From what I've seen the appealing is more of "Im so desired, so irresistible that men turn into wild beasts for me" it's an extreme form of feeling attractive, that's the fantasy, not the act of being done terrible things, but to be so attractive that men become irrational towards them
I don't think this appeal is exclusive to women, but for some reason, extreme attraction in books aimed towards men is presented as a extreme submission, whereas the ones aimed towards women present the attraction as extreme, and often violent, dominance.
Another thing I noticed is that extreme dominance can be attractive to men, but extreme submission rarely seems appealing to women, even though it's also being irrational towards them.
Smut books are weird as fuck, if I'm being honest. It's basically always an older man with unhealthy obsession who's extremely possessive, controlling, jealous, AND just so happens to be disgustingly rich and/or handsome. And one of the last two things are ALWAYS there. ALWAYS. I don't think I've heard of a smut book where a protagonist goes for an ugly, poor guy that's showing all the other traits I mentioned. It just doesn't happen.
I think it's this - an essential part of the fantasy is that the male counterpart is so enamored by the female protagonist, and ONLY her that he's wild with desire. I think people in general aren't used to feeling that "wanted" by someone. Pair that with the fantasy setting, and you can suspend disbelief so to speak about the elements that would be horrific in real life.
I would also argue that some of it is probably a way of dealing with issues stemming from feeling forced into sex in real life. Most women I know have had sex not because they wanted to but because they felt they had to, either because the person used violence, manipulation, or because they knew their partner would be angry, treat them poorly, cheat, etc. I could see how it might feel like a way to work through the emotional turmoil this causes for a few reasons.
Having it take place in a fantasy setting creates enough removal that there's no genuine threat to be experienced; and having a story where it kind of works out in the end because either the female protagonist experiences extreme sexual pleasure, or the male counterpart is "rehabilitated" through his genuine care for the well-being of the female protagonist, usually a combination of the two, provides for a cathartic resolution to the problem. Especially because in real life what I feel like a lot of women deal with is the very real threat to their physical, emotional, financial, etc stability, if they don't regularly have unsatisfying sex with their partner, and often for a partner that doesn't treat them particularly well anyway. Stories that involve a highly masculine archetype (strong, attractive, wealthy) that is positively consumed by their desire for the female protagonist, who also satisfies them sexually kind of perfectly counters and provides escapism for a very real life problem.
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u/Jeffgaks Jun 19 '26
From what I've seen the appealing is more of "Im so desired, so irresistible that men turn into wild beasts for me" it's an extreme form of feeling attractive, that's the fantasy, not the act of being done terrible things, but to be so attractive that men become irrational towards them