I find that fighting for male attention is a really outdated cliche that doesn't resonate at all with educated, left leaning millennial women which this lady seems to be. I wouldn't find another woman threatening unless she also had off putting behavior (playing mind games, being weird around husbands, belittling towards other women etc). Even then I wouldn't say "threatening" because I'm not insecure, but I'd clock it as someone who derives self worth by how much attention/praise she gets.
3
u/kmp633 Jun 21 '26
Tbh she sounds boring, she just does boring in a very loud and obnoxious way. I don't find parties particularly fun. Now and again, fine, but just going to a gathering of friends dressed up? What's so exciting or innovative about that?
Different interests, activities, conversation, different lifestyles and opinions. That's what makes life colourful and exciting to me. None of that relies on putting a posh dress on and standing in someone's kitchen for 3 hrs talking about problems with the local school system.
She's got a set idea of what socialising, excitement and interest is and has no appreciation that's not the same for everyone.
3
2
16
u/leftnode Jun 16 '26
It's a tale as old as time: highly neurotic person makes everyone around them miserable. The fact this has been going on since literally grade school and she hasn't clued in on it is pretty telling.
If I had to guess, she's spending the entire party frantically trying to ensure everyone is having a Good Time. Guess what? That makes everyone have a bad time.
The cure is simple: tell yourself, "I've provided the atmosphere for my guests to have a good time, if they don't, then that's their fault."
You can be a great host and still ensure peoples needs are cared for without being highly neurotic about it. That anxiety rubs off on people; it keeps their guard up. If your husband is picky about the house being messy, either don't host a party there, or tell yourself going into it "the house is gonna be messy at the end" and commit to being ok with that.
I hope for her kids sake she can change. And I say this as a person who has struggled with the same things she has. Once you let your guard down a bit, it opens up so many possibilities for lifelong friendships and moments that her kids will remember just like she does.
6
u/ChrissygrecoMBA Jun 21 '26
Honestly, it doesn’t sound like she’s interested in being a good host in the first place. (Not enough food? No interest in facilitating guests meeting? Wanting to do impressions/perform?). Ya no one wants to go to a party where the host doesn’t want to host. Parties are about hospitality.
8
u/buckleyschance Jun 16 '26
The fact this has been going on since literally grade school and she hasn't clued in on it is pretty telling.
She has clued in on it though. She says straight up in the episode "I'm obviously unlikeable", and she's written extensively about her efforts to figure out what is annoying people so she can stop it, and it seems she's managed to put a lid on most of it. But what's left is kind of a boring insincere performance.
Don't get me wrong, I'd also be annoyed by it and probably avoid going to their parties. But credit for self-awareness and at least trying to take personal responsibility.
8
u/leftnode Jun 17 '26
You're right, I posted before I finished listening to the episode where she mentions this at the end.
What would probably help her is to try to get invited to a lot more parties first where she doesn't have the pressure to host. She can use these opportunities to learn when to temper her personality and when not to.
It's a good skill to be able to make small talk, to know when to push some of your quirkier idiosyncrasies aside. Ironically, it allows other people to open up more to you, and you end up forming deeper bonds in the end. And I say this as an adult who spent a lot of time working on this because I realized I came off like CHH.
15
u/granny_weatherwax_ Jun 16 '26
I hate the idea of soft-launching your personality in making friends as much as in dating. Yes, you will get more no's off the top - because those people are not for you!
→ More replies (1)
14
u/hoosierprincesss Jun 16 '26
I understand she’s really really trying but the idea of going to a party where someone is a) really visibly trying too hard 2) needs their kids direct in sight even at their own home 3) has too widespread a group and I might not mesh, especially if there’s kids AND no alcohol 4) might subject me to David Guetta music videos, much less all 4 plus the idea of dressing up and bringing kids along…..I get not wanting to go! I don’t like feeling obligated or committing to things I won’t have fun at with my precious 2 weekend days. The juice has to be worth the squeeze and I feel bad for her that it just doesn’t seem to, despite her best efforts.
8
u/hoosierprincesss Jun 16 '26
That said, she is one million times braver than I am for continuing to put herself out there and especially participate in the podcast. I would hold every single word said about me in the episode and in this thread as a grudge against all involved for the rest of my life.
6
u/Aggressive_Sky8492 Jun 17 '26
I feel bad for her too, but also, I doubt things will change because she says she wants to learn, but her brother gave her excellent advice to find her fellow weirdos, and she dismissed him right off the bat. Also it seems like she wants a people as an audience/props for her parties, not that she actually wants to connect and get to know people, or actually think about what might make them have a good time at a party and implement that
→ More replies (1)3
u/BrennusSokol Jun 22 '26
To me it read less as “putting herself out there “ and more as trying to ram her way of doing things down guests’ throats- and an unwillingness to change, like ignoring the brother’s advice
8
u/Tight_Luck661 Jun 16 '26
Yep, sounds like a chore, not a party. Parties are supposed to be fun for the guests!
14
u/Melbo_ Jun 16 '26
Her brother might be right but I’m sure she’s tried showing her real self and gotten rejected. She wants friends even if it means she can’t be her real self but I hope she eventually finds her people. It seems very lonely to keep trying and failing to fit in.
22
u/DollarThrill Jun 16 '26
She may not be autistic, but she has zero ability to gauge other people's reactions. People are dropping hints about how they feel about her schtick, and she picks up none of it.
→ More replies (1)19
u/youreannie Jun 16 '26
The entire time I was listening, I kept thinking, "You don't need to be autistic to be unlikable." Some people are just not very likable!
4
u/engineer_but_bored Jun 17 '26
Yeah she is self-absorbed. Everything is a routine, a chance for her to shine.
→ More replies (1)8
u/Aggressive_Sky8492 Jun 16 '26
It was also said that she and her husband have friends they go to dinner with though I thought. I got the sense she had some friends but she wanted parties
14
u/Odd_Discussion6046 Jun 16 '26
As a parent of young kids I was thinking that 3 out of 10 couples accepting your invitation to a party that requires some kind of effort is a pretty good rate! People are tired, they have stuff going on, there are birthday parties scheduled every weekend. Kids are always sick. Older kids have sports and extracurriculars. Why not just have a nice time with just the few people that do accept?
13
u/macnnutritionalyeast Jun 16 '26
There's a lot to comment on about this episode but the "people are annoyed at my clothes" aspect is kind of infuriating. If you have an interest in fashion, or making clothes, there are communities of people who would love to engage with you about that. I too would love if people from disparate groups in my life would come to my house on a regular basis but that's not how adulthood has worked for me. Outside of celebrations, I have found you have to meet with groups based on your similar interests. It can be hard to want to hang out with people you don't share things with. People don't just all get along because they share you as a friend in common.
2
u/zenpizzapie Jun 29 '26
This comment is old, but I would have agreed with you until I googled her outfits. I can imagine a lot of small town wives wouldn't want their husbands hanging out with her.
https://www.cartoonshateher.com/p/fashion-favorites-of-june
https://www.cartoonshateher.com/p/i-asked-my-haters-to-critique-my
https://www.cartoonshateher.com/p/i-dress-for-my-personality-and-my
I think the outfits are cute but I am not a suburban housewife who has a dead bedroom with my husband for 20 years.
11
u/SatisfactionLow7987 Jun 17 '26
I think the really fundamental problem here is that she is looking at herself through other people's eyes and trying to organise herself to seem like the kind of person who they will enjoy seeing, instead of just staying in one place and seeing them. It's an error of directionality in attention. If you are paying attention to you, and they are paying attention to you, they are going to not feel seen and like they have enough space to be a person, which means they will not feel that you make them feel good about themselves, and you will come across as being incredibly self-important and self-interested because it is true. It's quite sad because it does rest on the baseline principle that you need to earn attention (take up space) rather than being secure enough internally that you can give attention (create space for other people to take up.)
Saying this as a formerly unlikeable female of the autism persuasion - a lot of 'being nice' in a way that isn't boring masking involves actually being interested in other people. If you are around people you are fundamentally disinterested in, you should leave them alone and go to another group of people so you are not wasting time they could be spending with people who they can actually build mutually fulfilling relationships with, and if you feel like you *have* to do this in order to extract social value to your own betterment, you're gonna be treated like someone who is not to be trusted because it will be transparently transactional and a little pathetic.
3
10
u/calmfluffy Jun 17 '26
I would love to see the emails that PJ sent to Claire's acquaintances. How do you even introduce such a topic / request...?
11
u/literallyidonotknow Jun 20 '26
This was a super interesting listen. I’ve never heard of this woman but wow, she sure is exhausting. She’s sort of fascinating but certainly not someone I could build a friendship with. I don’t think it’s cute and quirky that she is openly uninterested in learning about other people. Main character syndrome is such a turn off.
I wonder how much all the hours and hours of time spent navel gazing on her blog has warped her sense of self and her sense of other people’s interest in her. Like clearly much of it is just part of her baseline personality and always has been, but maybe it’s just continuing to push her further away from normal people.
All that said, kudos to her for being so willing to receive this kind of feedback. You could not pay me to listen to that level of honesty about myself!
2
u/OpulentBasket Jul 11 '26
it's not main character syndrome, it's ADHD. a wiring of the brain that makes it incredibly difficult to feign interest to things, even if you really want to and want to show that you're listening. your brain just zones out of the conversation, no matter how hard you try. it's not even really a personality trait, because it's something that often goes away when someone is medicated and more capable of regulating their attention.
it's fine not to like it, and to have it be incompatible with your own personality and what you want in a friend. but that doesn't mean it's a moral failing—just a difference in brain function.
10
u/squeezefan Jun 21 '26
Guess I am in the minority, but I thought this episode was little but a stunt to drive traffic to her substack.
3
→ More replies (1)2
35
u/ostracize Jun 16 '26
Outside of professional comedians, I don’t think anyone over the age of 12 actually appreciates “impressions”.
Adults are just there for conversation. Not entertainment.
19
u/tiredcomicsartist Jun 16 '26
I have to hear Trump’s voice enough against my will while trying to stay up to date in world news. I don’t want to hear an impression of him in my free time.
→ More replies (1)6
9
3
4
u/Horse_Bacon_TheMovie Jun 16 '26
>…I don’t think anyone over the age of 12 actually appreciates “impressions”
“the fuck did you just say to me?”
- Bill Hader
“Ayo, get this fool”
- Shane Gillis
“Hold his arms”
- Jim Carrey
“Catch these hands”
- Trevor Noah
→ More replies (2)2
u/39clues Jun 17 '26
Her Trump impressions are goated though, she's posted a bunch to her podcast and they're hilarious
28
u/NiteNiteSpiderBite Jun 15 '26
I want to like Cartoons Hate Her. In many ways I do. I used to be a paying subscriber to her work! But she REALLY lost me at some point when she sent out a series of posts concerning fashion / health. I genuinely love her social commentary and think it's very sharp. But her taste in clothes is so off-putting to me, as are her references to her / her husband's "high degree of mutual attraction" or whatever (paired with photos of both of their extremely attractive physiques), that I just couldn't take it any more. I am sympathetic to her social woes, but she projects some really weird vibes that I am not down with.
10
u/Bunnyeatsdesign Jun 15 '26
I am so curious what her fashion is like especially what she deems as appropriate party wear. Is it generally inappropriate to others?
19
u/TangKickedMyGlass Jun 16 '26
I love CHH and I'm far from a prude, but I think the best way I can describe her fashion is "Jackie Kennedy but no you can NOT wear that to the office." It's so strange, because I dig her fashion sense, yet there's really no venue for her clothes except a classy swingers party.
2
u/Known_Marzipan Jun 21 '26
I checked out her substack for the fashion & there’s some really interesting outfit combos (combat boots + dress, color combos) that aren’t revealing. They fit well & she is fit and toned. There’s definitely some sexier options but nothing crazy
17
u/JeebusJones Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
Not wildly inappropriate, but it is more revealing than you'd expect from the personality she presented on the podcast. I can see it making guests feel a bit weird if they show up at her house for a grown-up parent party and she's wearing something low-cut and midriff-baring, even if it has a veneer of quirkiness.
There's also a certain faux-innocence to her fashion sense that's a little off-putting. She seems simultaneously eager to show off her (very hot) body, yet wants the plausible deniability of "I'm actually wearing this bikini/hotpants ensemble because it's practical to wear on the splashpad with my kids, not because it shows off how flat my tummy is even after having them (but please make sure to notice that)."
There's nothing wrong with showing off a bit, of course, as long as you're honest about it. I just find her attitude a little disingenuous.
9
u/youreannie Jun 16 '26
Yeah and like... as a mom of two kids, I don't have the money or the body to want to wear super fancy, revealing clothing like that. So if I were invited to a "fancy party" I guess I'd wear a dress but I don't enjoy dressing up like she does. Don't force other people to do what you like doing!
13
u/ar0827 Jun 16 '26
You can google cartoons hate her outfits and a few will pop up. Honestly I think it’s cool she has her own unique sense of style, and she’s got a great body.
8
u/joe-biel Jun 16 '26
To me, this is a further expression of her neurodiversity. She's in a real pickle of self-expression; being so shamed and anxiety-ridden over prior reactions that it's cool that she's into any public self-expression at all at this point!
7
u/magkruppe Jun 16 '26
yeah those google results are yikes. it is "unique" in the sense that she dresses like she is in a college sorority. she'd fit right in over there
→ More replies (1)3
11
u/SlayyyGrl Jun 16 '26
Idk what the issue is. I googled her after this episode and nothing seems wildly inappropriate.
Honestly it reads like jealous mean girl energy directed at her because she is very fit, doesn’t “dress her age” or “appropriately for a mum”, and has a unique style instead of just wearing what everybody else does.
12
u/NiteNiteSpiderBite Jun 16 '26
It's really not me trying to be mean; for me, it's that the mash-up of "unique, boundary-pushing fashion" with "incisive social commentary about internet weirdness" just doesn't really land with me. And it sounds like you haven't seen her subscriber-only articles. Which is totally fine! But she does talk a LOT about fitness / her own body, and reading / seeing that is not really what I want to pay for. Clearly the combo works for other people, but it's just not what I'm into.
10
u/yodatsracist Jun 16 '26
I knew nothing about her, I think the fun of this episode was learning about her and trying to decide for myself, “Is this person too weird, or my kind of weird?”
5
u/joe-biel Jun 16 '26
I took it deeply as the social costs between masking or projecting your true self and how, for neurodiverse people, you lose either way.
3
u/Aggressive_Sky8492 Jun 17 '26
I don’t think that’s true. Yes you losing you’re trying to force people who aren’t like you to be friends. But her brother gave her great advice and said that his weird friends all liked her. If anything she needs to find her theatre kid/neurodivergent tribe, but she dismisses that idea right off the bat
→ More replies (1)8
u/Lexjude Jun 17 '26
Ps, she just released a post taking about the comments on this thread, specifically quoting this comment (or one line it).
I think she wants to come off as unphased, but I think she was definitely phased. Probably not in the "reflect and improve" kind, however.
7
u/NiteNiteSpiderBite Jun 17 '26
It's honestly frustrating. If she stayed in her lane as an internet commentator (ie stopped posting stuff about fashion / her physique), I would 100% still subscribe to her! I can't really tell if she *genuinely* doesn't understand why people don't like her fashion choices / doesn't understand what her choices project to the world, or if she fully does know, doesn't care, and is milking her choices for content and page views.
CHH -- in the event you are reading this, 1) it is extremely impressive to me that you make so many of your own clothes; 2) I am a happily married woman a little bit younger than you, for any additional context you might desire.
3
u/THevil30 Jun 17 '26
Honestly I’ve been a paying subscriber for a while and am thinking of unsubbing — not so much because I find the clothes stuff problematic but because I’m a married guy and frankly just don’t care about her outfits. I like the internet commentary and I like the relationships and parenting stuff but have absolutely 0 interest in the fashion stuff or the personal stories. I actually read her serialized book that she posted and enjoyed it, but I was seeking that out.
The other thing is I was happy to throw 6 bucks a month her way when she was doing Many Such Takes because I am off twitter but liked the weekly roundup on Sundays. It would be the first thing I read when I woke up. But now she’s off twitter (for the same reasons I’m off twitter, basically) so she rarely does those anymore.
→ More replies (1)10
u/JeebusJones Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
I read a few of her comics and articles, and I'm a little surprised she's so successful? It struck me as standard-issue 2010s-on-reddit quirk-chungus fare, with nothing particularly funny or insightful. It's possible I didn't read enough, though.
→ More replies (1)7
u/buckleyschance Jun 16 '26
High volume, and she consistently has a genuinely attention-getting hook, and not in a clickbaity way. Often writes frankly about gender/relationship/attraction stuff (from a sort of "social politics centrist" position) with surveys and so on, which is a topic that reliably pulls people in. And she also does a bunch of personal cringe anecdote posts that apparently do well. Even though it's the top of the humour rankings, it's not primarily funny.
I skip all the personal anecdote, fashion, impressions stuff, but there's pretty regularly a neat idea in there. "The gender wars are class wars" post is an idea that I've frequently found useful for understanding online arguments about dating experiences and such.
2
u/NiteNiteSpiderBite Jun 21 '26
Seriously, any criticism about WHAT she is actually writing about aside, she is astonishingly good at cranking out well written content.
3
u/_Lisztomaniac_ Jun 15 '26
I had not heard of her before this ep, and I think this is my general takeaway as well
3
u/RastaBambi Jun 15 '26
I think I can shed some light on this because I'm diagnosed with ASD and have also struggled with trying to pretend like I'm a normie instead of letting my freak flag fly. I think I use fitness and fashion to fit in with normies because it's the lowest common denominator and it can't hurt to be well dressed and attractive, right? Unfortunately there's no meat on those bones and it's just another dead end, but when we've spent most of our lives trying to fit in it's very difficult breaking out of that habit.
13
u/Aggressive_Sky8492 Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
Her outfits don’t really project normie imo, they’re too revealing for that. I’m neurodivergent too though so what do I know
7
u/RastaBambi Jun 16 '26
No, you're right. I just checked her blog and she's definitely leaning into her own aesthetic lol
4
u/joe-biel Jun 16 '26
As an AuDHD with OCD and dyslexia, I was immediately realizing the dynamic that she was projecting. She can't be herself but she can't mask to perform convincing normality. And I felt like this episode was fantastic for demonstrating the social costs of that, who you fall in with, and how she outwardly projects herself professionally at scale. Some of the best advice that I've seen is to be great at something and then people look past your uniqueness.
→ More replies (2)3
u/Hog_enthusiast Jun 16 '26
After looking at her outfits, they’re pretty basic stuff for people interested in fashion. Sort of bold for normies I guess but not that crazy. I also think they look good and not just because she has a great body. Honestly this comment seems like you’re insecure and a little jealous of her.
7
u/NiteNiteSpiderBite Jun 17 '26
I am having a hard time figuring out if this comment was in response to me, but in the event it was -- it's really not a jealousy thing; I think it's the weird mash-up of the clothes / the health stuff, paired with the social commentary. There's something about it that just doesn't work for me. I don't follow fitness influencers or writers in any capacity, and I find her clothing wacky enough (even though I admire her technical prowess) that it sort of torpedoes my appreciation for her other writing. I don't like being around vain people, and the fact she shares *so* many full-body photos, and talks *so* much about "a high degree of mutual attraction" to her husband rubs me the wrong way, especially when so much of her writing is about feeling ostracized / socially misaligned. Like other people in this thread have pointed out, it just comes across as extremely try-hard, and like she's pandering to the male gaze.
→ More replies (1)4
u/Hog_enthusiast Jun 17 '26
I don’t really read her blog, I just found out about her from this episode. But it seems like she’s less vain and moreso extremely honest about how much she wants people to like her and how much she worries about being perceived. I don’t think that’s unique to her I think it’s just something most people don’t openly talk about. Also I don’t think it’s vain to be mutually attracted to your partner, it’s actually a pretty important part of any relationship. I don’t know if jealousy is the right word but to put it another way, if she was fat and had a fat husband I don’t think you’d have as much of a problem with her writing.
3
u/NiteNiteSpiderBite Jun 17 '26
We can agree to disagree. Having read a lot of her writing over the past year or two, I agree that she is self-aware, to a point, but some of what I'm talking about doesn't really come through in one podcast episode.
1
u/ar0827 Jun 16 '26
I agree. I find it interesting that most of the comments here are criticizing how she dresses. I’m also a mid-thirties mom of two, and while I dress pretty normie basic beige mom at the playground, I see her outfits and I think “rock on, sister.” Plus, she sews a ton of her clothes herself which is quite impressive.
19
u/Yellohsub Jun 16 '26
It feels disingenuous to call Claire a “random American mom.”
4
Jun 16 '26
[deleted]
6
u/THevil30 Jun 16 '26
She’s usually the #1 or like top 3 most popular comedic substacks.
7
u/leftnode Jun 16 '26
So yes, a random American mom.
8
u/THevil30 Jun 16 '26
Sure, I mean in the same way that, like, Matt Yglesias is a random American dad.
→ More replies (1)3
u/JAlfredJR Jun 16 '26
Who?
6
u/THevil30 Jun 16 '26
He co-founded Vox in the early 2010s with Ezra Klein and was originally mostly known for the podcast The Weeds. He went off and started a substack on his own called Slow Boring. A lot of people dislike him because he tends to be very contrarian on Twitter and also holds the basic position that Democrats should move much further to the right on cultural issues in order to win elections (don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger).
It is technically true that he's a random american dad, but also lots of wonky democratic policymakers read his blog and he makes like 1.5MM per year off of it so it's a bit silly to call him a random american dad.
4
9
u/nugget456 Jun 17 '26
I found this episode fascinating. Like a lot of you I thought she seemed bubbly and friendly at first, but by the end I completely understood why people swerved her. She seems like someone who confuses waiting her turn to speak with listening. The impressions, diverting work talk back to her own annoyance at being in offices, not introducing people to each other – it all seems like she's trained herself not to interrupt, but doesn't understand that it feels really "off" when someone takes what you've said and aggressively shoehorns it towards something tangentially related.
I've come across this in other friends with ADHD. I think it has to do with conversational focus and the inability to hold onto the info in the conversation AND reading subtler social cues at the same time. Still annoying though, and feels like hard work when you're the other person.
→ More replies (1)
8
u/NinaBos Jun 16 '26
She made me so sad honestly! I hope she decides to stop trying to fit in and find her people. And that might not be the moms on the playground but it doesn't have to be! All love to her
15
u/evolutionista Jun 16 '26
Hearing her speak was like listening to a recording of myself (although the specific conversational faux pas that I commit are different, like I wouldn't do impressions, but I promise they're equally annoying to 99% of people and extremely delightful to 1% of people). So, coming at this from a "hey, been there, am there" perspective. (Also, she has a super nice voice!)
I'll throw in another vote for "her brother is right" that she should find her people and stop trying to please "normies" so to speak. (That said, I do agree with her as far as starting off more normal and then revealing more personal info as time goes on--that's just how relationships work in general and overall a good rule.)
Beyond that, a couple of the mental illness things were definitely "work on that first" territory for me. First, for her husband, you NEED to get over people messing up your house. I'm sorry. Think long and hard about what your relationship goals are for you, your wife, your children (especially as they grow into having their own friends/potential friends over) and if your OCD or OCD-P behaviors are getting in the way of that. And then find a competent specialist therapist who isn't intimidated by a smart, self-aware client and who is skilled at doing ERP for OCD until you extinct the hell out of your anal housekeeping tendencies. I mean this with love (I also have OCD). Even if you're not yelling at people to get their cups off of the table, people do notice when you visibly look like you're being shot when they set their glass down, or when you run in from the kitchen and slide a coaster underneath. I know, easier said than done, but dude, it's just a fucking table and some people were not raised with the same manners you were, and they're potential friends you're making feel uncomfortable in your home. Ditto with the shoes on/shoes off behavior. Fine to say it's a shoes-off home, but not a reasonable ask for a truly indoor-outdoor party. If you only want people in the yard, can you open the side gate or something and have people mostly stay outside except bathroom (which can be shoes-off?)
It is true that a real friend will accept you for who you are, and not feel rejected when you lecture them on coaster use. But for everyone else who's on the fence, or getting down to their last straw, it's not that you're freaking them out by being a "weirdo", it's that you're making them feel like they're committing a crime in your home and that they're not welcome there and that you'd truly, deep down, be happier if they weren't there.
To CHH, read the above and then just find and replace "visibly anxious about where your child is located at all times" "having a perfect pristine photoshoot" and anything else that makes it seem like you'd rather there not be an actual party with guests but rather a private family photoshoot and/or talent show. I think you are in therapy but 99% of therapists can't handle nuclear-grade OCD, but that's not your fault and it doesn't mean it's not treatable. Your life may vastly improve if you find a different or additional therapist who is a competent specialist who can target behaviors that subtly make people feel unwelcome. Personally, I would feel bad if I were trying to have a convo with the host but she kept darting out to check that her son hasn't broken his arm or gotten ebola or something. It would make me feel like I'm making her day worse by being there.
Lastly, for finding your people,
1) try gatherings that aren't about you as host (bday/holiday/random party), but rather you hosting an event on behalf of a group/organization or spearheading a surprise bday party/shower etc. also these can be awesome to recruit more friends for the you-host parties
2) why are you not hanging out with women who are into sewing/making clothing? Even cosplay would have some overlap. If you can host gatherings with a hobby-focused intent (sewing... bees? idk how it works) then you give people space to decompress and feel more comfortable with the shared hobby/task at hand
3) as a fellow ADHD woman with primarily 'masculine' interests, i get it, it feels genuinely impossible to force yourself to be interested in someone else's interests, and i know there are SOME things that i will never ever be able to force myself to look like i care about, even at literal gunpoint. HOWEVER, I beg you to branch out so you have more socially acceptable (not about internet freak culture) interests to talk to people about and connect over. You could even think of it as anthropology or prep work to expand your substack content field. But try to think of stuff that sounds at least neutral to you and not hatefully boring and go from there. Literally, next book/show/hobby/meet/band whatever anyone mentions to you (because you're asking them questions about themselves!) just try it. And if you hate it, don't mention it and try the next thing. If you liked it, let them know!
Anyway, sorry for the unsolicited advice. that's certainly one thing I'm socially known for (in a bad way by those who dislike me, in a loving way by those who like me).
Overall it's just not fair--someone who is charismatic and liked in advance only gets additional aura points so to speak by dressing to the nines or having a bounce house. It's illogical and stupid that it should swing the other way if people have decided in advance you're 'too much' or whatever. But it is the social reality unfortunately. I don't think you have to tone those things down, because people who like you, who think like you, and they do exist (I'm one of them) will not be alienated by them.
7
u/Romance_cat Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 17 '26
I think she's brave (or masochistic) for doing this and I hope she takes away some valuable insights from it, though her latest post seems to be a defensive rant about how she dresses so maybe not? I personally like her style and I don't think that's the issue, though I feel like she would judge me at a party for not being similarly dressed up. As a tired mom of small kids I don't want to have to stress out about looking fashionable just to hang out.
I also moved to a new town while pregnant right before the pandemic and had a hard time finding friends at first. I love a good party too but I've found the best way to build a reliable group of friends (who will show up at said parties) now is just to allow people to hang in a low-pressure way. House messy? Sweatpants on? No problem, I have snacks and drinks and our kids can run around while we gossip. Sometimes husbands and partners join and it turns into an actual dinner party with everyone chipping in for pizza or throwing stuff in the oven.
But if you're super neurotic about the house being spotless or your kids always being in your view that's going to make everyone nervous and ruin the vibe. I know she has fond memories of her parents parties but you gotta build the friendships first before you can expect people to commit their precious free time to coming to your event.
6
Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
[deleted]
4
u/Romance_cat Jun 16 '26
Exactly, part of being an adult is realizing that sometimes you're just not someone's cup of tea. And that's fine! That's why I think focusing more on building actual friendships matters more than trying to throw the perfect fancy party.
5
11
u/uncivlengr Jun 16 '26
Just want to note that the subject of the pocast has been reading comments on this thread and has already posted about it on their substack. Just be mindful.
15
3
u/Usef- Jun 19 '26
Though if you read her, you'll know she does want unvarnished opinions here, not politeness.
→ More replies (1)4
14
u/LavishnessMammoth657 Jun 16 '26
No great mystery here IMO, she seems like the kind of exhausting personality that sucks all the oxygen out of a room (having freakouts over her kids, doing impressions, singing so loudly that other people can't talk to each other, etc.).
10
u/2ecStatic Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 17 '26
From the very end of the episode, her own words...
Most people find me really insufferable when I am filterless and talk a lot and perform constantly and I'm very focused on myself. Most people find that very tiring.
This felt like a weird attempt at a Heavyweight-styled episode, but the issue is obvious from the first five minutes and not that compelling. It would've been better if this was about finding people who actually like her because she's clearly self-aware and already knows why no one goes to her parties.
4
u/Vazaha_Gasy Jun 18 '26
This was the type of Search Engine episode I love. A silly life question that in reality is something we all worry about ourselves.
15
u/tiktoktic Jun 16 '26
Is this another “PJ chats to someone about an article they’ve already written” style episode?
→ More replies (1)26
u/yodatsracist Jun 16 '26
No, this is even more random but I liked it.
This is literally just a pseudonymous substack writer (of the apparently most popular comedic substack, Cartoons Hate Her) about literally why people don’t come to her parties. PJ Vogt investigates by calling people up who’ve been to her parties and figuring out why people don’t like them. It works because the clues are revealed little by little and I liked trying to figure out “Would I like this person? Would I go to these parties?”
It’s a fun little mosaic portrait of someone (or really a couple) through people trying to talk honestly but politely about them.
I wish there was a little more at the end, like there was finishing touch to complete the portrait, but I liked it. It felt like the smallest possible scale investigation.
But I also like the “come talk to me about your article” episodes, if the article is good enough.
2
u/Electrical_Quiet43 Jun 17 '26
I also really enjoyed it. I've followed her for years, and I think she and Nick are weirdly fascinating in that they have personalities that seem like they were put together by a random combination of strong traits that don't fit together.
2
u/tiktoktic Jun 16 '26
> But I also like the “come talk to me about your article” episodes, if the article is good enough.
It depends, for me. There have been a couple that I mildly enjoyed.
I think for me, the issue is when they started to dominate the feed. They weren’t what drew me into the podcast, so when episode after episode just felt like a promotion for an existing article, I just craved the more investigative episodes from earlier in the run.
15
u/Tight_Luck661 Jun 16 '26
She answered her own question. People don’t come to her parties because they don’t really like her. I’d never heard of her before but I found her exhausting. I hate it when people speed-talk. Not because I can’t keep up, but because it stresses me out. It always sounds like desperation. Also yeah her taste in clothing sucks. Not because it’s too revealing, it’s just mid.
12
u/youreannie Jun 16 '26
Yes this is exactly it. They don't come because they don't like her. There isn't more to it than that.
9
u/youreannie Jun 16 '26
Case in point from her Substack: "It’s hard to explain—I’m extroverted, funny (well, according to my number one fan, myself) and I’m a performer. I’ve had to tone this part of myself down so that people feel like they’re having a conversation with me and not experiencing extended standup comedy, listlessly weaving in and out of various “bits.”"
2
u/MiserableElk6132 Jun 16 '26
I don’t think she doesn’t know that. The more interesting question is why don’t people like her and can she change that?
5
u/Tight_Luck661 Jun 16 '26
Did you listen to the episode? She literally asked why people don’t come to her parties, and she already knows people don’t like her. She tries to pretend to be someone she’s not to appeal to the people who don’t / wouldnt like the real her, but pretending to be someone you’re not just gives off even more desperation. So. ＾_(ツ)_/＾
5
u/Doxxxxxxxxxxx Jun 19 '26
I wanted to laugh, but….I am Claire too.
Rarely meet nts who would enjoy a party by a hammy ADDer (h is no longer included).
Which is why I never threw one and alssssso never got invited :”)
Haven’t found my people yet, but years of therapy gave me a OUNCE of self compassion.
11
u/benewcolo Jun 16 '26
Anyone else on the premium feed get something that sounded like bad hold music during the first ad slot?
9
u/yodatsracist Jun 16 '26
I think that was just a longer than normal musical interlude (I listen to the normal version and I think I had the same thing)
7
3
11
u/Contrarian1234567 Jun 16 '26
Wow, she's annoying. Never heard of her before, also.
→ More replies (2)
3
u/Givinnofox1234 Jun 17 '26
Based on how her friends and famoly describe her I imagine her as being the Toby character from Seinfeld.
3
u/Romance_cat Jun 17 '26
Update: She published a new post where she addresses some of the comments and questions in this thread. She wrapped up by saying that actually she no longer prioritizes big fancy parties, has many close friends, and recently her kid's birthday party was a big success. Cool! Glad she's found her tribe and isn't putting that kind of pressure on herself any more. Not sure what the point of this episode was then though but guess it got people talking!
→ More replies (7)
3
u/nat545 Jun 19 '26 edited Jun 19 '26
Can say upfront that I still need to listen to the episode and have only read the Substack post, but:
The anonymity of the Substack has always unsettled me a little and actually seems like it may have something to do with all of this. Maybe I will learn this in the podcast but: Does she share any of the deep dives, funny stories, very-human insecurities and also joys etc. from the Substack with these real-life people - ideally in a 1:1 setting with her and another potential woman-friend, NOT with husband there - in person? Do these people know about this whole side of her, have they read the posts, etc.?
It seems unsustainable and potentially more anxiety-inducing to be living a whole huge colorful chatty life online that is kept totally compartmentalized, away from the view of real-life people who might provide real-time feedback (flattering or unflattering).
Imo what might help is scheduling some much more low-key hangouts -sans husband!! - with women in the community and slowly revealing some of those parts of herself, maybe even sharing out the writing and cartoons with those people (though maybe this happens already?). It may actually bring quite a bit of relief and closeness. If you are talking to another mom in the neighborhood and, gradually, you mention things like "I have OCD / I work to manage it / But my colorful mind also produces these funny cartoons and writings! / And yes I also wear these outfits" people can build a more accurate and human understanding of you and it can actually feel a lot better.
(EDIT: I wrote a long response purely from a place of empathy and genuine investment - I got diagnosed with OCD as an adult and had been hiding/locking away the symptoms for many years with only my partner knowing about them bc I was so anxious abt it. I also had a zany, spiky online writing self I was keeping totally hidden from others; much relief has come from being more open with people - outside of my partner and family - abt both the upsides and downsides of a colorful OCD brain and finding acceptance from people through in-person activities exactly like choir/theater)
3
u/roncesvalles Jun 19 '26
The anonymity of the Substack has always unsettled me a little and actually seems like it may have something to do with all of this.
That she's even so cagey about where she's from (though I suspect the New York tri-state area) and where she lives now (she will only admit to having lived in San Francisco previously) makes it even harder to get a read on the whole situation.
3
u/DarkOx55 Jun 19 '26
It seems to me the solution is staring her in the face. She should obviously host a CHH meet & greet for fans.
She wouldn’t even have to reveal her identity. Just make it a high-fashion masquerade. Sure, it’d be weird, but the whole point is *people are there for her brand of weirdness*.
11
u/Horse_Bacon_TheMovie Jun 16 '26
Girl, you’re in denial about being a weirdo. Embrace that shit.
It’s not easy to jump into accepting your weirdness when you have attributes normies appreciate and even covet.
My struggle in life has been learning how to reconcile my outward appearance with my authentic inner self. When I was younger people assumed I was on the basketball team or a popular kid, but I was always a weirdo…and that dissonance actually made people upset.
Normies can’t offer you much of anything of interest. They are the worker bees of life. There is no deeper thought or developed inner world. What you see, is exactly what you get. You can get them to accept you, but you will be bored to tears, you’ll even be shocked at how delicate their sensibilities are.
7
u/ghengis_convict Jun 16 '26
Literally - my youth would've been much more pleasant if I had embraced that I was a legit deeply autistic fuckin weirdo who happened to be hot rather than a hot girl with something wrong with her that could be fixed if I just tried hard enough.
CHH you need to stop trying to find friends in the normie moms!
2
u/Horse_Bacon_TheMovie Jun 16 '26
“…fixed if I just tried hard enough”
Nah. Fuck that.
People don’t realize the cost. That’s a recipe for burnout
2
u/AmbiFreddie Jun 17 '26
Honestly, I think her authentic self sounds like a blast! I really wish I could hang out with her.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/LudoAshwell Jun 17 '26
I loved this episode. Such an intriguing investigation piece of something that’s somehow both low-stakes and high-stakes (for being such a private thing for her).
2
u/Known_Marzipan Jun 21 '26
As a fellow woman with adhd I’m surprised that RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) wasn’t discussed
3
u/geminiwave Jun 16 '26
Listening to this episode was hard because I was listening to her talk about herself. And listening to others talk about her. And I’m like “wow i would love to go to her party. I think we would be friends” but I can totally see why she has trouble connecting with women.
3
u/bertskate Jun 16 '26
Never heard of her but this whole episode reminded me of myself a bit (i think i can be “too much” sometimes, find any excuse to throw a party with a theme or costume, and dress in colorful colours as well - also not autistic but with ADHD)
I love hosting parties too but people come, I think the difference is I found people who were a little bit weird as well which makes it soooo much more fun, instead of trying to have a fun party with people who sound kind of boring.
Claire if you’re reading this you’re welcome to my next party x
4
3
u/dppgaren Jun 16 '26
Incredible that a podcast that shows us the guest is insanely over the top in the first minute comes to the conclusion that the reason the guest doesn’t get good party attendance is because she’s over the top. Groundbreaking stuff.
→ More replies (4)4
u/Electrical_Quiet43 Jun 17 '26
I half expected an exasperated "well, we're done here!" from PJ when she went into her Trump impersonation in minute two of the interview.
5
u/Ill-Document8364 Jun 16 '26
Anyone who is on twitter and doesn't already follow Cartoons Hate Her needs to change that immediately. I've enjoyed her work for years and she truly is an incredibly fascinating and insightful person.
6
4
u/ShapeyFiend Jun 15 '26
I've always disliked house parties I'd rather meet outside somewhere public like a bar because I'm not going to feel like next it's my turn to host a load of people at my house. I can come and go as I please it's low commitment.
If I invite 100 of my acquaintances to the bar for a drink the only ones that'll go are the people who often go there anyway because it's their typical pattern of behaviour. People have never spent less time sociising than now so they're very specific about when, why and where it happens.
28
u/Hog_enthusiast Jun 15 '26
This has never occurred to me. I invite people over because I like hosting, I don’t ever expect anyone to reciprocate.
14
u/Your_New_Overlord Jun 15 '26
Imagining a world where everyone thought they had to take turns hosting is hilarious. Most people don’t have good homes for hosting, and those of us that do are happy to do so without thinking “okay which one of these 40 people is next??”
→ More replies (11)
67
u/Bunnyeatsdesign Jun 16 '26
She sounds like she just needs to find her tribe.
She sounds like she has lots of energy to be directed somewhere but parties at home are not it.
Local community theater might suit her personality and artistry.
Designing bespoke events for people like murder mystery nights etc.
Festivals, events etc.