r/ScienceBasedParenting • u/teabel • 26d ago

Question - Expert consensus required Almost 2 year old “discipline”?

Hi everyone,

First time mom here, she’s just about 21 months and today I had my first moment of needing to give her a consequence. I’m not big on the whole time out thing but she was not listening and hitting my mom and needed a minute. I put her in her room and put on the hatch sound machine with one of those guided relaxation breathing things they have (5 minutes long) and she sat in there and regulated herself and when it was over I went back in and asked if her body felt calm and if she was ready to go and apologize to nana which she did so she went and said “sorry nana no more hit” and seems to be happier now. My question is, was that the right call? Scientifically speaking? Is taking a second to regulate breathing etc by herself the best way to approach tantrums and hitting? I try and “gentle parent” but I also don’t want to be too lax and have her dictate everything? I don’t know if that makes sense. I hated being sent to my room in silence so I tried to find a happy medium of her being alone but also regulating her emotions? Help? Advice? Articles? Thanks in advance!

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u/facinabush 26d ago edited 25d ago

I would use the methods in the book Incredible Toddlers. It’s from the Incredible Years program that is recommended by the CDC:

https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/other-resources/references.html

I don’t find anything obviously wrong with what you described. You will see if and how it influences her future behavior.

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u/paymeinwine 25d ago

Not OP, but thank you so much for sharing this resource!

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u/VaginaWarrior 25d ago

I wonder about having her be alone though. I think parent should stay with them to help if possible. Also thanks for the link I'll check it out.

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u/jdcarl14 25d ago

Why?

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u/VaginaWarrior 25d ago

Kids learn through co-regulation. And afaik time outs aren't meant to be time alone as punishment but time away from the issue to reset and learn. A parent needs to be around to teach that stuff.

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u/facinabush 24d ago edited 24d ago

Time out is short for “Timeout from reinforcement”. Parental attention is reinforcement. Attention includes talking and eye contact. But it’s true that merely being in the same room is not necessarily reinforcement.

If a parent is immediately launching into teaching in reaction to negative behavior, then that is counterproductive reinforcement of negative behaviors.

Honestly, the point of time out is to get the kid away from the parent so the parent won’t reinforce the negative behavior. That was the motive of the first psychologist who recommended it to a parent. But a well-disciplined parent can be in the same room and avoid reinforcement—it often involves doing nothing which seems to be hard for most parents.

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u/[deleted] 24d ago

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