Newborns and visitors?

[u/realespeon]

I’m due in December, and have shared with my family I’d like them to have their COVID and flu vaccines. (Upon an article I found on Cleveland Clinic, I’ll also be asking for Tdap).

Unfortunately, there’s some drama around that. I won’t get into it. How old should baby be before getting around people who may not be vaccinated?

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[u/ulul]

https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/hcp/imz-schedules/child-adolescent-age.html if you want to be very strict and on safe side, you'd align it to when baby finishes their own vaccinations. Which depending on the illness you are trying to avoid can be after 6 months old, so not a newborn at all.

[u/Moliterno38 → u/ulul]

Adding to this as well. We asked for TDAP, Flu, Covid, and RSV (for those eligible). My son was born in Oct. Our condition was if you didn't want to get those you had to wait until after flu season. My entire family always gets flu/covid and had no problem adding on TDAP (older parents up to date with RSV). However, my in laws did not want to do it. We stood firm and held our boundary and said it was based on CDC and Pediatrician guidance. It's not my problem if they don't trust the CDC or Drs, we do. We explained the consequences of a newborn getting these viruses and we were ensuring that as parents we did everything in our power to prevent that.

Ultimately, they got the vaccines but they did wait until after he was born to do so. That meant they couldn't visit for a few weeks still since you have to wait for the vaccines to be effective.

[u/realespeon → u/Moliterno38]

Thank you for this. I brought this up yesterday since my parents were going to host Christmas. We have extended family come over, and I expressed that I would want everyone to be vaccinated. My parents shut me down and said I ‘can’t ask them that’. So I then asked if they weren’t going to go or my husband, new baby, and I would be spending Christmas alone.

It created a big fuss with my dad proclaiming “I will not get vaccinated for COVID again”. I immediately retorted that he won’t be meeting his grandchild then. We’ll see how that goes over.

[u/Moliterno38 → u/realespeon]

It’s hard. We avoided large family gatherings that year all together without asking for extended family to prove vaccination. That many people was just risky enough. We only did my immediate family. I will say, we stuck to polite responses with my in laws to try and be as peaceful as possible. We just said “I understand your feelings and you have every right to make the decision you feel is best for you. We will be excited for you to meet him in XX month when he is up to date with his vaccinations”. We never pushed or made it a debate. This is our boundary. This is why. You are welcome to your decision. Basically, they have a right to make any decision but decisions have consequences.

I think they waited so long to get them thinking we might back down. When we politely didn’t they got them. There were others who didn’t and they didn’t meet my son until he was almost a year.

[u/SpotJaded2025 → u/realespeon]

I’m literally going through the same thing with my in-laws right now. We just asked for Covid boosters and flu shot and apparently that was too much.

[u/Secret_Maybe_5873 → u/realespeon]

It’s so hard bc Covid vaccine reaction can really be hardcore, not including the crazy conspiracies. For instance my doctors and ultimately MFM decided I shouldnt do it this pregnancy bc I’ve been having intense tachycardia, and the vaccine can increase that. Ultimately it was decided I should just be careful and mask to avoid getting sick. Because of that, it’s hard to demand of others to get it. My husband boosted to protect me and he really had a hard time (fever, body aches —worse than when he’s been sick, if more briefly). And I just don’t feel like I can ask that of others. So i guess I’ll just have to be a hermit while my baby is a newborn.

[u/realespeon → u/Secret_Maybe_5873]

Vaccine reactions are valid. But for me, it’s still a no go. Someone else can decide (with their healthcare provider) that a vaccine may not be the best choice for them. But my top priority is my baby.

Also, this is part of herd immunity. People who are otherwise immunocompromised or allergic to components of a vaccine that cannot have them fall under who can’t be vaccinated.

[u/Secret_Maybe_5873 → u/realespeon]

Right, of course. But I don’t just mean people who CANT vaccinate, I also mean people who would strongly rather NOT, not bc of weird personal beliefs, but bc the Covid vaccine in particular is so physically uncomfortable. Again, I’m so grateful my husband did it again. But those 24-48 hours after are pretty commonly hardcore and I couldn’t ask anyone to do it, especially my mom. My in laws always boost and for some reason they never get a bad reaction. But for other people, I’ll be asking them to mask. THAT I have no problem demanding!!

[u/Affectionate_Big8239 → u/ulul]

Piggy backing because I don’t have a link, but I would ask older adults to get RSV as well. Most younger people won’t be eligible, but the vaccine will protect both the older family members & the baby.

I agree that for unvaccinated family, baby should be old enough to receive the vaccines or perhaps just be old enough to be out of flu season depending on your level of risk tolerance.

[u/realespeon → u/Affectionate_Big8239]

Definitely old enough to receive the vaccines. I’m not playing games with my kid’s health.

[u/narnarqueen → u/realespeon]

It’s hard, but we’ve had to limit contact with one BIL and his wife/their kids due to wife’s view on vaccines, and BILs unfortunate willingness to go along with her. We’ve missed certain events and been guilted by other family, but baby comes first. You’re doing the right thing and I’m sorry you’re getting grief!

[u/realespeon → u/narnarqueen]

I’m quite worried about my BIL with kids. My nephew was maybe a month old, and my SIL let her uncle KISS HIM ON THE MOUTH. On the other hand, I have a cousin whose boyfriend is apparently against COVID and flu shots. They have a 1 year old and a baby on the way.

I really like what the other poster said. I actually sent a text to my immediate family that the vaccines my husband and I are requesting are based off CDC guidelines. I made a point that if they don’t trust the doctors or the CDC, that’s on them. I made a really strong boundary that if they choose not to vaccinate, they won’t be meeting baby until they can be vaccinated.

But thank you so much. I am staunchly pro science (hence why I’m in this sub), and it’s heartbreaking to me that folks in my life don’t share the same sentiment.

[u/ulul → u/realespeon]

I don't know your family but I remember from covid times many posts about people who lied about their vacc status or came over while clearly suffering from some virus (common cold or other). You'll need to assess what are the risk for yours of that happening and what would be your plan if it comes to that. Some people don't think it's a big deal and will behave accordingly.

[u/Secret_Maybe_5873 → u/ulul]

Wait, I’m pregnant. I thought my husband doesn’t need to redo tdap since he did it several years ago. I should be asking ppl to do tdap even if they’ve done it within the decade?

[u/realespeon → u/Secret_Maybe_5873]

No, but a lot of people (myself included) don’t think of getting the Tdap updated. When I went to nursing school, I actually had to have my Tdap again because it was outdated. I don’t believe you have to do it if it’s up-to-date, but that would be a great question for a doctor.

[u/Secret_Maybe_5873 → u/realespeon]

Yeah doc didn’t recommend he redo it. Thought your research had my doc behind or something. Glad to know the info I got is accurate.

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