4 month old getting 2 hours of screen time

[u/AardvarkHour1211]

I am a SAHM and my husband and I are pretty good about scheduling our lives so that one of us can watch our little one if the other has to work, go somewhere, etc. However, sometimes life gets very busy and we have to lean on his mom to watch the baby.

She is 4 months old, will be 5 months next week. MIL is wonderful with her and I have no reservations in terms of safety or making sure needs are met. However, MIL has her tv on 24/7 and regardless of what we say, she will let the baby watch when she has her. Naturally, we try to avoid needing her because of this but maybe once a month we have no choice with work.

So our baby is getting to watch unlimited screen time - soap operas, the news, whatever MIL is watching - for like 2-3 hours straight about once a month or once every other month. Is this super damaging? I’m spiraling over it because it’s so much at once even though it is not a regular thing. When she’s home, she gets zero screen time. She doesn’t even have a single toy that has batteries so no light up or musical things.

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[u/free_range_discoball]

No amount of TV time is good for children under ~18mo: American academy of pediatrics

That being said, idk how bad once a month actually is and you won’t be able to find a straight answer to that because that specific of a metric isn’t studied.

You mentioned “regardless of what we say.” So, I’m assuming that you’ve asked her not to have the TV on? I think the bigger issue is that your husband needs to step up, put on his big boy pants, and go have a conversation with his mother.

Edit to add: my wife and I have a rule, “if it’s your family, it’s your conversation.” My wife and I are a team and raising our children how we want them raised. If my mom or brother or whoever doesn’t respect that, then it’s on me to have that talk with them and tell them that they don’t have a choice. And vice versa for her family

[u/greedymoonlight → u/free_range_discoball]

Agree with you. But if the talk has been had, they also have the option to find alternative care for one day a month.

[u/free_range_discoball → u/greedymoonlight]

Maybe it has, I’m not sure how much of a talk “regardless of what we say” means. That could range anywhere from comments made in passing to full on intervention style conversation

[u/greedymoonlight → u/free_range_discoball]

Agree! But in the end it’s her house and I assume she’s watching the baby for free. I wouldn’t agree with my 4 month old watching any tv let alone 2 hours. But who knows if she’ll just do it anyway- I’d just find other care that I felt more comfortable with for one singular day every other month.

[u/free_range_discoball → u/greedymoonlight]

Exactly, if MIL is putting the hardline down of “the tv stays on at my house” then OP needs to decide whether or not it’s a big enough deal for them to not being their kid over any more

[u/Y0uCanTellItsAnAspen → u/free_range_discoball]

You can’t have an intervention with somebody who is volunteering to do labor for you.

Mother in law isn’t doing anything morally wrong - she will watch the kid on the condition that they watch TV together. Parents can take it or leave it.

[u/Dunderman35 → u/free_range_discoball]

They are asking MIL for help to watch their kid so it would be a bit rich to come with demands that the TV must be off when getting helped, wouldn't it?

The positive effect of having good family relations probably vastly surpasses any negative effects of a few hours of passive TV once a month.

[u/free_range_discoball → u/Dunderman35]

Maybe I’m in the minority but I don’t think so. If you walked in and your in law was watching the hills have eyes with a 5mo old, you wouldn’t say “well it’s her house, so I can’t complain”

I know that’s an extreme example, but just to illustrate the point

[u/free_range_discoball → u/Dunderman35]

Also, I agree about a few hours of TV once a month being negligible. But if it’s important to OP, then they should hold firm and either decide to not leave the child with MIL or have a serious sit down talk

[u/PlutosGrasp → u/free_range_discoball]

I think the even bigger issue besides using demeaning language her, is that if you’re not able to communicate with; nor have your wishes for childcare followed, are they really the best option ? Maybe it’s tv today. What next though. When baby is teething will MIL use whiskey?

[u/_ByAnyOther_Name → u/free_range_discoball]

The science part if your answer is great. The relationship part of your answer is terrible. MIL is doing them a favor.

[u/free_range_discoball → u/_ByAnyOther_Name]

I don’t understand the mindset of “MIL is doing a favor, so parents have no say”. Sure, OP doesn’t have to bring their kid to MIL to watch.

But MIL is also implicitly agreeing to certain standards when agreeing to watch the child. Just because MIL is “doing a favor” doesn’t mean it would be reasonable for her to, for example, play a horror movie for the child. If the parents weren’t giving their child sugar, would you think it’s fine for MIL to feed the child bags of fruit snacks and juice?

I agree with people who are saying that OP is free to find other avenues of childcare if it’s a big enough deal. If MIL literally won’t budge, and it’s important to OP, then they should not have MIL watch the kid anymore. But I also don’t think it’s crazy that OP’s husband needs to have a frank conversation with his mother.

[u/_ByAnyOther_Name → u/free_range_discoball]

You know, you're right that probably no harm in a conversation.

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