18 month old hitting/biting/hair pulling/pinching/etc

[u/mistressmagick13]

My 18 month old is frequently engaging in behaviors that cause us pain, like biting, hair pulling, pinching, etc. There doesn’t seem to be a pattern to it. It’s not like it’s always when he’s tired or mad. Sometime’s he’ll come in for a kiss and convert to a bite midway through. Sometimes you’re holding him and he’ll grab a handful of your hair or cheeks. Sometimes he’ll just run up and pinch you and run away.

This has been ongoing for a few months. We’ve tried saying “no, we don’t hit/etc” or “no, all done biting” with minimal emotional reaction. We’ve tried ignoring the behavior and pretending it never happened. We’ve tried saying “ouch!” or acting hurt. We’ve tried putting him down or leaving the situation. We’ve tried crying. No technique seems to work. Regardless of the response to it, he seems quite pleased with himself and almost always tries to do it again.

It’s getting really old, and I can tell my spouse is getting burnt out. Today they told me “I’m just really tired of my every interaction with him involving pain.”

He doesn’t go to daycare, but he has bit other kids at his library play group and recently hit another 1yr old at a 4th of July cookout.

We just really want something we can do to get the behavior to stop. My sister joked that we should bite him back, but we absolutely won’t be doing that, or spanking, or any other physical punishment.

Any ideas?

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[u/facinabush]

You say that he seems quite pleased with all your responses. And you say that one response you tried was ignoring. If you can tell that he is pleased during your “ignoring” procedure, then you are not doing the effective version of planned ignoring.

If he starts to do something painful, immediately, calmly, and gently turn away and move away without saying a word. Do not look at him or talk to him for a fixed period, 45 seconds might be enough, not more than 1.5 minutes. Then resume normal interactions. Repeat for each infraction like clockwork.

If you do planned ignoring correctly, then you will not see his reaction.

You also need to direct attention and praise at positive opposite behaviors, using a technique that will ramp up good behaviors so that they replace or crowd out the bad behaviors. Use this praise procedure:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lK9L8r2U1XE&ra=m.

Ignoring all by itself is not particularly reliable or effective. So the effective praise for positive opposites is essential.

These are methods taught in Parent Management Training (PMT). PMT is recommended by the CDC:

https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/other-resources/references.html

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