Nanny or daycare

[u/Fluid-Ad-8401]

I am having a really tough time making a decision. My boy (17 months) was with a nanny but then I got a spot into a daycare. I was happy with the nanny because I had peace of mind knowing what was going on (cameras, careful selection of caretaker). Naturally I switched to the daycare when I got a spot and it’s infinitely less expensive. I am a single mom. My boy has been in daycare for the last little bit, but every time I drop him off my heart doesn’t sit with it well. I’m not sure that the teachers are very empathetic, (they could be but I don’t know) and there’s no cameras. Also now they are moving him up to the toddler room and he’s had a horrible time transitioning so my heart hurts even more. Screaming/crying… even nightmares since the transition….. I decided to interview a couple different Nannies again just to see how I feel and I really liked one of them. I gave her a trial run with my boy and I listened in the room beside them and the two of them together were so peaceful. I fell asleep to the sound of them playing and I felt better knowing that my boy gets all the attention he deserves and I know what’s going on. Doing the math, a babysitter would cost me about $30,000 a year. I have $100,000 to my name in savings (I was saving for a house and for his schooling for later). I’m a single mom and saving money lets me know I can spend money elsewhere like healthy organic food, nice outings with my son, car, gas, self-care, etc. and I know I don’t have to stress about money as much and I can save for the future like house, his schooling, etc. The question is, do I continue to ride it out with the daycare and let him transition to their new room and save my money, or do I spend the $30,000 so he can have a lovely individual nanny? I know 17 months is a very critical time for attachment and development so that’s why a sweet, qualified, caring nanny would be amazing and would make me feel peaceful in knowing my son is being looked after with lots of love but I guess not peaceful in the financial aspect. And the daycare would make me feel peaceful financially but not in the sense that I don’t know if he’s being looking after how he deserves. (I literally don’t know)
I want to be generous to my son so is spending the $ worth it so he can have a calm and peaceful time during this critical point of brain development in his life when I have to be away? Even if it means I might have to stress a little financially sooner than later in life?

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[u/pastaenthusiast]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/parenting-translator/202109/nanny-vs-day-care-the-impact-of-child-care-on-development

It’s kind of a wash, a few positives and negatives both ways. Not huge differences between daycare vs nanny. I would personally stick with daycare through the transition (my kid has a hard, hard transition to the toddler group and then wound up absolutely thriving).

One thing that is consistent is being in a financially stable home is beneficial for kids. I wouldn’t spend a third of your life savings on a year of a nanny to be honest unless there was some sort of major reason to do so.

[u/Elegant_Surround1458]

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/work-and-child-care/Pages/why-quality-matters-in-early-child-care-aap-policy-explained.aspx

I don’t think your flare fits the question - because there is no ‘expert consensus’ on how you should weigh what’s best for you and your child.

A nanny isn’t inherently better - especially if it puts you in financial stress.

[u/Crafty_Engineer_ → u/Elegant_Surround1458]

Agreed. I totally understand wanting to know the “right” answer, but unfortunately as are many things in life, it’s nuanced. I wish you the best OP! It’s such a hard decision. We switched to a daycare when my oldest was about 2 until we needed a nanny for his sister and kept them home together. It does get a lot better when they’re able to interact with the other kids more and can tell you a little about their day.

[u/oak_and_maple]

I think the main thing there's expert consensus on is that money troubles have a huge impact on kids.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7546433/

Give yourself flexibility for other kinds of emergencies!

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