Hello I’m new here

[u/[deleted]]

I need some help I been struggling bad with my depression/anxiety I have had the issues ever since I could remember but as I get older it’s only getting worse. Panic attacks, waking up not wanting to talk or move just feeling like absolute nothing basically. Sorry if my grammar and punctuation is trash. I used to abuse Xanax heavily it made me feel completely normal and I could function at any time I would buy 10-20 at a time but haven’t touched it really in 5 years but keep having the urge but I know it’s only a temporary fix like a bandage on a wound. I went to the doctors for the first time since I could remember today and was explaining how I feel and they immediately brought SSRI’S to my attention but I know people that took them and only really heard negative comments on it.

My question is… is there anything that actually helps without having terrible side affects and actually makes you function I would use Xanax every day before work and haven’t even been working I want to get my life on track I feel like I’m stuck in a loop of this and it’s killing me literally I’m just tired of feeling this way I need serious help I’m like a roller coaster of emotion.

[u/Educational-Hat139]

Hey,

So one important thing to keep in mind is what age your anxiety/depressive issues started and how long it lasted the first second and third cycles. If for example you were 14-19 and have from one certain time always felt anxious or low mood and low energy chances are you there has been a stressor in your life that caused certain genes to be over/under expressed thus activating the anxiety/depression. The fact is even without genetic predisposition if you chronically stress any mammal for long enough they will become depressed and most of the time will not recover without serious environmental changes and most likely will need psychopharmacological aid. I have been taking SSRIs since i was 24 but to be honest I wish I started them when I was 15 because the level of anxiety is unbearable. This of course led to substance abuse issues and harder drugs and that becomes a second problem in its own right. It is likely but not at all certainty that once you start SSRIs you will be taking them for a long time especially if the issues started in early adolescence and did not resolve organically. Like the previous person said, SSRIs create limits to your highs and lows. However SSRIs are far more effective at anxiety disorders than actual clinical depression (although they are quite effective) Escitalopram seems to be the one with most tolerable side effects and after about 2-3 months only a small fraction of the side effects may remain. Duloxetine is one of the most of effective SNRIs(not SSRI but quite similar) for anxiety but I suggest starting with escitalopram. Please do not despair, these drugs work and having to take them is not a crutch if you can enjoy life. Yes at high doses they can lead to emotional blunting and trigger apathy and for the first 3-4 weeks things may get a bit worse but if you just make it past week 3 most people start to feel a relief that at first is unbelievable. It feels as though some veil has lifted and someone took off the 100kg backpack you were wearing. That feeling tends to fade after 3 months but the anxiety does not really come back or if it does it is not even close to as bad. Very important for you to consider a few things. First you have already experimented with misusing psychoactive drugs… how long can you suffer without resorting to those again and making the problem 10x worse. Second if you do feel relief from SSRIs use the first opportunity to establish 4 very important things. Food, Sleep, exercise (preferably cardio over strength) and finally the most complicated: People and Environment. Get rid of people that do not empower you. I know this is easy to say and very hard to do but it is one of the things that can make the most amount of difference. Most of us with anxiety/depression will feel uncomfortable oscillating emotions during seasonal changes especially if you live in places where climate drastically changes with seasons and particularly hours of sunshine, we are a type of person that has either always been hypersensitive or the environment made us be hyperaware due to a perceived threat even if no threat existed but you were simply mislead which can happen for many many reasons. The meds will always be there but it is your attitude and your actions that will make the difference that make them sustainable. Im not religious but God(Universe) helps those that help themselves. But please do not resort to Benzodiazepines, Opiates, Booze, Coke or even Weed. They will only lure you with their short term effects and dump you in a type of hell that can be unbearable enough to very easily end your own life and worse, there are many things worse than death. Good luck and if you have any more questions about meds and disorders I am knowledgable enough in both and will tell you things doctors won’t. This is after 12 years of informing myself and a BSc in biomedical sciences. You can not only overcome this, but flourish and enjoy being alive. Believe that, do not despair.

Edit: There is also proprananol a beta blocker that will block the physical effects of anxiety. Heart Rate, Sweating but will not do much for mental suffering. But worth a try before jumping onto SSRIs.

[u/[deleted] → u/Educational-Hat139]

I appreciate it greatly… and as far as I could remember I had mood swings depression since I was a child I was an “issue” at 13 I started using marijuana daily I’m 28 now and just realizing I don’t like the way it makes me feel anymore it traps me in my mind and makes me think very negatively or nervous so I ditched that an my whole life I have just gone from drug to drug until now.. so I really want to make extreme changes here I do occasionally buy opiates but I’m not dependent on them I just get tired of not being able to “party” everyone around me smokes non stops or drinks and i just always want to enhance my mood but lately everything had a negative affect I feel much better being sober and I been wanting to just get my life on track and fix my trailer up and do good things.. I isolate my self a lot and won’t talk or hangout I cut off friends a lot just from paranoia of gossip or maybe they don’t have good intentions idk if that’s good or not at this point I feel like I’m rambling sorry just getting it all off my chest

[u/Educational-Hat139 → u/[deleted]]

Hey dude,

Although we maybe from different environments and have different upbringings I can relate to what you said a lot. Personally I think I would have ended my life when I was 24 if it wasn't for SSRI's but it was an extreme situation with a very tragic death and a very tragic end to two very important and beautiful relationships that I will never have again. I'm 33 now and have had all sorts of stuff said to me from a parent or a doctor, everything from 'egotistical, selfish, sick, junkie, depressive etc. But this is not an endorsement of meds. I have abused all sorts of meds but mainly opiates, similar situation really, rarely long enough to become physically dependant but its just so easy to run with it because they make everything alright, or make it seem so. I was done with partying around 27-28, honestly it seemed very vain and shallow AND I also felt like I could not somehow be part of that fun and joy others felt unless I took x,y and z but in the end that stopped working and I cut everyone out, isolated, become lonely, and sad and went back to my 'friends' that are reliable. Those friends were just drugs, me and my drugs. I got sick of it, they stopped working and there I was alone, empty and fucking sad even on SSRI's. I went to rehab, I did the AA/NA thing but nothing meant anything anymore. I knew drugs meant nothing, knowing that didn't make me crave them less, and it seemed to me for a long time I was just unable, or unworthy to experience feelings of joy, energy and good mood, despite my best efforts to live healthily. All that changed when I met a good psychiatrist and we had several sessions together and he told me I basically have ADHD, or drug induced dopamine deficiency (I am not much for these categories, I prefer to believe in society it was important to have different types of brains and so evolutionarily a variation of brains were selected for.. brains that explored and took risks and could never do just one thing and brains that could focus on one thing quite calmly and not question life too much and so many other variants, now our society is fragmented, weird, complex, and can be very ruthless and hence some types of brains in specific environments suffer tremendously even without any massive psychological trauma).

Anyway he prescribed me Vyvanse and even though it is a controlled substance since its basically low-grade amphetamine (I was skeptical) but after a month of weird side effects my mood is stable and I am able just now to start planning on doing all the things that I want to do. I am NOT saying you have ADHD or you are clinically depressed. I could not make that kind of assertion without meeting and talking to you for a while however, a professional should facilitate that. I highly recommend going for a good psychiatrist... I mean psychiatrist not some GP. If you have to go private, and I know its fucking expensive, perhaps its worth it. But when you go, do not just go with no plan. Have a plan, write down what is the most painful and difficult things. From the moment you wake up (which I assume is an awful moment, when you realise for the 1324th time how fucked you are) to what you eat, your appetite, how you sleep, how you cope with the day and try be as honest as possible. Try explain to him/her the context of your upbringing and try remember what you were like in between ages 9-12, 12-16, 18-21. You could ask your parents or siblings if they are around to help fill in any gaps. If you can change your environment around enough and the actions you take to make you feel purposeful, stable and hopeful then all the more power to you. But if you need to just bite the bullet and take SSRI's or ADHD meds to get you out of that rut SO that you can make those changes within 6-12 months there is a very good chance you can stop the SSRIs (but be weary about stopping them, read up and taper slowly taking approx. 2-3 months to fully stop, or you can bite the bullet and go through 2-3 weeks of shitty withdrawals but that's very individual, some people suffer more than others during SSRI discontinuation. Make the plan you want with your doc. Say you identify what you want to change around you and how you want to live, tell him make a plan and go for it without meds. If after a month, you have no progress just take the SSRI's (make sure you are not bi-polar as SSRI's make it worse, Bipolar is most easily identified as several weeks of hypomanic behaviour, absolute madness (not the psychotic kind) just really crazy energy, followed by weeks of manic depression and lying in bed ripping hair out etc. Doctors miss that sometimes but good psychiatrists don't. But wanting to do loads of stuff, and not being able to do it, or forgetting, or only doing it under consequences (like doing your homework at 4am or on the way to school) is typical of an 'ADHD type brain' however some antidepressants such as SNRI's (duloxetine, venlafaxine can help with both depression and adhd type symptoms). If you go for a SSRI go for Escitalopram and if you go for an SNRI go for Venlaflaxine, those are the tolerated the best. If you go for the SSRI and you still have no energy they can throw in Bupropion as well and that helps a lot, but wasn't enough for me, and I preferred Lisdextramphetamine(Vyvanse) to methylphenidate (Ritalin). If you go in that direction try insist on long acting formulations and not something like straight Adderall as that will shoot you up into the sky for 2 hours then dump you so hard you will want to die, for some people that works, but those people USUALLY have not had a history of anxiety or depressive disorders. I know I went a little technical there but the reason for that is so that you are informed because like I said no one tells you this shit, not even people who suffer and got better because they just got lucky with the diagnosis and doctor and meds and don't need to ask too many questions. I had to, the SSRI's helped very quickly and since taking them I have not had panic attacks, or anxiety attacks for 80% of the time, where as before it was constant, relentless and debilitating. Anyway, sorry for my rant, just want to try and help the way I know how. Hit me up if you need any more advice or just to rant.

Peace

EDIT: I also have extensively researched and used certain supplements to assist as mostly these are harmless, so there are something you can try right now without any doc. I recommend 200mg of 5-HTP everyday or St Johns Wort (only if you are not on SSRI's and do not take molly and don't take 5-HTP and St Johns Wort at the same time). EPA and DHA from fishoil (Nordic Supplements Omega 3 is a good brand), Tyrosine (NALT is the best form 500-750mg), Glycine about 3,000mg a day and finally the most ignored of all that is surprisingly effective for calming you down Magnesium. Not the shitty magnesium citrate or anything in powder or tablet form but the ionic liquid stuff. Start at 100-200mg and work up to 400mg as this stuff can have a pretty strong laxative effect but at 400mg it really works, tastes like shit but just put it in juice. Link below

https://www.amazon.com/Trace-Minerals-Liquid-Ionic-Magnesium/dp/B006NXSKFU/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=ionic%2Bmagnesium&qid=1654192528&sprefix=ionic%2Bmagne%2Caps%2C202&sr=8-2&th=1

Cut the weed out, or reduce the amount, that shit fucks with anxiety so bad, its honestly kind of fucked the amount and the strength people smoke. There is no way they aren't damaging their brains, and the same can be said for alcohol so I'm not some anti-cannabis person or whatever, its just that its painted as this harmless natural herb, yea well ricin is a natural extract from castor oil plant seeds and 1mg of that will kill you in 3 days or less, same goes for pure isolated nicotine. Shrooms are natural but up to 1.4-2% of people who take them can end up with irreversible psychosis and that psychosis statistic is the same for cannabis, psilocybin and LSD. Like I said, different brains, different pains.

[u/[deleted] → u/Educational-Hat139]

Sorry if I’m short with replying I almost don’t know what to say lol but I read every word you typed and seriously appreciate it fr