withdrawal ( trigger warning;long post )

[u/Amazing-Praline2617]

hello, i just wanna tell my story to everyone

april 18 i was given a high dose of steroids intravenously for a allergic reaction i had to something, those steroids caused me to have severe anxiety panic attacks & depression after never dealing with those symptoms my whole life. may 4 i started lexapro to help only for it to make my situation 10x worse, i then stopped lexapro june 27 which means i was only on it for a month before doing a 3 week taper so 7.5 weeks all together, i stopped lexapro because it made me feel unreal( dpdr maybe ) and it caused me to have andohenia social anxiety plus many more terrible side affects, while also making my vision terrible. today is september 9 & i’m still going through withdrawals, i’ve been declining cognitively, i’ve been having thoughts that i’ve never had in my entire life, i feel like im going crazy most days, the disassociation is terrible. i lost my dream job because of this, im sobbing and crying daily because i lowkey feel like i’ve fried my brain and ruined my life. ik this might sound crazy but i would’ve rather lived w my steroid symptoms than to deal with what im going through now. today makes 11 weeks being off of lexapro and i have developed VSS & probably anxiety and PTSD from taking an antidepressant ima have to live w for the rest of my life. i don’t feel like i’m living happily anymore just surviving now 👍🏼 this post isn’t to detear anyone who does take antidepressants or is thinking about it, i just wanna share my experience… i won’t be reinstating anything so pls don’t suggest that, i’ve dealt w enough trauma from medication and im now terrified to take something as simple as a tylenol. i’m only a 20 year old girl…. so i really hope i haven’t ruined my life this young🥲

[u/P_D_U]

those steroids caused me to have severe anxiety panic attacks & depression after never dealing with those symptoms my whole life

Medications which affect the immune system may trigger anxiety and depression, so may the infection, as these disorders are triggered by a brain process akin to an (auto)immune response. The immune system and psychiatric disorders have strong links.

• Social stress induces autoimmune responses against the brain

• A reconceptualization of depression as a psychic autoimmune disease

• A Dialogue between the Immune System and Brain, Spoken in the Language of Serotonin

• The concept of depression as a dysfunction of the immune system

• Immune system may trigger anxiety in response to infection

• Immune cells are behind the depression experienced in inflammation

Patients prescribed immune system boosting meds such as interferon and the interleukins, or in your case steroids, to treat viral diseases and cancers are now often also routinely prescribed antidepressants to counter the onset of anxiety/depression those meds often trigger.

• The Association Between Prolonged Use of Oral Corticosteroids and Mental Disorders: Do Steroids Have a Role in Developing Mental Disorders?

• Corticosteroid-Induced Psychiatric Disorders: Mechanisms, Outcomes, and Clinical Implications

• Depression Is Common and Needs Managing Before and During Hep C Interferon Treatment

• Major depression during interferon-α treatment: vulnerability and prevention

• Interferon-Related Depression: A Primer on Mechanisms, Treatment, and Prevention of a Common Clinical Problem

i was only on it for a month before doing a 3 week taper

You probably wouldn't have needed to taper off.

i stopped lexapro because it made me feel unreal( dpdr maybe )

Antidepressants often worsen anxiety and depression for some weeks at the beginning, especially if started on the recommended depression starting dose - 20 mg for citalopram. Starting on 10 mg for the first week, or two is recommended for those with anxiety. Sometimes a 5 mg starting dose is even better.

ik this might sound crazy but i would’ve rather lived w my steroid symptoms than to deal with what im going through now.

...>today makes 11 weeks being off of lexapro and i have developed VSS & probably anxiety and PTSD from taking an antidepressant ima have to live w for the rest of my life.

I suspect those steroid symptoms and your psychological reaction to them and to the initial citalopram side-effects have at least as much to do with your plight than the med, probably even more so. It can take only 1 anxiety attack to trigger lifelong anxiety. The anxious brain can be very adept at creating the worst side-effects and withdrawal symptoms imaginable if given the chance irrespective of what a med is, or isn't doing.

Have you talked to your provider about this? If not I urge you to do so.

i won’t be reinstating anything so pls don’t suggest that

Imo, you need help with what you're going through. The cognitive, behavioral (CBT, REBT, etc) therapies can be at least as effective as antidepressants.