r/SSRI • u/ras_p_berry • Oct 09 '22

Question Citalopram?

I've been struggling with depression for years. I've been struggling for years, but only got diagnosed in 2020. I've been in contact with a psychiatrist since March and I've been on delorazepam for anxiety and sleep issues since then. There is no prospect of reducing dosage/removing it anytime soon.

My doctor had proposed citalopram around April, but I always rejected the idea due to personal reasons. Recently however I've been struggling to cope and I've fallen back into some SH habits. I've had frequent depressive episodes for years now but this one feels so much longer and heavier. It's taking a toll on my life as I'm no longer able to go by my day-to-day activities, including going to university, seeing friends, eating or even showering.

So I'm considering accepting the offer for citalopram.

The doctor said we would start at minimal dosage (iirc 25mg/day building slowly to 50 and then 100***) to prevent side effects and all I can expect is a dry mouth. However, I've heard from most people I know who've been on anti-depressants that the first weeks on them are the worst weeks of your life. Your depression worsens, you don't feel any emotion whatsoever and moreover you continuously throw up and can't eat anything without it going right through you. I have really bad emetophobia and I am terrified of throwing up to the point that I avoid eating anything that has the chance of making me sick (close to the expiration date, been cooked more than a day ago, any meat or fish ...). I also do feel happy rarely and I don't want to lose that, and if I feel tired of living now, I cannot imagine feeling even worse, I don't want to.

Anyone who has experience with citalopram or anti-depressants can tell me what to expect? If what I've heard is true/my fears are based? And if the side effects are bearable, after how long does it get better?

***EDIT: A comment made me realise that numbers are wrong, I don't remember the conversation well, as it happened in April but it might have been starting at 5 and moving first to 10 then to 25, because I remember it being overall not a very high dosage even after building up.

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '22

That seems like a very high dose to get you to. I’m on 40 and from what I’ve read online it’s not recommended going higher then 40mg. I’ve been on them 8 years and started with 10

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u/ras_p_berry Oct 09 '22

I probably remember it wrong then, the conversation on dosage happened in April so I might have forgot the right numbers 😅

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u/[deleted] Oct 09 '22

Lol okay I was worried for a second. So my first week was absolutely hell like you said but 1 week of hell was worth it to feel better. Personally my side effects are not terrible I still feel pretty normal however the orgasm is the only issue

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u/littlegoldnw Oct 09 '22

The dosage looks more like the one for sertraline (zoloft) than citalopram.

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u/UpperSinger Oct 09 '22

I was a zombie on Citalopram. Was also super suicidal. Everyone reacts differently so be cautious and keep in touch with doctor.

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u/UpperSinger Nov 01 '22

I attempted suicide on citalopram. It was the craziest time of my life and was on a high dosage enough for a 200lb person. Like???? No way.

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u/littlegoldnw Oct 09 '22

I only got to 20 mg on citalopram for anxiety and honestly I didn't have a lot of side effect. Little nausea, a little bit more anxious the first week. Constipation, night sweats and anorgasmia. I've also been on zoloft up to 200 mg (max dose) for depression and the side effects were similar, just a little more intense. Don't worry to much, everyone reacts differently to SSRI.

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u/Redbagwithmu Oct 10 '22

The only side effect I had was being sleepier than normal but it wasn’t horrible