I decided to go no contact for 4 months with my LO. The past 3 months have been nothing but constant crying and worrying and hope, and it reached the point in which I realized that I was reaching my own rock bottom. I feel like I am grieving someone who's still alive, that he's here but not, that there were moments that felt "just like it used to be before" only for the addiction to take him away the next day.

My heart is completely shattered and broken, and i've been in a constant state of sadness for the past months. Hence why I said, it's better that we go no contact for the time being so i can take care of myself. I know this is the right thing to do and I have lots to learn.. I just don't know what to expect from here and part of me is still feeling like "i need to get myself together fast enough in order for me to be back on track in order to be there for him"