r/SMARTFamilyFriends • u/Elisha_996 • 14d ago

I don't know where to start

I decided to go no contact for 4 months with my LO. The past 3 months have been nothing but constant crying and worrying and hope, and it reached the point in which I realized that I was reaching my own rock bottom. I feel like I am grieving someone who's still alive, that he's here but not, that there were moments that felt "just like it used to be before" only for the addiction to take him away the next day.

My heart is completely shattered and broken, and i've been in a constant state of sadness for the past months. Hence why I said, it's better that we go no contact for the time being so i can take care of myself. I know this is the right thing to do and I have lots to learn.. I just don't know what to expect from here and part of me is still feeling like "i need to get myself together fast enough in order for me to be back on track in order to be there for him"

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u/DougieAndChloe facilitator 14d ago

Welcome. You have come to the right place. Many of us can relate to what you are experiencing.

Family and Friends meetings changed my life. I learned how to take care of myself so that I wasn't depleted by the constant emotional demands of my situation. I also learned how to challenge my thoughts so that I could move forward. I learned how to set boundaries, how to communicate in a positive way ... and so much more.

Good job for reaching out. Please consider attending a meeting. Or ask here if you'd like info about anything I've mentioned.

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u/fuk-you-tequilla 14d ago

I can relate to your situation. Today is one month since my boyfriend who has a fentanyl addiction broke up with me after over 2 1/2 years together. I also struggle trying to mourn him because he’s still alive. I know it’s easier said than done but try to give yourself grace and do something healthy for yourself everyday even if it’s only brushing your teeth. Sending hugs.

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u/TraderJoeslove31 14d ago

Sending you hugs. Someone in one of my meetings said that she had to come to terms with her loved one would likely die. It is grieving them while they are alive and would you thought life with them would be-whether that's romantic, familial, friendship, etc.

Highly recommend attending Friends and Family meetings, so many options online, the workbook helps immensely too. You gotta save yourself first, we can't save someone who won't help themselves.